He lied to my mom?

posted 1 month ago in Waiting
Post # 2
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

If he had of atleast tried to keep the promise to your dying mother, then I’d probably wait.. However he had no intention and still doesn’t.. He is horrible I’d be long gone 

Post # 3
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You guys are both pretty young. 25 is young for a guy. I’d wait it out if you’re both on the same page. I was with my fiancé 10 years before he proposed when we were 27. 

Post # 4
2288 posts
Buzzing bee

Ooof, that’s hard. My father passed away so I know that having a promise kept to him would be important. I would have a hard time getting past that. I really would. Only you can see what your gut is telling you. Does he really want to marry you? Have you discussed with him why he said that he would marry you Syu your mom could be there and then changed his mind? I would need to know his reason before anything else.

The fact of that plus two times after he pushed the date back. I think that would be unbearable for me and would likely be a deal breaker. But what does your gut say? 

As for the kids, you have tons of time at 25 to meet someone else and have kids. I mean, tons of time. If that’s what your concerned about mostly, I wouldn’t worry because 25 is young and there’s time. 

Post # 5
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

To me this isn’t forgivable and I would listen to your moms advice about leaving him. What he did is disgusting.

Post # 6
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

He doesn’t sound ready to get married. Seems like he told your mum that as a nice thought but didn’t think he’d actually have to do it. I don’t think it was an intentional lie, I think he was just foolish and didn’t think it through/didn’t realise how little time your mum actually had. The consequences must be devastating though. I think you need to tell him how much it bothers you. His reaction could tell you a lot one way or the other. 

Post # 7
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Also, about your mom. He would have been what, 23, when he made that promise? He probably meant what he said but didn’t grasp the gravity of that responsibility. He couldn’t have predicted her passing. I don’t think this should be an unforgivable thing. 

Post # 8
1886 posts
Buzzing bee

alex313 :  23 is old enough to know what he was doing. He isn’t a kid. And yeah, he could predict her passing – if she was that sick that they spoke of getting married sooner, he knew. 

My FI was 23 when he proposed. Could have asked sooner but waited for our anniversary trip overseas. 

britt525 :  I would walk away. For a few reasons. 1) Who makes a promise to get married so a dying family member could be there, then just doesn’t? 

2) The fact that he set a date with you then just ghosted? Sounds like you guys maybe have a communication issue? 

3) He bought himself more time shooting for November

4) Then bought himself more by suggesting next October

5) It really feels like he is toying with you. Your mum was right, he’s telling you what you want to hear just to avoid the conversations.

The dishonesty bothers me. If he’s not ready to get married, fine. But be a man and say that, stop playing games with the girl who loves you. 

And bee, I’m really sorry about your mum. Hugs xx

Post # 9
292 posts
Helper bee

Your mom’s dying words were basically giving you advice to leave this relationship and you are still questioning if you should?!  Hmmmm… I think you should listen to your mom.

Post # 10
118 posts
Blushing bee

I am so very sorry! Losing a loved one to cancer is a heart wrenching experience, and I can’t imagine what you’ve been through with it being your mom. As for your bf, I do think that 25 is old enough to be mature enough to make a marriage decision. You’ve been together for a while now. I think the kicker for me would be his promise to your mom. He didn’t have to make that promise, but he did – and then he didn’t go through with it. With what he’s saying and how he’s acting now, I’d be afraid that he’s an appeaser and will say anything for you to stay. He sounds too comfortable.

I’m with PPs about your mom’s final advice to you. You should take it.

Post # 11
1042 posts
Bumble bee


Post # 12
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My mom told me before she passed that if he was lying to make me feel better I should leave because he will just tell me stuff to make me feel better my whole life.” This is a particularly odd peice of advice – especially given the timing. The fact that she gave it to you says to me that there’s more going on than we know, and she who loves you and knew you both was giving good and important advice 

Post # 13
7464 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If he’s already lied to you about your future together, I’m sure he will do it again. Respect your mother’s last piece of advice, and break it off with him. You don’t need him for baggage. 

Post # 14
103 posts
Blushing bee

So he made a promise to your dying mother and then he blew both of you off? Wtf why are you still with him??

Post # 15
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

Listen to your Mom!

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