Post # 1
Been dating my bf for a 1 1/2 years. He lives in a house with brothers and i cant take it anymore. I feel like this real world house is making them think they are in a frat. They all have significant others but no one is engaged yet.
To add things about this house, his parents live out of state and literally visit every other weekend to check up on their “boys”. the parents also pull surprise visits or their father will come visit to watch football games with them. when they come down they expect the guys to spend time together (just the brothers together not including their gfs) it has gotten to the point where the father said i want you all to go out to dinner and ill pay for it. when he meant dinner he meant just the guys. Really? they are grown man!
I used to go over there but me and the gfs stopped doing this because we are growing tired of this. the parents are controlling, they call 24/7 even when they say we are out to dinner or hanging out they will even call at 2am.
ugh they are 30years old. it seems like the parents want them to stay together forever and not let them grow up.
personally, should i bother sitting around and dating a guy who a. lives in a house with his brothers, b. has his parents come and cook clean make them all spend time together?
Me and the girlfriends have no clue how much longer we can deal with this cause it is just constant, every other weekend visits by the parents, ughhhhhh!
Post # 3
My mother in law packs us a cooler full of left over food, homemade rolls, chicken soup, cinnamon rolls, fruit, every time we go visit. At first I thought it was kind of weird. I mean, we can cook for ourselves! But then I realized that his family is just really close. Maybe part of it is his mom doesn’t want to let him go, and still thinks of him as a college kid (we’re in law/grad school). Part of it is she just wants to be nice. Who says you have to cut all ties after marriage?
I’m not saying your situation is like ours at all. But maybe step back and try to look at it as just a close family for a week, and see if your opinion changes.
Post # 4
to me it sounds like the family are tight and enjoy each others company – you give no indication that the guys are complaining about spending time with their dad
Post # 5
I have to ask you… don’t you think it’s weird that the gf’s are never included in family stuff??? Even after dating for 1.5 years??? I would have a problem with it and I feel that other bees would, too.
@jedeve: You said your Mother-In-Law packs BOTH OF YOU a cooler of food… it seems that she is accepting of you both as a couple. When I read the OP’s story – it sounds far from it. That is a problem. The family should take some time to get to know the gf’s and include them in stuff. Come on, these guys are 30!! The parents sound like they never want the thought of their sons ever marrying.
@sexykitten: This is what I’m gathering from your post. I’d be upset, too. Everyone wants to be included when they are involved with someone or at least invited to functions. (unless someone on their own will wants nothing to do with the other family).
Post # 6
thank you for your kind words of advice
a little more info
we are included when the parents visit we used to all go out for dinners sit watch movies etc.
however lately things have changed. one brother is dating a girl whom the family doesnt like cause she is here on a student visa
me on the other hand i got into an argument with his older brother and now his brother doesnt talk me (the bf took care of this situation by saying this is my gf its my decision to be with her so be respectful to her)
the older brother is dating a girl whos in her mid 30s and one day she told me ” she should get an engagement ring before me and the other gfs cause shes older” nevertheless shes not engaged yet. one day i asked the older brother have you startred looking at rings his reponse was this football season is more important to me then looking at rings i of course didnt tell her this
we have always been included but we are tired of it now. surprise visits. ? we want to spend time with our boyfriends not their mom and dad.
in my opinion i understand they are close as a family, however, it is time to let the boys go and let them live their life. it seems like the mom and dad do these visits now and are mandating the brothers to do dinner just with themselves. in order to straighten out this tension between the brothers. each brother basically doesnt approve of one anothers relationship therefore there is tension in the air when we are all there
me and the girlfriends get along great and plus we fill each other in with everything, we are just tired they need to let go. its the weekend and mom and dad shouldnt do surprise visits just so they make sure their sons stay in and bond some more.
also this house was bought with all the brothers, and they cant sell it now cause of the housing market the plan was to live together for 3 years in the house, well its been 3 1/2 years now, if one brother is to get engaged they will sell it, however the older brother has just recently mentioned he is planning on getting engaged.
UGH its just they need to grow up 🙁
Post # 7
when they come down they expect the guys to spend time together (just the brothers together not including their gfs) it has gotten to the point where the father said i want you all to go out to dinner and ill pay for it. when he meant dinner he meant just the guys.
This is why I gathered my info….
You marry the man, you marry the family. So my advice is think long and hard if you can handle/do this forever. You can’t change any of it. Some things may get better, some things may get worse.
Post # 8
I don’t really find it weird that none of them are engaged. It doesn’t sound like any of them have been dating anyone for a period of time that would make me go “WOW why aren’t they engaged?”
But as far as the parents visiting a lot – maybe they are just bored. It sucks that they don’t “approve” of one of the gfs and now all of you (it sounds like 3?) are excluded from activities. I think that’s immature of the parents to think their approval is needed for their grown sons to date people.
It’s weird that they call all the time, BUT, FI’s dad and brother call all the time too. It’s annoying but it’s just how they do things. My Mom and I text all the time, so I can understand it. I just don’t approve when it’s during dinner or whatnot – and he knows, and doesn’t usually answer.
Post # 9
Have you told your boyfriend that this bothers you? Do you get time to yourself?
Post # 10
the parents dont approve of the girl because she has a student visa.
they dont approve of me cause of the argument i had with his brother., the dad said is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with (his brother said mean things to me and the other gf so i took a stand and spoke back one night)
we do get time to ourselves, however the dad mom call about every hour to check up UGH! and when they plan surprise visits they expect their sons to stay home and at this point we are just tired of it
i am close with my family so i understand the closeness factors, however, i feel like the parents dont want to let the kids go or grow up. i did mention this to my bf and he said that the parents are paranoid and a bit overwhelming. if i tell my mother or father i am going out to dinner they wont call up again in 1 hour to check up on things. these phone calls are starting to be annoying i always say answer it so i dont have to hear them call 4x in a row….
yes there is 3 of them
the older brother has been dating for 2 years
the other brother for 2years also
and us for a year and half.
how can all of us move on to a more serious relationship when they live together, or if their parents want the sons to stay and live together forever?