Post # 1
i’ve known about his 4 day bachelor party in vegas for months now. i honestly did not care when they were planning it. i know all of the boys he went with very well and trusted him/them even though i knew they were going to a strip club and partying it up.
now that he’s back, i feel grossed out by him and his friends. i feel insulted that he went to a strip club. i feel disrespected. he told me he has some “crazy stories” and some of his friends were “bad boys”. i haven’t asked nor do i even want to know what happened.
am i such a ball and chain that he has to have a crazy sausage fest in sin city to get that “last hurrah”?
what happened that i was totally fine with everything and now i’m totally not?
did this happen to anyone else?
Post # 4
i’m sorry you are feeling this way. i think if you felt comfortable with it beforehand, he’s probably telling you about the trip because he thinks you are cool with hearing it. if you aren’t, tell him you’re glad he had a good time but that you don’t want to know anything else.
i used to do this to my FI a lot, where i thought i was okay with something that afterwards made me upset, but as long as you keep the line of communication open, things will smooth out.
good luck 🙂
Post # 5
@graceolivia89: thanks for your advice-i’m part mad at myself for not making my feelings known beforehand and really upset with him for partaking in the strip club. i dont understand the appeal of getting horny with your friends??
i think before he left deep down i wasn’t ok with it but didn’t want to be “that girl”. besides, he’s a grown man and is going to do what he’s going to do anyway right? ugh.
Post # 6
I agree with PP. You need to be honest with him about how you feel. I feel like sometimes we try to be the “cool” FI/Wife/GF and trust them/allow them to do things but then thinking about it, we change our minds (for whatever the reason) and then we get upset/insecure, whatever…He probably just thinks your cool with all of it. Be upfront with him.
Post # 7
I am usually okay with strip clubs and don’t think they are such a bad place as a lot of women make them out to be. Strippers are not really interested in men there, all they care about is their money. However, I do understand where you are coming from. I am the same way! I say I am okay with strip clubs, but it could be because my husband has zero interest in strip clubs or strippers. He went go karting for his bachelor party! If he were interested, however, I could be feeling completely different. All I can say is that since you were okay with it at the beginning and made it clear to your future husband before he went, you would have to stick to your original plan and act as if you are still okay with it. I wouldn’t start arguing with him about it now. What’s done is done!
Post # 8
@supervixen: That didn’t happen to me, yet, probably because future hubbs party is not for a couple months. But, I did say at the start of our engagement that I did not care what he did or if he had strippers and now that the day is looming I totally changed my mind! And he called me on it. The worst part is his brother/best man is planning it and refused to tell me what they are doing. I know he won’t do anything terrible, but if he gets hammared, idk, like you said, it just kinda grosses me out.
I totally get where your coming from, but at the same time, we said it was fine at one point, so we kinda gotta deal as long as they didn’t do anything like cheat.
Post # 9
I have no advice, but I know how you feel. DH went to a bachelor party on Saturday, and they ended up at a strip club. It was preplanned between the 2 of us that I would pick him up from the strip club after about an hour and bring him home. I was totally ok with all of this, until I picked him up. I felt so embarassed and disgusted when I pulled up and had to tell the security guys “I’m here to pick up my husband”. Then waiting in the car I just felt super uncomfortable. I told him how I felt, and he kept thinking I was jealous. It wasn’t that I was jealous, I just felt very weird and grossed out about the whole thing. And then he wanted sex, and I just told him I couldn’t do it… It was too weird for me that he got turned on by all these other naked women, and now he wanted to have sex with me. I have no advice, but I know what you’re going through! DH calmed me down and reassured me, and I’m not weird about it anymore. I’m sorry you’re feeling upset; let FI know that you’d appreciate if he didn’t talk about his bachelor party, and just take time to get passed it.
Post # 10
I’m sorry you are going through this! I think now you know that its best to talk about these things and be honest with him beforehand. It’s okay if you don’t like strip clubs… You are not alone! You should be able to express this to your guy, and he should be sensitive enough to not do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Don’t worry about being “that girl”. Your FI should stick up to you, and your relationship with your FI is more important that his friends immaturely calling you a prude anyway.
Don’t hold anything against him this time, since he didnt do anything wrong. (But its okay to feel the way you are feeling!) I it comes up again just say you are glad he had fun but are surprised how uncomfortable it has made you and would prefer not to talk about it (I wouldn’t want to know either!), and not sure if you would feel comfortable with him visiting a strip club again. He ultimately makes his own decision but if he knows how it makes you feel there is a good chance he’d rather not put you in that position.
Good luck OP!
Post # 11
This reminds me of that time I saw something on the internet, about the girl who yelled ‘Dad??’ to guys outside the strip club and some of them looked around them super guiltily… lol!
Post # 13
Saying you’re okay with something in theory and being okay with it actually happening are two very different things. I would just tell him how you feel. I think a lot of women say they’re fine with strip clubs (especially when their SOs are supposedly not interested in them) but once the guy actually decides to go to one the girl’s tune changes and it isn’t so A-okay anymore (not in every case, obviously). My FI has known from the start that I’m not okay with it. If you need a ‘last hurrah’ then you aren’t ready to get married IMO.
Post # 14
Okay, first off, I see where you’re coming from.
But, and this is a fast second, I also completely agree that you’re leaning about this because your FI feel comfortable telling you. If you didn’t have a close, friendly, communicative relationship, you wouldn’t be a good match for marriage. You have to be friends with your FI. You have to be able to tell him anything, and because things go both ways, you have you be able to hear anything he says. This may not jive with everyone’s advice, but my feeling is … if you’re uncomfortable hearing what he has to say, DON’T tell him so. Woman up and figure out how to deal with it. Tell him if it makes you uncomfortable, and tell him why, but I would NOT tell him that you don’t want to hear it.
If you set up limits in your relationship by saying “I don’t want to hear about situations like [this]“, you’re opening the door to future secrets, and that’s never a good thing. Be happy that he’s happy.
Different genders have different priorities for a visit to Vegas, but I’m pretty sure that a bachelor party there has GOT to inclue some stuff that should remain in Vegas, or it’s a disappointment.
Post # 15
I would just ask him to please not discuss it with you as you don’t think it’s something you need to hear about. I’m sure the ‘crazy stories’ are more about his friends drinking too much than anyone actually getting intimate with a stripper.
I also don’t think it’s about you being a ‘ball and chain’ – I really think that a lot of guys get peer pressured into having the bachelor party with the booze and strippers because it’s expected of them. Some of their mates might be single or in unhappy relationships and they put pressure on the guy getting married to basically give them a night of entertainment (I know this is the case with my FI – he wasn’t keen on strippers and just wanted to have drinks with his friends, but two of his friends said ‘we won’t come if there’s no strippers’). So don’t stress – him doing that is unlikely to be a reflection of his feelings towards you or his happiness in the relationship.
Post # 16
thanks for helpful advice ladies… on the one hand i now know that i need to make it abundantly clear from now on i’m very uncomfortable with strip clubs. on the other hand i don’t know how to get over how grossed out i am. like i said, i really dont understand the appeal of getting horny with your guy friends? esp. because like @SnoopDog: said, strippers are (usually) only in it for the money!