- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
All right…time to blow off some steam.
For some background info, my Fiance is a wonderful guy. Normally, he is a really good listener and gives good advice. We are also in a LDR right now, while he finished grad school. He called me this morning because we missed talking last night.I was updating him on my day yesterday. I started telling him that I was bummed about someone close to me moving. He just said “okay,” “yeah,” the whole time. I could not get him to give me a deeper comment than that. That flicked on the frustration level.
Then, I started telling him about how I actually stood up to somebody at work yesterday. I am the world’s biggest people pleaser, and the few times that I say “no” to something, I worry if I should have said “yes”, or if it will make me look like a bad person that I said “no”. To give you the shortened version, I was heading up to get my things and head home when someone stopped me to cover a duty for someone else (a person who is notorious for not getting someone to cover when she takes off). I don’t know if it was from being hot, tired, or frustrated with this person (or maybe all of it), but I said that I was sorry I couldn’t help. The other person squawked at me some more, and I finally said this wasn’t my problem and went inside. Now, I realize that this would have only been an extra 10 minutes, I should have just sucked it up and done it, but without going into the whole history of the situation, it was the principle of the thing.
Part of me was proud, because I actually stood up for myself and said no to something. Normally I’d do it and bury the frustration. However, I actually said “no”. However, with me saying “no”, I’ve now felt really guilty and am worrying that somehow, I will get in trouble for this (keep in mind, the other person who I told “no” doesn’t know who I am, though she could describe me if she were truly mad about it).
When I finished the story, I realized that Fiance was pulling into the garage for work. I didn’t realize he was so close when he called. He asked if I would suffer from repercussions from this, and I said that I honestly wasn’t sure. He then told me to to blow it off and he didn’t realize why I was making such a big deal out of it. I wanted him to be a little more sympathetic and put me at ease a little more, like he normally does. I also was angry, because he knows that it is huge for me to stand up to someone and actually say “no”.
After that, he then mentioned that he was going to go to one of our favorite places for ice cream today and see if anybody else from work would want to go. That kicked up the frustration level, mainly because it was another reminder that I’m not there (if I were, I could go with him, and it would be awesome).
I could tell I was about 10 seconds away from making a passive aggressive remark, so I ended the conversation quickly (yet still politely–by the way he responded, I could tell he didn’t realize that I was angry).
To sum up (and, thanks for sticking with me through this entire vent), I was just frustrated at his lack of response. With being removed from the situation by about 15-30 minutes, I know now that it was probably because he was headed into work and was just expecting a quick phone call. I’m glad that I didn’t respond angrily to him. At the same time, I do hope that he realizes that this was tough for me, and I would like some support when I stand up for myself. One teammate has jokingly called me “spineless”. I do agree somewhat, because I hate conflict and would rather avoid it, but also because I don’t want to complain too much and risk losing my job.
Any thoughts would be great.