- 4 years ago
I am mostly a lurker, I have posted a few times here before, though.
Last night, my bf broke up with me over skype 🙁 (we were long distance). Our relationship has gone downhill ever since christmas, where he told me he wasn’t ready to get engaged and I started being more and more paranoid about his feelings for me. It is a very long story, but the bottom line is: we argued more and more, I was becoming more and more paranoid and jealous (for a good reason, but we were trying to rebuild the trust).
Last time I saw him in May was not good. We were fighting almost all of the time, due to stupid reasons. We both came to realize that we probably are just incompatible and should not be together. I knew it, but did not have the balls to break up. HE DID.
Yesterday, I asked him what is wrong, since he was acting really distant with me. He said we need to talk, and we skyped. He told me that his feelings towards me have changed, that he doesn’t think that we can fix our relationship, that he I am pushing him for an engagement and he is just not ready for that. He said he can’t see how we can make it work and that he is really sorry to hurt me, but we need to break up. My whole world fell apart. Although deep down I knew that we are in trouble, I was hoping it would get better, that I would work on myself and stop being this paranoid, jealous gf, that we would be happy again. I was going to move back to our country (I live abroad), and was hoping that us living together in the same place would help things.
I asked him not to break up. I am very embarassed about this, but I literally begged him to stay. I was so shocked. Then, after realizing that he made up his mind, I said ok and we said goodbye.
I called my friend and spent the night at her place. I drank lots of beer and cried myself to sleep. Today I sent him an email, saying goodbye, and telling him how disappointed I am that he just gave up on us like that, but also saying that I don’t regret anything and that I am just really sorry it had to end this time.
Deep down I know that this may be for the better. Than I will meet someone with whome the relationship will NOT be so much work. Someone who will appreciate me and love me as much as I love him. But now, IT HURTS SO BAD :(((
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I did not go to work today, and I am lying in my bed, checking my emails (to see if he has replied). Even if he came crawling back to me (he has done it before), I would not be able to move past this, I would not be able to trust him again after letting me down so badly.
Rationally, I know I should just move on. But my heart is aching so badly and I can’t stop thinking about our good times together, about how he made me laugh and how great a chemistry we had. We were supposed to go on a holiday together this summer, now I don’t even know what to do and where to go anymore. Almost all of my friends are in relationships, engaged, or married… I don’t remember how to be single and it really terrifies me 🙁
Any advice, help, moral support would be much appreaciated!!!