- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
A day doesn’t go by without him saying or txting me, “I love you, I love you more, I love you so much…” And I love him so very much and in love with him.
I was with my ex for 8yrs. We lived together and it was an abusive relationship (physical, verbal, emotionally, sexually…)He was my first love and I was very much in love with him. Until I finally woke up, had enough, left and fell out of love. He beat me down so much that I couldn’t feel anything emotionally.
My Fiance now is the total opposite. He gave me hope that I can love again ( a bit corny. lol) But I feel like I have my life back. I learned to love myself and was happy after leaving my ex, but my Fiance just opened me up again to love someone else.
My problem is that, I sincerely feel and know I love my Fiance and I know he loves me. But I guess I’ve been told, “I love you and I’m in love with you,” by my ex so mant times, that he kinda made me numb from those words. Obviously thinking how can he love me or say he loves me, when he treats me so so poorly. Worse than he would a stranger. So I got immune to those words, relating them to hatred and meaningless words. So I see when my Fiance txt me ILove You, I just see them as words and feel no emotion. I feel an emptiness seeing those words. I hope I’m making sense.
Is this normal to have feelings like this as a side effect from being in an abusive relationship? I know they are just words and my feelings are different because I do feel loved and I love him. But when I see those words, I’m numb to it. I just think its weird how being in a traumatic situation, can alter the smallest things in life that should automatically be simple.