Post # 1
A little while ago my SO and I were talking (a little nervously, because we hadn’t talked about it before) about getting married at some point in the next 3 years or so, and eventually the subject of rings came up. I told him I already knew of some I really like, and would he mind looking at them online with me sometime? He said he wouldn’t mind, in a perfectly cheerful but maybe slightly nervous tone of voice.
Since then the subject of engagement, rings, etc. has come up numerous times (eek, it’s mostly me bringing it up because of something someone said to me, somebody we know getting married, etc., and I KNOW I need to stop but somehow I can’t help it =O), but I am worried I’m pushing the matter and so I haven’t said anything more about looking at rings. Plus he caught a glimpse of one I like at one point and was shocked by the price.
Um. . . I’m imagining that a lot of you will say that we’re just not ready yet and need to talk about this more clearly. . . but if you were in this situation, would you figure he was really willing to look at rings or just SAID that? (He almost never just says things to make me stop worrying about something– he’s very genuine 🙂 ) BUT the whole subject makes him nervous, therefore it makes me nervous too b/c I don’t want to be disappointed (ack, terrible thing to say, highly unlikely really as our relationship is wonderful and communication generally excellent).
Ugh, waiting is annoying. I might have another couple years to wait at this point, although I don’t want to. I know. . . I need to tell him how I feel. . .
Post # 3
@Creiddylad: I mean, my SO was nervous, more because he knew nothing about rings, what is good, what I’d like, and especially going into jewelry stores, even with me next to him, he was just like a deer in headlights. So many cases. So many dollar signs. He shared his budget with me, and I found ones around that figure. Obviously if money had been no object, I would have leaned in a different direction, but I still found a ring I loved that was the right price for us. Looking online was much less “pressure” because I could send him links, we could just check out different sites on a Friday night just hanging out, and if there was one we both liked, I’d bookmark it for later. Nothing serious, no “where is your credit card let’s buy this now,” just browsing. I would tell him that while you don’t expect him to buy a ring this week/this month, you’d love to look at options with him. If he is still nervous, I would look at options yourself (I even went into jewelry stores by myself) and then perhaps in a few months when you bring it up again, you’ll have 5 rings to show him/ask him about, rather than an infinite number of terror! See what I mean?
ETA: If you find one you do like but it’s out of his budget, share it here and we love trying to find more afforable options that are similar! 🙂
Post # 4
We started talking wedding colours 3 months after we met (FI is colour blind) but some people need more time. For us going to the mall was a great way to look at rings as you walk by and point out “oh I so like that, no rush just letting you know my style if and when that time comes”. Keep in mind price tags can really scare a guy but if you can keep a ring budget friendly it might help in the entire process.
Post # 5
@love108: I think you are absolutely right about the reasons that ring shopping may scare guys. My SO told me he wanted to go looking at rings together back in December but he didn’t say when. I had looked on my own (I didn’t tell him that) but I knew it would be important to him for us to do it together. He asked my dad for his blessing for us to get married in February. A week after that, he told me I needed to be patient and that he had a plan for the proposal. He said he wanted to go ring looking soon. So in March, we had some time on our hands and I suggested we look at rings online. We looked and I found some that I liked. I wrote down the numbers and suggested that we actually go in.
I felt like I had to drag him in the store. He seemed nervous and edgy and it made me feel terrible. I found the one I liked the most and the clerk wrote all the info down so he could come back later. When we left, he told me that he didn’t want to go at first, but was really glad we did. He said that it wasn’t the thought of marriage – he knew he wanted to marry me and had known for quite some time. He said it had more to do with the fact that money was tight and it was a bit overwhelming at first (the ring I chose was at the bottom of his budget). But now he had a plan and was more secure. He had never bought anything like this, and doesn’t know much about diamonds and so it was a lot to take in.
So I would go ahead and look online first and gage his reaction. It’s ok for him to be nervous and he said he would at least look. Maybe he’ll warm up to it and then you can go to a store and look if he feel comfortable. Don’t worry too much about it!!
Post # 6
@Creiddylad: Before I can answer I have a couple of questions: How old are both of you? How long have you been dating exclusively? How established are you in your careers or are you both still getting your educations?
Things like this do matter a lot (especially to guys) when it comes to taking the next steps in life such as getting engaged and married. Do you feel he’s starting to think about taking things to the next level with you? Obviously you’re thinking along those lines and getting more ready. Is he ready?
Post # 7
Let’s see– I was monstrously busy with finishing school and changing work schedules, which is why I have been ignoring this thread for 5 days. . . apologies to everyone who took the trouble to reply!
@Sunfire: To answer your questions, I’m 25 and he’s 40 (big age difference, but it works for us 🙂 ) We have been together, exclusively, for 3 years and about 2 months, and he is well-established in 2 different careers but is kind of in transition from one to the other– the one that’s been his major income for 20 years is something he doesn’t really want to do anymore (construction) and he’s working on building up more work in his other career (writing and editing, in which he’s successful but not full-time). So I think his nervousness comes from being a little uncertain as to what’s going on careerwise. For me– I have been supporting myself, on a shoestring, for a while but just got a job in my field that pays decently, and will be off to grad school in the fall. Which (grad school) is part of the reason I would like to be engaged– I think it would be nice to do something of that kind before I have to be elsewhere for 1/2 the time (probably we’ll be together weekends only 🙁 ).
So, there you go. . . not sure if anyone will bother looking at this thread again, but anyway, thanks!