Post # 1
I’m not going to post the whole story, because it has to do with illegal things. (But In My Humble Opinion.. things that are okay.)
We’ve been together for a little less than a year and have lived together for 9 months. He’s amazing.. super sweet guy and we’re just great together 🙂
Well I caught him in a lie last week, but it wasn’t that big of a deal — just the fact he lied.
Well, tonight I blatantly asked him if he’d been at X Bar, and he said no.After looking thru his phone when he fell asleep I found that he HAD been at X Bar to meet someone. (He had a very different story as to why he was home from work late earlier!!)(he didn’t get mad, and I don’t care if he goes thru my phone, I guess he doesn’t either)
They’re not huge lies — he’s not cheating or doing anything terrible behind my back. The fact is he hid things and lied to me, which is a big deal to me. Esp when it’s about kind of the same thing twice!
I have deep wounds from a past relationship about lying.. He just totally brought all of that back and I’m afraid I’m going to have major trust issues with him now!
I just don’t get it.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry that this happened – it’s not a good feeling, and having it happened before definitely not fun. Give him a chance to explain, and if you believe that he can be better (being truthfully from now on), then make sure to make him feel comfortable to tell you the truth.
Post # 4
It seems from your post that he lied to protect you from something or because he was embarrased? Tell him as he can see you will learn the truth eventually some other way and feel worse cause he lied, so whatever the truth is you prefer to know.
Post # 5
Lying is lying and thats not right. We all make mistakes and slip up but it still doesnt make it ok. You need to discuss with him why he did it and how it makes you feel, especially with doing it more than once. Another thing, though, is that you shouldnt automatically go to that place where he has nothing to do with. Its not fair to make him pay for others mistakes (unless he was part of your issues with trust) and I know its hard because Ive been there with my Fiance so its really just important to talk about this with him. Communication is so crucial.
Im sorry this happened and Im sure it wasnt to hurt you, just talk to him. *hugs*
Post # 6
I’m sorry to say this, but a lie is a lie no matter how small or big. My honest advice: it doesn’t bode well for your future. I wish you all the best and hope you get through this alright and in the best way for you.
Post # 7
I agree with the above 2 posts. See how best you can communicate and move forward from here.
Post # 8
i’m sure that’s very hard to deal with. i hope you are able to get some answers. it’s become apparent to me that the hands-down, number one, most important thing in a relationship is trust. you deserve complete and total trust in your relationship; nearly everything else hinges on that. good luck!
Post # 9
Lies are lies. He has to learn to trust you with the truth and you need to be able to trust that he’s telling the truth, who wants to be in a relationship with someone who feels they have to manipulate you. I think it’s something a lot of guys have to get over. So work on it and help him focus on it’s not the action it’s the LIE.
Post # 10
Okay so I’m coming at this from a slightly different angle. While I do not excuse the behavior by any means, I have been in a similar situation and I think it is really easy for someone who hasn’t been there to say lying is unacceptable and be very hard-line about it.
Yes, lying is terrible. Destroying the trust is one of the worst things a relationship can go through. However, I think it is important to dig into the issue and figure out why it happened and whether it is a habitual thing. Counseling could be very helpful.
I could go on and on about this and would be happy to talk to you about this privately if you like. Just wanted to lend my support. I know how tough it can be when you feel deceived, regardless of the reason behind it.
Post # 11
I would also add that if you can, avoid telling your friends about this. I know that sounds totally counterintuitive. Friends/family will not forgive when and if you do. It can be tough to move forward in that situation, whether or not they are vocal about their concerns.
We’re here for you.
Post # 12
He’s lying to you AND you are snooping. Both very very bad things.
I’d call him out on it and ask him why he feels the need to lie to you. If he lies about where he goes, who knows what else he lies about?
Post # 13
get to the bottom of the lie….was he truly doing something wrong, or is he just worried about what your reaction/response will be to something if you were to know about it? I know with myself (and this is something I am working on within my own relationship) that I am really trying to be completely open with Fiance, whether or not I think its something that might make us argue…in the past, i would withhold information, and not be open, for fear of what he would say (I just didnt want us to get into an argument because I know I get REALLY sensitive about stuff, and he is REALLY opinionated on stuff that I happen to be REALLY sensitive about….)
Either way, you both need to talk through this and figure out why he lied…is he worried that you think he drinks too much, or hangs out with his friends too much? Get to the bottom of it! You both have a right to feel as though you can trust each other completely throughout your marriage, if no one else.