Post # 1
Long story short. My SO and I were very open about the ring buying process. I knew that he had ordered it, but didn’t know when it would be arriving. I thought it would take 3-4 weeks and as it turned out it took more like 2.5 weeks. FedEx was supposed to hold it for him to pick up, but they delivered it anyway. He now tells me that he had things all planned out and what was so great about it was that I was going to still be surprised despite knowing that the ring had been ordered. Now he’s devastated that I know that the ring is here. He was so excited to get to plan things and surprise me. I keep trying to tell him that I can still be surprised and that I will still be happy, but he is so upset. I don’t know what to do. He said that he was going to call my parents to ask permission and that it was going to happen within the week. I just feel so bad that he is so upset.
Post # 3
The proposal itself will still be a surprise – you knew approximately when the ring would arrive anyway.
Tell him not to let this get him down. Sometimes things happen. This can’t be changed but it doesn’t have to take the happiness out of the rest of it.
(he might want to call FedEx and let them know what happened. Maybe he’ll save someone else from going thru the same thing)
Post # 4
At this point I would keep your mouth absolutely shut. To everyone. Do not mention the ring, a future, an impending engagement, FedEx, packages, ANYTHING! – just drop it all. You know it’s coming, and he wants to do it his way – so let him. He’s already upset, so do not do anything to make him think you’re waiting on him, or getting impatient. Just chill on it all.
Post # 5
@futuregattman: he can still surprise you. i thought i knew when my ring was arriving but it got there one day early and iw as super surprised. but it’s not like you have any idea what day he’ll do it on or how, so he needs to just get past his disappointment since there’s nothing either of you can do about you signing for it at this point
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I don’t understand how he thought it was fine you knew that he ordered it, but not that you knew it was here- things that get ordered generally arrive. You knew it was coming! This doesn’t change anything, he’s being silly.
Post # 7
@GroovyHippieChick: He definitely had some words with FedEx. All they kept saying was that there was nothing that they could do and that they were sorry. I keep telling him that it will still be a surprise, but he was just so excited that he would finally get to really surprise me.
@kariface: I definitely haven’t told anyone anything. It literally just happened this afternoon, and he said that he feels really embarassed that it happened even though it’s not his fault. Either way I was definitely going to wait until the actual proposal to tell anyone anything.
@li612: That’s exactly what I said to him. I told him that I could definitely still be surprised and that ultimately while a super surprise proposal is nice it’s not really what it’s all about. I think he was just so excited about it that it really got him down when everything got ruined.
@MeiFrancis: That’s what I kept saying that if his plans had fallen through that eventually I would have known that he had it. I guess he was just really banking on the fact that I didn’t know that it would be here yet and that with it showing up early that he could still surprise me.
@ Everyone: Thank you so much for all of your advice!
Post # 8
@futuregattman: It’s unfortunate that the ring arrived early and that your SO is upset about it, but he can still surprise you with how, when and where the proposal takes place.
Post # 9
Oh no! My FI would be so upset also if that happened! The day we got back ( 2 days after he proposed) there was mail from the jewlery store! They swore to him they wouldn’t mail anything! ugh!
I wouldn’t mention a thing. Don’t even try to cheer him up any more. Pretend you forgot about it all together! Good luck!!
Post # 10
@FutureMrs.browneyes: Thanks for the advice and congrats on your engagement!
Post # 11
Depending on your FI’s sense of humor, perhaps you both can agree to turn this source of regret into something fun and secret that’s meaningful to you and shared only between the two of you for now, by your both agreeing to pretend that you signed for something OTHER than a ring.
You both could begin jokingly referring to the package as this other item instead of a ring. I know it sounds a little silly, but it may help to take the pressure off of him so that you both can — obviously knowingly — agree to teasingly pretend that you didn’t sign for your own ring but rather as his box of whatever (perhaps a rare baseball card or autographed baseball, his favorite football jersey, a part for a classic car he’s restoring, engraved cufflinks, whatever would be fun or funny for both of you) until after the engagement. This then could become part of your engagement story. 🙂
Post # 12
@kariface: I agree, and I don’t think she’s talking about you telling other people. Since there’s nothing you can do to make him feel better, act like it never happened. If you don’t talk about the ring/engagement, he’ll feel like he can surprise you again.
Post # 13
@Brielle: Thanks for the idea! I really like that spin on it. I kept telling him that in 20 years we’re going to think that this whole thing was funny and is actually a pretty good representation of our relationship.
Post # 14
Awe, I would tell him you likely would have figured it out beforehand anyways, especially since you already knew the ring was ordered. Once the ring is bought, all chances of a surprise proposal are out the window, the specific way he asks will be the only surprise.
Post # 15
*sigh* if only some of us had your problems….le sigh
Post # 16
My FI and I picked out my ring together, and I pretty much figured out when he picked it up. Knowing he had it didn’t affect anything. He got the ring in July, but didn’t propose until September. I made a point to make him be the one to look for the lost XYZ because I wanted to make sure I didn’t stumble upon it. I hope your SO doesn’t make you wait that long!