Post # 1
I just told my boyfriend this and now I feel bad and don’t know if this is normal, he understands though…
I have loathed sleeping in his bed because I assumed that he had sex in it before he was with me. I would cry if I slept in it and he wasn’t there. Sometimes I would cry about it as he was holding me in it. When I told him this last week, he said if he had known he would’ve thrown it out and gotten a new one. He only wants me to be happy and this and the past relationships topic are the only problems I have had. I say “my problems” because i feel like he has done nothing wrong. I just can’t stand the idea of him having sex with someone else is that bed that we have sex in. I have had to stop in the middle just because I couldn’t handle it.
Do I have a reason to feel this way?
Post # 3
I think it’s a bit of an overreaction unless he cheated on you in that bed (and your post suggests he did not). But, if it has you SO upset that you’re crying being in that bed, and he’s more than willing to get a new one, then get a new one! Problem solved 🙂 But I’d try thinking about why you’re having such a strong reaction–you don’t want to find yourself needing him to purge everything from his past!
Post # 4
Everybody has a past. THose other women aren’t in the bed with you and he isn’t thinking about them when he is with you. I honestly never once thought about that whan DH and I started dating and I KNOW for a fact he has had relations with other women in that bed. In fact we still have the bed in our house now.
I think you need to find a way to get past this. The bed is just an object, you will still struggle with those feelings even if you get rid of it.
Have the two of you been together very long?
Post # 5
I think its perfectly normal, and I would feel the same. Seems like you two have communicated and he is willing to ditch the bed. Do you think its the fact that he has had past partners in general, or its just the bed. If so, then you might want to go to some counseling or speak with someone about things.
Post # 6
It may seem silly to you but I think your feelings are legit. Personally, I’d feel the same way. If something is genuinely bugging you about the bed, I’m glad you brought it up with him and he understands. I think his answer also answers your question, he is eager to move on with you enough to throw away the past. Sounds like a thoughtful man!
Post # 7
I can’t relate to this b/c I personally don’t feel the same way. My husband & I (then BF/FI) slept on the same bed for 4 years that he used to get busy with other girls on. But it still never crossed my mind.
Post # 8
Maybe because my husband and I started out super-broke, I don’t see this as an issue. He had a bed before we met, he moved several apartments with that bed, and then we moved in together with that bed. Finally, after being together 4 some-odd years, we bought our own bed.
Post # 9
Well considering the other post you recently started, it seems you have some issues with insecurity. How long have you been together?
Post # 10
@ieatunicorns: We have known each other for almost 2 years and we have been living together for 8 months. I am currently deployed and it seems that these emotions are now amplified and I am able to tell him about it.
I was thinking about my past after you said I will probably still struggle with a new bed too. I’m wondering if I have a problem because I was cheated on by my ex-boyfriend and then we slept together in the same bed that he told me he cheated on me in. I was so sick after he told me that we just had sex in the same bed. That’s the only thing I can think of. I’ll never forget how I felt.
I love my boyfriend and I feel so secure with him and I know I am being ridiculous, it just grosses me out still.
Post # 11
If you’re crying when he’s not there because he had sex with other women in that bed, you should probably be in some kind of counseling.
Feeling a little jealous is normal, what you’re doing is not.
Post # 12
I had somewhat simailar issues when FI and I started dating…his house and bed were the ones his son was conceived in (ex moved out when they split)…it bugged me a lot knowing that (and him for some time also). After a couple months, when we moved in together, we ditched it and used mine. He knew it bothered me so he had no issues with getting rid of it. After that, no issues!
I will say, it never bothered me with any other of my exes knowing other woman had been there before me.
Post # 13
I never gave it a thought about our bed that was once my FH’s bed. It just never occurred to me. Actually it still doesn’t bother me. I had previous relationships and so did he – so what? It’s just furniture.
Post # 16
@Lt.Columbo: I’d like to think I don’t, but I believe I do. He makes me feel so good about myself and as I said in another reply, I’m deployed right now and I have way to much time to contemplate these ridiculous things. I just wonder if this is all related to my ex cheating in the bed we were in. Is that even possible that I feel this insecure even though I have no doubt in my mind that my boyfriend would ever cheat on me?