Post # 1
I am not sure where to go from here
We hit a rough patch around that time but I did not think he was going to find a ” distraction” to help him with our problems. What sucks is that i found out last week…After 3 years, when we are barely starting to plan our wedding
I had my doubts but he denied it before and he has never lied to me so i believed him. It wasn’t until I found some messages on his facebook and some pictures that i really started to question him.
He came clean but says they never had sex, the most they did was kissing. They did go on a couple of dates…
I just have no idea what to feel. I feel trapped because we just got this amazing condo so idk how to get “me” time so i can deal with this. I told him we were going to work thru it but idk…my heart is completly broken.
I am just so surprised that he would do this, He never lies. He is the LAST person i would think would cheat on me…
He has been a great boyfriend and partner, super supportive. Super sweet…idk i am just heart broken
Post # 2
cfh2008: So sorry you’re going through this. Can you stay with friends/family for a bit so you can have time to clear your head? Are you confident that you know the full story of what went on? I would be wary of his admission to kissing but denying they had sex. He’s proven he is not the man you thought he was. For now I would postpone any wedding plans..
Post # 3
Were you together when he did this kissing? Because I would consider that more than an emotional affair. Be sure that you know the whole story. I would have a hard time trusting him because he was denying everything up until you ‘caught’ him. I would stay with a friend/family member or at a hotel just to clear your head, put a halt on hiring vendors and perhaps go to some couples counseling sessions.
Sorry your going through this right now!
Post # 4
spiffanee: I am thinking about it. Ugh, it is crushing knowing he is NOT who i thought he was.
Its funny becuase just not too long ago i kept thinking to myself…man i got me a good man! you know?
Post # 5
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. If you are just starting to plan the wedding, I would put the plans on hold for now. I agree on the need for counseling to work through this. It sounds like he hasn’t given you the full story yet. Why did he do this? Is this his way of handling stress? Why didn’t he try to work through his issues with you? What has your relationship been like since this?
Every couple faces stressful, difficult times in their relationship. The key is how you handle them as a couple. Not only did he cheat, he showed he wasn’t willing to work for your team. He didn’t stand up and fight for your relationship. Personally, I would start planning an exit strategy, just so you have some options in place in case you do decide to leave.
Post # 6
MrsBeck: thank you 🙁 he says he doesnt remember
That he blocked a lot of memories because he just wanted to forget but shit… he is sticking to his story that nothing happened
that he knows he fucked up
Post # 7
cfh2008: couples can survive infidelity if both parties are committed to doing so! It happens more often than you think. Personally, I would not stay with friends or family because I wouldn’t want anyone to know what happened unless I was getting ready to leave. Perhaps find a trustworthy friend to confide in and spend some afternoons with, and definitely start looking at various couples counsellors.
I have sisters who have dealt with infidelity, and my mom’s advice is that you should only stay and work through this if you know that you will NOT hold this over his head long-term. A counsellor than specializes in infidelity and trust issues will help with that.
Post # 8
cfh2008: He doesn’t remember the details, but the one thing he does remember is that they supposedly didn’t hook up? Riiight, that’s not weird at all.
Post # 9
You just found out about this one…. do you think he’s had others since then? How would you know? I think before you start laying more money out for a wedding you should invest in some counseling for yourself and then you both. I would think the trust is gone, I’d hate to have to keep checking up and stalking my FI to figure out …. is he REALLY where he says he is?
Post # 10
cfh2008: this is brutal 🙁 I’m sorry you’re going through this. It really ticks me off when people can’t at the very least come clean right off the bat; it robs you of your choice whether to stay or go, and that is the most selfish thing of all. Three years down the drain. Wow. Please just take care of yourself. He’s been looking out for himself all these years, so you need to look out for you right now.
Post # 11
Oooh, I am so sorry, that is terribly sad. Did he explain why he did that??? I hate to say it but I do believe if kissing happened its definitely more of an emotional affair as well you know. I will tell you this from my own experience, I was engaged, only 24 years old, and we had issues with an intrussive mother in law, I found myself feeling doubtful, I started talking to my bestfriend from my hometowns older brother who lived in hawaii, we exchanged flirty emails and what was probably inappropriate for being engaged (nothing sexual). My relationship with my ex ended partially because of those emails and partially from residule problems, but I felt very guilty and sad about what I had done. If I had the chance to do it again, I would have stayed with him forever. I do think people are capable of making mistakes. I wish you the best, and am sorry you have had to go through such a hurtful thing. You will have to be the one to decide if the trust and love can be restored.
Post # 12
When caught, cheaters never, ever admit the full truth. They give you what they think they can get away with, period. He thought he could salvage the relationship by admitting to kissing, so he did. Which, by the way, he seems to rememember. How convenient.
He went on dates with her. While he was in a relationship with you. That took forethought, planning, lying, cunning, covering up, etc etc. He is not telling you the full truth here. Sorry.
Post # 13
Well I made the mistake of trusting him again and so far so good…. We’ve been together since then and he broke down and cried to me at one point and told me he loved me? I don’t know what to think… But for now I guess we will see.
Thank you you for all your help ladies. Still proceeding with caution…. But he has really shown some strides in our relationship!
Post # 14
He cheated. When it comes to cheating in my mind, it is anything. Sexting included. I wouldn’t care if it was actual sex. Obviously he was sexually attracted to her or he wouldn’t have kissed her. Just my opinion. I would leave him to be honest. So sorry you’re going through this sweetie! If you need anyone to talk to, I am here. 🙂 <3
EDIT: You seem to have made several accounts, at least two with this exact story and then one new replying to this? I don’t know what to think…
Post # 15
I’m sorry, OP, this is really hard. I too would definitely put wedding planning on hold and take some time out. For me I guess it would be important to know how the affair ended and whether this person plays any role in his life now. I think I’d also have a hard time believing that it was a one-off thing. Best of luck OP, I wish you happiness whatever you decide. :/