Post # 1
Ive been posting alot recently….guess I have alot to vent about!!
Everything with SO and I is great..for those of you that follow, Im in the “waiting” category, and we decided to move in together next year. I know he is meant for me…but just one problem
HE HATES MY MOM
And when I say hates…I mean HATES!!!
Nothing she says or does is right. We fight about it (its the only thing we fight about). I dont know what to do…its just her and I (my dads side is not around, and we had a falling out with the remaining members on my moms side). Part of what used to make me so excited about starting a family, was giving her grandkids. Now I get scared that SO and I wont be able to spend family holidays together with my mom. Its that bad
As a side note, she lives in another state, and has only met hit 2x. 1st meeting went GREAT. 2cd meeting was horrible…he went into with a bad attitude. Mom bought us all broadway tickets, he acted childish the whole time. When she tried to talk to him, he was just rude…Im not sure what happened between the 1st and 2cd meeting to make him feel like this. He tells me she was rude and disrepectful of him, but I honestly did not see that at all!!
Now, my mom thinks he has a jealousy issue
This is a weird sitution…anyone else have tense relationships between either SO and their family, or with the SO family?? How do you deal?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Has he said how your mom was actually acting disrespectfully towards him? Because it only sounds like he has been disrespectful towards her, and that is pretty rude and not attractive at all, especially directed towards his future mother!!
So far I’m lucky… our families get along pretty well. Any minor transgressions (usually with FI’s brother) I tend to either ignore or bitch about it to FI in private and then let bygones be bygones the next time we see each other.
Post # 4
Your mom is right, he is competing for your affection. I know other guys with this problem and all with only children daughters. The only thing you can do is bring it to his attention and let him know that you love him and that you can love them both. It may or may not work, depends on if he’s able to see it or not! 🙁
Post # 5
Can he tell you what specifically happened that made him feel that way? Perhaps there was a misunderstanding and you can work it out.
Post # 6
@mrssoontobeh: Mom bought us all broadway tickets, he acted childish the whole time. When she tried to talk to him, he was just rude
How old is he? Your mom could be right he is probably jealous of the close relationship you and your mother have. But that is not an excuse for him to act this way. First of all when a guy wants to marry a woman I feel he should impress you as well try to win your family over. If on the 2nd meeting he acted like that then that needs a serious reality check. If my DH hated my mom for no reason and acted that way it would not fly with me. You and your mom only have each other don’t let a man ruin that.
Post # 7
He is a teacher, but does not have perm school. He was hired at a school in Feb. So, when my mom was here (trying to make conversation) she said ” I hear you started at a new place” . He took that as an insult….obviouosly he is insecure about the job situation and that was taken out of context!
A few weeks ago we got into a fight about it…AGAIN. Finally I said “this is the grandmother of your future children you are talking about”. I think that might have put it into perspective a bit.
His mom has a weird relationship with the grandma. And his sister and mom have a strained relationship. I think he is not used to mom/daughter bonding
OH! And also…mom is still FB friends with my ex. I never gave it a thought as ex is never on FB, and I know she isnt talking to him. SO called this out to me….so there might be some jealousy there as well
All I can say is THANK GOD WE LIVE 2 STATES AWAY!!
Post # 8
It sounds like your mother has done nothing to him, for him to HATE her, such a strong word!
I didn’t have the best realtionship with my in-laws in the beginning, esp my MIL. She wouldn’t talk to me, was short with me, and just not warm nor inviting. But I NEVER would argue with my husband about her. My husband knew that this was an issue his mother had to work out on her own, and he supported me and knew that I was doing everything I could to make her like me.
Personally, I just feel it is really inappropriate to speak very negatively about your SO’s parents. It’s one thing to express feelings if your in-laws said/did something that upset you; but name calling or saying something as strong as “I hate them” is not appropriate in my book.
Post # 9
You should definitely talk to him about this issue with your mom. It’s unfair for him to have so much negative feelings towards her when she really hasn’t done anything to deserve it. Also, boyfriends may come and go but your mom is your mom forever.
One of my ex-es totally hated my mom and because I was young and stupid, I always took his side when it came to any arguments between the 2 of them. In the end though, it turned out that he was actually kind of psyco and was telling lies to both my mom and I to get us into arguments to ruin our relationship. Not saying your SO is crazy like that, but the experience just really put things into perspective for me that while my bf is important he’s not always going to be permanant. My mom on the other hand will always be there for me, so it’s important that whoever I’m with respects her and our relationship.
Post # 10
I couldnt agree more about there needing to be respect between the SO and your/his family. Thankfully, my mom is amazing, and believes that as long as he makes me happy that she is happy. She has offered to sit down and talk to him, which is something that MUST be done after we get engaged….Im not going into a marriage with this tension
Post # 11
This sounds so high school! Maybe even middle school. He meets her twice and Hates her? I would tell him to grow up and give her a chance.
Post # 12
@julies1949: HAHAH!! I love this reply….because it does sound like childish stuff. He is 37 ys old for crying out loud!!
Post # 13
@julies1949: this or dump him!
Post # 14
@j_jaye: dumping someone over one aspect of your life seems a bit dramatic…..i often wonder about peoples relationships on this board. everyone seems happier to walk away from a difficult issue than try to actually repair it. its love about trying to make things work between you?? must not really be in love if you can actually contimplate walking away….
Post # 15
From what you have told us, it sounds like this man is possessive. He’s being so disrespectful to your mother for no reason aside from he doesn’t want to share you. He also doesn’t seem to respect you enough to not be disrespectful of your mother, you mention she’s all you have, thats a very bad sign that he’s so against your only support system. Major red flag IMO. He isn’t even willing to try and give the relationship with her a chance by the sounds of it. His behaviour is not only immature, but it shows such a lack of respect for you that the one person that means the most to you and he isn’t even willing to try with her, right off the bat and for no reason. I would be concerned that he will treat you the same way, in the future. Seems like an early warning sign of abuse, to me.
I may be way overthinking this, it’s entirely possible that your mom did something specific between the 2 meetings, which made him dislike her, that your SO hasn’t mentioned. If he can’t give you concrete reasons why he doesn’t like your mother, I would definitely take that as a warning sign and suggest you look out very carefully for more.
Post # 16
I would never give up spending holidays with my family and future kids because my SO is a fool.