Post # 1
Yesterday FI was on the phone with his grandfather and talking about the wedding, in mid conversation FI asks me what to tell them for the dress code and I told him that it isn’t black-tie formal but at the same time I want people to be dressed nicely for pictures – he clearly communicated this with his grandfather.
After they’d been off the phone for a while FI suddenly pops out with something that he’d been thinking about – his grandfather told him he only owns blue jeans for pants and wants to wear them to the wedding.
I am very annoyed and upset that anyone would think blue jeans are appropriate for a wedding… my biggest fear is that he is going to stick out like a sore thumb because every other man will be wearing dark pants while he has bright blue jeans on! Even worse is the pictures… the last thing I want is to spend so much on pictures only to look back and have to look at jeans.
I looked up a bunch of wedding photos today that involved jeans and the only things that were bearable is when they wore very dark jeans – like black. FI said he never gave his grandfather the green light to wear jeans but his grandfather also made more of a statement about wearing them instead of a question…
I don’t know how we should handle this as I don’t want to come accross as controlling to them but I know I’ll be biting my lip the entire wedding whenever I see those damned pants cross my path. Since his grandfather wasn’t even really asking if he was okay to wear them I now fear other family members may make the same assumption, that it is a small wedding so anything goes.
I have no idea how to handle this tactfully.
Post # 3
@JessicaJupiter: Ehhh pick your battles. Guest wardrobe isn’t something you can approach tactfully. It’s common courtesy to dress nicely for a wedding, but it isn’t required. Don’t let it ruin your day!
Post # 4
Yikes. It would bother me, too, because of the pictures mostly. Can your FI ask his grandfather to please purchase a nice pair of pants just for the wedding? Good grief, who doesn’t own at least one pair of dress pants? Does he wear jeans to funerals, too, lol?
Post # 5
Unfortunately, you can’t really tell other grown adults how to dress. You’ve tried to make sure he knows how others will be dressed, and it’s up to him to choose to fit in or not.
That said, if he wears jeans, then HE is the one who will stick out. It will not reflect poorly upon you.
ETA- for photos, have him stand in the back if he’s in ratty ass jeans.
Post # 6
Leave it alone. he only owns jeans. Be more interested in the face in the pictures than the pants he is wearing.
Post # 8
@jb20: I don’t even know if this would be an issue to bring up to him! He may just be very cooperative and buy some decent pants or he could throw a fit! My biggest concern is that maybe they cannot afford to buy dress pants – in which case I’d be willing to pay for them myself!
I had thought all of his older relatives would own at least one pair of non-blue jean pants!!!
Post # 9
@JessicaJupiter: i don’t think its something you should be freaking out about… in the future (once gpa has passed) you aren’t going to be looking at the jeans, but rather that he was able to be present that day… like other people have said, pick your battles, this isn’t something to worry about.
Post # 10
It’s such a small thing for him, but such a big thing for you.
Won’t somebody just please buy the man a pair of dress pants? I know some seniors live on fixed incomes, but it’s 30$ at Walmart! Maybe FI’s mother/father/aunt/uncle can do it. And a pair of loafers while they’re at it, so he doesn’t show up in white running shoes.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your fiance to suggest that his grandfather wear slacks. And if he needs help, to take him o get some or to pick some up for him. It can just be a gentle suggestion, and because everyone is going to be in family pictures etc etc…
If that doesn’t go over well, just let it go. As adeharo210 said, after his Gpa passes, you’ll just thank god he was in your pictures at all.
Post # 12
Either drop it, or buy him pants and ask if he’d be willing to wear them at the wedding. But if he says no or seems embarassed, back off. It’s not worth arguing over. Annoying, yes, but not worth it. Plus, after he passes away one day, you might look at those wedding pictures of him in his jeans and have very fond memories.
Post # 13
@JessicaJupiter: Are you sure the grandpa is actually serious? Is it possible he was joking? No matter what his income or wardrobe situation is, I find it hard to believe that anyone, let alone someone who has been on this earth a long time, would seriously consider jeans an appropriate option for a wedding…
Post # 14
@JessicaJupiter: Give him a gift certificate to a nice store near you as a “thank you for his support of your relationship” or something. Although, I don’t think it’s a huge deal. I know people who are just “jeans people” because that’s their lifestyle. For pictures he could just stand toward the back and you’d never know the difference. A good photog will keep an eye on those kinds of things.
Post # 15
Oh My God. He only owns one pair of pants, which to me says the man can’t afford more. And your first inclination is to be mad about how he will look in pictures?? How do you respond? Offer to buy the man a pair of pants. Have FI take him out shopping and check in on him to make sure he’s not okay. Many elderly people live in pverty. I would kill to have my grandparents in my pictures. But they all died in the 90’s when I was a kid. I’m sorry, but I think you are being incredibly self centred.
Post # 16
I think it depends what kind of relationship you/your FI have with him. Maybe your in laws could have a quiet word and/or buy him an alternative pair of trousers? If he’s the kind of guy that wouldn’t react well to that though, it’s probably best just to leave it. He won’t be in all the photos.