- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I don’t live with my boyfriend but I’m over at his place a lot and have observed his roommate sinking further and further into depression. Since I haven’t seemed to be any good at raising his spirits I figured I’d ask for some input from the bees.
“Roommate” is a great guy. He’s smart, domestic, caring, and holds himself to a strict honor code. The thing is he places a lot of weight on finding someone to be with. He’s one of those guys that has dreamed of settling down and starting a family since kindergarten and the fact that he’s currently single and about to turn 30 seems to be killing him inside. I personally have faith that he can find a great woman to be with.
However he’s had a rough couple of years and he seems to be sabotaging himself. His last relationship was on and off over 8 years and ended with breaking off their engagement. While he is handling that as well as can be expected he’s not totally over her. That’s not the primary problem though. He works with another woman “Mary” who is also 8 years into a on and off relationship and though she is still engaged. The thing is that he sees the history of her relationship and relates it to his. He has become unhealthily obsessed with a woman that he cannot have thinking that maybe she’ll decide she would rather be with him than her fiancé.
Now “Roommate” decided that he needed to be more proactive in his search for someone because he wasn’t meeting many people at work and he’s kind of a homebody. So he joined e-harmony and has been in contact with his matches. The thing is that he totally discounts anyone that so much as has the same color hair as his ex and openly compares the rest to “Mary”, who he has idealized, so no one stacks up.
I’ve tried to tell him that he needs to work on being happy with himself first but he thinks that he can’t be happy being single. And I tried to point out that he needs to keep an open mind and meet people before he discounts them. But he still forms opinions about these women that he is matched to online before he even exchanges a single email. I practically live with the guy and it’s hard to see him torture himself. Any advice on how to help him out? I’ve only managed to distract him with food and South Park episodes but I’m running out of the latter.