(Closed) He is Catholic and Divorced but No enullment, HELP

posted 5 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do you guys have a priest or deacon you can speak to? They can at least give you an idea of what’s ahead. If your FH hears it from a priest, he may come to terms with the annulment. 

Post # 4
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

He is going to have to sort out his own relationship with the Catholic Church’s rules. He thumbs his nose at an annulment but he wants to get married in the Church again? Sorry, but he can’t have his cake and eat it too. He will either have to bite the bullet and get the annulment or not marry in the Catholic Church again.

An annulment isn’t that difficult to get. The Church recognizes that those denied annulments tend to leave, and they need the money so they grant annulments. However, they are expensive. My friend got one ten years ago and it was $10,000.

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you aren’t catholic he isn’t following their rules this should be simple don’t get married in a catholic church

Post # 6
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@TwoCityBride:  He can marry someone who isn’t Catholic but he can’t marry someone if he is divorced with no annulment.

Post # 8
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee

I dont think he has any grounds for an annulment. So he is basically….shit out of luck.

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Im so sorry to tell you this but i dont think  you guys can do anything =( … the catholic church is no goung to  give you an annulment… like Rush1986 said  there is not grounds …  dont even  waste you money trying =(..

 i hope this link  gives you the info you need 

sorry

Post # 10
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No offense, but this is ridiculous!  He has no grounds for annulment and you aren’t catholic.  You shouldn’t be getting married in the catholic church!  Marriage is a legal definition anyway, religion shouldn’t have anything to do with it if you ask me.

Post # 11
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also fail to understand why you, or anyone else for that matter, would want to marry in a church if you’re not a member of it.

Post # 12
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you can get an annullment after 4 kids. 

You have to understand what an annullment is. It’s basically saying that it wasn’t a real marriage. It didn’t count. Unlike divorce, it is retroactive, meaning that an annulled marriage is considered to be invalid from the beginning almost as if it had never taken place. Like if either party was coerced, they lacked willingness, and therefore lacked intent. Or if either party was married to another and were were unable to enter into the contract. 

  You can’t really say that after you have had 4 kids with you wife and neither of you were married previously. 

 

In fact, if your marriage was ever to be dissolved it would be annulled by the church. But not his 1st marriage.

My mother is Catholic. She married my father and the church wouldn’t annnull her previous marriage even though she had married at 17 and had only been with her exhusband for less than a year –because she had a child from the previous marriage and had been married in the church.

 

25 years and 2 kids later she WAS able to get a priest to do a vow renewal in church after her 1st husband died–but my father is catholic as well, if he wasn’t they wouldn’t have done it. You’re not catholic, so no chance.

 

You can get married in a different church or at a different venue–you just can’t get married by a priest.

 

-SHe left him, so Does he still have some feeling like he is married in the sight of God?

 How would we know how he feels??

 

Will they view you as his ‘real’ wife?

Idk catholics are weird. I married my 1st husband at 17, in a courthouse, no kids. I’m an atheist. My mother still views my exhusband as my real husband and says that she doesn’t ‘believe’ in divorce.

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have a lot of catholics in my family. Honestly you be hard pressed to find people who care that much. Who cares how they define you, you get married legal they can claim you aren’t married all the want, the same way they can claim the sky is purple.

I think you are stessing yourself out for no reason. Find another church to get married in. I don’t think it would be impossible even in a very catholic area to find another church of another denomination.

Post # 14
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

FI and I are both divorced Catholics.  Neither of us are eligable for (nor do we want) annulments from our previous marriages because we had children. 

::Shrugs:: So we’re not getting married in a Catholic church. 

Post # 15
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You can absolutely get an annulment in the Catholic church after having children. I would know, as my mother got one around ten years ago, despite having two kids! It’s a very long process, as it has to go through the diocesan tribunal, and involves a long questionnaire, interviews, lots of letter writing, and written attestations of character from friends/ family members of the person seeking the annulment. I don’t know on what grounds my mother’s was granted, but I know that it was a very emotionally draining process for her, and I believe it took her about two years to complete.

Here’s a list of common reasons for annulment from beginningcatholic.com:

  1. At least one partner didn’t fully & freely consent.
  2. Someone wasn’t mature enough to understand the full extent of what they were doing.
  3. There was never intent to be faithful.
  4. One or both partners did not intend to be open to children.

Do you both want to be married in the Catholic church? If not, don’t even worry about it. If so… he’d better get the ball rolling!

Post # 16
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your profile indicates that you are from Urbana – there are TONS of churches there that are simply “christian” churches and/or protestant.  You can find someone to marry you.  If not with a private church, you can probably find an officiant connected with UofI. 

However- before you jump the gun about where you will get married, it sounds like you two need to have a conversation about what part *religion* will play in your lives….

– will you go to church?  If yes, which one?

– if you have future children together, what *religious* upbringing will they be exposed to?  How will you guide them through the differences between the church their siblings attend, and the church they attend (If your children are not raised Catholic) – are the 2 of you on the same page with this?

-WHY do you want to be married in a church, if you won’t attend regularly and be members.

– IF your hubs wants to be married in the CATHOLIC church, you may want to think about converting and becoming Catholic.

– Know that if you do *attend* the Catholic church, but you yourself do not convert, you won’t be able to share in some of the sacarments of that religion with your husband.

– YES, some extremely religious Catholics will not recognize subsequent marriages.  That is their belief system.  You don’t have to like it, but you may have to deal with it.  You won’t be able to change their mind….. is that something you will be OK with?

 

An anullment in the catholic church is very different than a “legal” annullment.  mimi123 has it right when she says that Catholics have finally got on board that due to the rising divorce rate…. if they don’t become more liberal with annullments, their members will leave.  So, you MAY have grounds for a RELIGIOUS annullment (which is basically like saying your marriage was not doing “God’s work”, so the Church doesn’t recognize it as forever binding….. NOT that your marriage “never existed”.).  It’s simply not recognized by the Catholic Church as a marriage, which opens the door for you to *re-marry* in the Catholic Church – as long as you meet all their other criteria.

It’s tough to reconcile relgious issues with legal issues and to top it all off with what the “norm” is in society.  Especially when some of the doctorine will vary based on geographical diocesan practice.

My advice to you would be the same as my advice about ANYthing that has to do with a couple.  Make sure you and hubs have had the *tough* conversations.  Make sure you are either on the same page or, at the very least, that you both understand and can appreciate the POV of the other so that you can support the behaviors that stem from the beliefs you each have.

Good Luck

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