Post # 1
We’ve been together for awhile now. I’m 26 and he’s 27. We are currently living with his parents because I’m in nursing school and we are saving money to buy a house and later to get married. This living with his parents is only suppose to last 2 yrs. For me it’s a long time but whatever helps while I finish school. Plus he says renting is a waste of money.
For the last year, he has been making the little marks about how I’m lazy but I never took him to heart because yeah I do have lazy days. After school and work, I also cook for us or help his stay at home mother with cleaning the house so I feel like I’m entitled to lazy days. I contribute to her house bills so it’s not like I’m living there for free. Yeah I could be paying A LOT more at an apartment but I give her money for electricity, water or whatever. And the point was to save and help me out while I finished school. I can’t be this amazing “housewife” while we are living under someone else’s roof.
I never thought that he was really serious but last night he got BEYOND upset because I didn’t immediately go help his mother cook dinner. As I’m getting ready to leave he says me “You’re so fucking lazy, if this is how you really are I don’t know if I want to marry you” “You’re nothing but a lazy ass” I didn’t know he really felt like this. I didn’t even know what to say because I do SOOO much for us that he never has to pick a FUCKING sock or even wash his clothes so to hear this I was shocked. How do I even approach this again? I’m sooo irritated right now. All I responded was if you don’t like how I am stop wasting our time. This argument is to pity.
Post # 3
@dessilove: Um, if he was home, why wasn’t HE helping make dinner?
Is this all coming from him or are his parents complaining as well? Does his mom expect you to be the house maid in exchange for rent? Does your FI feel that as the owner of the vagina, housework and cooking is your job? Do you feel that you are doing your fair share of work?
Frankly, I think you should move out since he/they appear to resent your living there.
Do NOT buy a house with a man who has no commitment to you.
Post # 4
What does HE do all day? He has a lot of balls to call you lazy because you aren’t acting as his servant. I would have a SERIOUS problem marrying someone who thought I was lazy when I was always busting my butt in school, work and at home.
Post # 5
As usual, Zhabeego is spot on. Honestly, I could never date much less marry a guy who calls me a “lazy ass” and expects me to be his maid just b/c I don’t have a pen!s. Sorry.
Post # 6
@dessilove: Yeah I am surious how his parents are about the situation? Does his mom seem grateful? Does she make any comments to him about it?
Even so, he shouldn’t say things like that to you. It could have been discussed in a much better manner. Once everyone is calm I would try to sit down and have a discussion. maybe he doesn’t see the extra help you give to his mom around the house? Hopefully you pointing it out and seeing as it doesn’t sound like he does anything – he will apologize.
Just tell him exactly what you said above about how it is hard to be a good housewife under someone elses roof and I agree with other PP – why couldn’t HE help with dinner?
Post # 7
@dessilove: wow your boyfriend is incredibly rude and disrespectful. there is no way i would tolerate being spoken to that way. i would have responded, ‘i don’t want to marry a disrespectful bully that has no issue swearing and calling me names’. and i would MEAN IT
Post # 8
@dessilove: Your fiance showed a serious lack of respect for you by swearing at you. Make a list of all the things you DO…show him that, on top of your school and work pursuits, you still find time to do your fair share (and then some). Is there somewhere you can go for a few days to give yourself some space to really think about your relationship? It would be over if my fiance ever yelled and swore at me. You definitely need to invest some reflection time here…
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Wow. You should make sure that he has reasonable expectations of you before you get any further! Yikes.
And that’s not even touching on the really rude and kind of cruel way he talks to you… that would not be ok in my book! Even when my husband is fucking pissed at me, he still treats me with respect.
Post # 10
@Zhabeego: +1,000. I’d never be with someone who talked to me like that and wanted me to be a stepford wife. His mother can’t manage dinner on her own? I’d rather pay rent than deal with that nonsense. The cost of freedom!
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I agree that I would never put up with an SO/FI speaking to me that way with such disrespect. I’d be out the door.
Post # 12
After reading your post, my first thought was that this isn’t really him talking. Are you on good terms with his parents? I just wonder if they are giving your FI an earful, which is making him tense around home and act out towards you.
This isn’t an excuse though. I would be very cautious and try to work this all out before you get married…if that’s the plan eventually. I know that I would not be okay with my DH all of a sudden having certain expectations about my role in our relationship without a proper discussion.
But all that said, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hang in there and try to talk to your FI about all this.
Post # 13
Hmm… you really want to be with a man that treats you this way?! What he said aside, that is unacceptable, and a real issue. If he is just now starting to talk to you this way, what makes you think he won’t continue to do so, and further degrade you throughout the course of your relationship?
Post # 14
His parents have never said anything to me. He has never once said anything to me either about his parents saying anything. I’m acutally really close to his parents so close that I feel like she would tell me if I wasn’t helping out enough.
Post # 15
@dessilove: Why didnt he help his Mom with dinner? If he already doesnt do any housework and is mad at you for not doing enough…and you marry him…you will spend your life being his maid (and prob called names because it will never be as good as his stay at home Mom).
PLUS, he called you a name–BYE BYE! I’m not the neatest person and I’ve been unemployed, so in reality I have time to clean, but I dont. But DH would never call me lazy or a lazy ass. So disrespectful.
I would start looking for your own place or a new roommate!
Post # 16
Woah… Not acceptable. First I would ask him where that came from because if this is the first time you’re actaully hearing about it, besides a few random comments, its maybe coming from his parents. If he ACTUALLY feels that way i would get out of there so fast he wouldnt even realize what happened until I was moved into my own place. That is NOT ok to talk to ANYONE like that. And what was he so busy doing that he can hurl insults and criticims at you, but couldnt go lend his mom a hand his damn-self! I hate when men behave that way, its disgusting.