- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2018
I’m going anon for this one. I am going out of my mind and I just need unbiased opinions. Maybe I just need to vent, too.
I have been with my FI for about 3 ½ years. We have lived together for over a year and we got engaged over this past summer. We have known each other for over 10 years. In high school I know he was what you might call a “stud” – he played sports, everyone loved him, he could get any girl he wanted. From what I’ve overheard during conversations he has with friends, he had no problem hooking up with girls in college as well. I cannot tell you how many people he has had sex with, because he refuses to talk about his past relationships or encounters with me and doesn’t want to hear ANYTHING about mine. Whatever, no big deal. The point is that when I visualize his past, I visualize a guy who got girls but most importantly, knew HOW to get them. I never hooked up with him prior to our relationship now, because the timing just never worked out for us- we were either dating other people, going through other things, etc. He always did tell me from the begininng that he would marry me one day (no joke- he said this to me the night we met) and he still brings it up to this day. And I love him for this. This isn’t about me feeling like he doesn’t love me, but I simply cannot understand how a guy who somehow had “game” to get women in the past has absolutely NO IDEA what “game” is now.
When we first starting dating we were both living at home with our parents so sex was like, quickie on the couch in his basement after his parents went to bed. Then his parents started going away every weekend, and suddenly we had more freedom. At least I thought. I would get to his house and we would sit on the couch, drink, watch tv..and it would start getting late and I’d tell him I wanted to go to bed (aka let’s DO IT)… and he’d stay out on the couch. I’d be naked in his bed and he’d be in a different room watching TV. We seriously would go weeks without having sex. I would always think to myself, “We have an empty house to get it on and he isn’t taking advantage??? What is going on????”
I thought when we moved in together this would change, but no. It’s is the SAME EXACT THING every time. Most nights go like this: We get into bed. He takes my hand and puts it on his penis, or I just do it because I’m trying to initiate. I get him hard. Rock hard. You’d think at this point he’d want to have sex- why would he want me to rub his penis, right??? Hard penis= I want sexual attention?? No. He either A) rolls over and ask me to rub his back instead and then I (angrily) do this until he goes to sleep or B) hands me the remote, rolls over, and goes to sleep. Once and a while, we end up having sex. Sex that lasts about three minutes tops. I kid you not when I tell you that this is how it goes ALL THE TIME. Or, worst of all, we will be doing something random, like dishes, and he will start dry humping me and be like, I want to have sex. Let’s go have sex. But he won’t kiss me, or be sexy about it…he literally just humps me like a dog and then wants to go in our bedroom, take my clothes off, and just stick it in me. It’s like he just wants to do it to get it over with because he’s horny, but doesn’t want to put in any effort on his part to get ME going. We don’t do foreplay. Once and a while, maybe, for like a minute. But it’s rare.
We don’t do anything adventurous. He doesn’t like lingerie, and half the time he doesn’t even get me naked during sex. He’s turned me down numerous times because he’s “too tired”. If I don’t get off before he goes, he just laughs and apologizes and gets up to go clean up himself–He honestly doesn’t give a crap leaving me hanging.
To me, sex is something I look forward to doing. If we’re both home on a Saturday night, my perfect night is lots of wine and lots of sex. Not him. His is lots of beer, tv, and then falling asleep by 10. If he does want to have sex, he literally want to just have sex and get it over with. There is no buildup with him. No passion, no romance, no nothing. If I ask for it, he makes fun of me and tells me he’s not that kind of guy.
I honestly feel at this point that there has to be something wrong with me. I am not a supermodel, but I am pretty good looking. I am not stick thin, but I have a pretty decent body. I just don’t know exactly WHAT he is attracted to, what turns him on. Yea, he tells me I’m beautiful, but that’s it. And not enough that I believe he really thinks it. If I dress up and go out with him and his friends in a group, I get more compliments from his friends than I do from my fiance. I really don’t feel like he notices. I mean, I just look at him and want to have sex with him. I tell him all the time that he’s hot, that I want to jump his bones. I just want him to look at me and WANT me the way I always want him. I’ve told him these things, but he just tells me I’m being ridiculous and that he loves me so much and how can I think these things. I’m so scared that this is what my entire life is going to be. I started typing this earlier and I wasn’t going to post but I literally just got turned down again, second night in a row. I feel so hurt because I don’t know what is wrong with this picture, with ME. I don’t care that he has had sex with other people but I can’t help but wonder if he was different with other women in his past, like he used to want sex and now that he’s with me he just doesn’t anymore. Like when he was in college he would hook up with anyone, but now that he’s in a committed relationship he is suddenly boring and not into it? I don’t get it. I don’t know how to “spice it up” with someone who just doesn’t seem interested. It feels like he’s only interested whenever HE wants it. I don’t even know if I turn him on. Like I said, I KNOW he loves me. But the sex thing is killing me. I love sex, I want it all the time, but he seems so indifferent to it. Please help me make sense of this 🙁 and thanks for reading my novel… I really needed to vent this to someone somewhere…