Post # 1
My lovebug has had the ring for about 2 weeks now. It is actually in the room as I speak (through my keyboard). I’m not gonna sugarcoat it… I am not a patient person. I can’t keep my mouth shut when I really want something. This is driving me NUTS. I definitely have gone crazy a couple of times and tried to tear the room apart, with no avail. That sucker really hid it well. Anyways…his mom calls every other day and keeps asking whats taking so long (hehe, we have our similarities). He keeps saying he is waiting to ask my father!
This, ladies, is probably my least favorite part of the whole she-bang. I’m actually pretty nervous (oh, did I forget to mention that I worry about basically everything? I’m so much fun). I’m actually kind of nervous that my dear daddy may not give his blessing. You see, my dad is very career oriented. He wants me to wait until I finish my PhD to get married. Well…I’m not waitin’ that long. I’m starting my Masters program next year. I know my dad likes my SO, but I’m so scared that he is going to try to say that we should wait.
Also, I have different religious beliefs than the rest of my family. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon, LDS, etc). My father has never been TOO keen about this. The way that I will be getting married to my SO will not be the exact “typical” wedding because of this reason. I will be getting married in a temple, (it is VERY precious and important to me) and family who are not members of my faith will not be able to watch me get “officially” married in the temple. (Please, I do not want any nay sayers or negative comments about my religion. I would never do that to any of you bees 🙂
I am scared that my dad will not want to give my SO his blessing because of the reason I just described. It is very important to us that he IS asked though- southern tradition, ya know.
I love to ramble. Obviously. Down to the point…has anyone experienced a not so happy reaction from their father/families? Has anyone’s FI actually been told NO? I could really use some advice from those who have been there…
Oh, and if anyone wants to tell me to calm the heck down and threaten to slap me if I look for my ring again….feel free. I need it.
Thanks bees! Sorry it is so long…
Post # 3
Take deep breaths and remember, he isn’t asking for your dad’s permission – he’s asking for his blessing. He can still ask you to marry him even if your dad thinks you should wait.
I would be going INSANE.
Post # 4
Thank you. Thats definitely what I need to be reminded! I guess I am such a people pleaser, I really want my family to be excited for me- not upset. But its marrying the love of my life that matters 🙂
And obviously, I am going insane. I really hope he doesn’t make me wait much longer…
Post # 5
Regarding Father saying no, I had a friend that it happened to – only the SO was just asked to wait (they had just graduated from college). The daughter thinks it was really because of financial reasons though. He did wait, proposed 2-3 years later, and that time didn’t ask for blessing. Maybe you can communicate to your mom/dad that a no would really be upsetting? I dunno, it’s tricky.
So I had a friend in a similar situation as you with regards to religion. She converted to LDS and got married to another LDS person. Her mom couldn’t see the ceremony, but all of his family could be there. My completely unsolicited advice regarding this aspect from the sidelines, for what it’s worth…. First, it helped that she had a ceremony after at the reception where they basically went through it again that everyone could see. She also bought a white dress just for that (she had to wear something else for the temple ceremony). Second, it really upset her mom that she couldn’t be there…and most upseting was the fact that everyone from his side could be present. So, I’d just suggest thinking very carefully about who you have present for the temple ceremony. But they had both been on their missions and were very committed to this, so it was super important for them, just like it sounds like it is for you.
Post # 6
@kay01: Thank you so much! I know my dad would try to convince us to wait a few years, like your friend. I would be miserable! I guess it is time for me to be open with my parents and let them know how important their acceptance is to me.
As for the religion, thank you for your story. I definitely plan on having a ring ceremony directly after, and buying a white dress, having a bridal party, etc. I want to share that with my family. I just hope they understand this…I want them to be just as much apart of my day. And the only people that would be in the temple with us would be his parents, probably. Maybe one of his brothers. So hopefully they won’t take too much offense to that. I plan on asking my mom to stay the night with me the night before, and help me get ready in the morning. Hopefully that will help too….
Post # 7
You know, I’m not LDS, and I don’t know anybody who is, but do you have to have his family there? I know a lot of couples who run off and elope and then have a huge wedding later. IMO, if you don’t want to offend your family, you could always have a private temple ceremony and then keep the “his family” and “her family” on equal footing. Religious conviction can be a very tricky thing, I agree with talking to your parents and explaining to them that not giving their blessing won’t stop what God has put into motion, but you would love to have their support for this next huge step in your life.
Post # 8
Hello fellow Tallahassee bee! Tough in the south, isn’t it? I’ve got a conflict of my own, being Catholic, and my SO comes from a very mixed-religion family. My family’s Catholic church is very strict on only members marrying and taking premarital classes, so we would be in an odd situation as well. Not quite the same, but I feel your pain. It is lovely that you have embraced a tradition of worship that is so important to you, and I truly hope your family can see past the minor setback and give you the full go-ahead in marrying the man who makes you happy. My sister waited until she finished her PhD and I know that she wishes she had married sooner. I think you should do whatever makes you happiest! Safe to assume you’re a Nole, then? Wish ya the best
Post # 9
Sorry it took me so long to reply! I really am thankful for everyone’s advice. I don’t know if I would be able to keep my SO’s family out of it, but I haven’t really thought of that. I’ll have to mull it over! Thanks for all the reassurance though. It definitely makes me feel better.
@OmigoshesGrrrl: You’re in Tally too!? That is so awesome! (And yes, I’m a Nole through and through!) I appreciate that story about your sister. I don’t see much benefit for us to actually wait that long, when we’ve already been together 3 years. You’re awesome! I know its about doing what makes us happy, and I smile EVERYTIME I think about how I’m going to get to marry him. Eeeek!
P.S. I ALMOST caved again today when he was away for a couple of hours…it was so hard not to look for my shiny. But I resisted. This is too much stress for little ol’ me.
Post # 10
@Ms.Pink:I don’t have any advice on the waiting but just saw you’re a nole….ME TOO!! Undergrad and Masters!! I bleed garnet and gold!
Post # 11
I just want to say that I think you’re doing a superb job at waiting patiently. A really good friend of mine found her ring and trust me quit looking! It wasn’t nearly as exciting for her when the time came. She actually seemed quite disapointed.
I would be happy that he’s waiting to ask your dad, nerves or not. It shows he cares that he has your family’s blessing and that shows a lot of respect. You think you’re nervous? Just imagine what he’s thinking!! That’s probably why it’s taking him so dang long! Funny story, I acutally caught the tail end of my fiance asking my dad… he walked away all sweaty and flushed… I couldn’t figure out why he was all wierd until 15 minutes later. Trust me, the wait will be soo worth it. Don’t worry be happy! It’s coming!
Post # 12
Just wondering…. what would your boyfriend do if your dad said NO? Would he still ask you anyway? If he would and you really think there is a good chance that your dad will say “no”… I really suggest he skip asking your dad. It would be a lot more disrespectful and upsetting to your father to have his specific wishes ignored than to not be asked at all.
Post # 13
I’ll say a prayer that your Dad says yes and your SO asks soon!
Fingers crossed all goes well!!!
Post # 14
Does your dad have any idea that the question is coming? It seems like a no is a lot more likely if he’s shocked and not expecting it at all. I know that my dad totally still sees me as his little girl and all of that, so I did let him know we’d probably be getting engaged soon, and I think my mom talked to him a bit as well.