Post # 1
So last night in bed, FI mentioned having a “Prenup Agreement” before we get married. He’s a joker so at first I was laughing and didn’t think he was serious, but I guess HE WAS. He said he just wants his things protected and if something happens between us, whatever we went in before the marraige will be ours.
Mind you, I’m not marrying a Hilton or a Kardashian so when he brought this up it really took me by surprise, and got me a little upset. Although I do understand that we all can not predict the future and we have to protect ourselves. Trust is huge for me and when he tells me this, it makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me at all! He owns his own company, nothing major.
As far as assets, unless he’s got mulah or a secret inheritance that he’s not telling me, i’m totally confused. Should I just go along with him and sign a prenup? We’ve been together happily for 4 years. No issues. No history of me taking his money or any other things that would make him think that I’m just a gold digger.
Confused. To me we are planning our divorce already and we aren’t even married yet.
Post # 3
@NVMox2480: Find out what he wants first before being upset or making a decision.
Post # 4
Wow if that came totally out of the blue I’m not surprised you’re a little gobsmacked, particularly if he’s no Warren Buffett. I’d ask him why he wanted one – non-confrontationally, just because I’d be really curious, but be open to the idea I suppose. Bit different for me – H2B and I both went all in financially to buy a house together as well as pay for our wedding, and everything is in joint names. But I remember wondering at the time if it might be worth doing (idly, as I pay a much larger slice of the mortgage than he does) and ruled it out as it seeming to be (and perhaps actually being) untrusting.
Post # 5
I’d probably be hurt too. My best advice is to talk to him, find out why he feels this way. You’re marrying him, he should be able to give you an honest answer.
Post # 6
@NVMox2480: It sounds like he has trust issues as well. I think you should talk about it together some more.
Post # 7
Owning his own company is something major, even if it’s just a small company. I can understand him wanting to protect it. A prenup can also protect YOU in case something bad happens with him or his business financially. If it’s important to him, try to at least hear him out so that you guys can work on a compromise that makes you both happy.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@NVMox2480: He owns his own company, there’s reason enough in my mind! I don’t think it would hurt for you to both meet with attorneys and discuss the advantages. Don’t look at it as something that means you WILL eventually get a divorce.
Post # 9
Eh I wouldn’t worry about it before you see the terms. I don’t think prenups are a big deal and I wouldn’t take offense to be asked to sign one (unless the terms were ridiculous) or see it as a sign he doesn’t love or trust you or think it’s going to work out.
He owns his own company, which to me is reason enough. No matter how small or successful it is right now. If I had a company (or a significant inheritance) I’d definitely be getting a prenup.
Post # 10
I say be open minded to it.
My husband and I looked in to getting a prenup before we got married. It was really to protect his assets, as I didn’t really have much in the way of assets anyhow. The only thing he really needed to protect was his home.
We went to a lawyer to figure it out, and it turns out that a prenup would have basically been a waste of money for us. Our lawyer told us that as soon as you get married and sleep overnight in a home, it’s considered the family home and even if you signed a prenup it wouldn’t stand up in court. He also mentioned that after 5 years of marriage, most prenups don’t hold up in court as it is considered that things have changed and the document no longer stands as strong as it did 5 years previously. (Please note that we got this information in Ontario, I can’t speak for anywhere else).
He may be worried about his business. Is it incorporated? Does he have partners he needs to protect? I already owned 50% of our business before we were married, so a prenup would have done nothing for that too.
Post # 11
Hmm this is a hard one…I can understand your situation. While my FI has not mentioned a pre-nup, he does own his own company with his dad and brother so it’s a similar situation. I don’t think he doesn’t trust you, it’s just that he’s protecting the company he worked hard for. My FI’s dad is basically stuck in an unhappy marriage because he’s afraid his wife will take half of the company that he worked to create and she had nothing to do with it. (and my FI and his brother own part so that also worries me lol)
If my FI asked for a pre-nup, because of the company thing, I wouldn’t be offended because, I’m not gonna lie, I would probably consider the same thing if it was the other way around.
Post # 12
I agree 100% with mchitt329 and lanalnoco.
If he has his own business, a pre-nup may be a good idea for both of you. If anything happens to his business, it may protect you and your assets. Since he brought it up, I would make sure to have a lawyer, with our interests in mind, review it before signing.
Post # 13
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@DeathByDesign: Please note that we got this information in Ontario
Thanks for adding that part in – that sounded really strange to me before then! In my state, premarital property is exactly that. What you come into the relationship with, you leave with.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t be mad at him. This is a pretty decent request, one that I made to my fiance, and he makes more money than me.
While we would all like to think that our relationships are perfect and forever, truth is that almost a majority of us will get divorced. And divorce doesn’t bring out the most civil person in each of us. Yes, it is possible, but I wouldn’t bank on it.
If he owns his own business, it’s probably him wanting to protect it. I dont know how divorces work in your state, but you could be entitled to much of his assests, including his business. And if he does come in to money years from now, this would protect him and you.
I would counter by making a list of things you want for yourself and your potential children. Go see a lawyer and sign.
Post # 15
Don’t freak out. Owning your own business is not some small thing, it’s a major thing! I don’t fault him for wanting to ensure and protect the future of his company. That being said, don’t just “go along with it” either. Talk it out, find out exactly what his thoughts are, and if it’s really just about the company, I don’t see it as a huge deal. The words “pre-nup” can be scary and they conjure up all kinds of emotions, but when you talk it out it’s usually not a huge issue if he only wants to protect his company.
Post # 16
@NVMox2480: I don’t think that having a pre-nup is planning for a divorce. In most cases, a prenup can protect you and your fiance from debt and poor credit scores. Personal example: when my parent’s divorced, my mom had to pay half of my father’s debts that he racked up on his own because they were married and had no prenup. This article kinda goes into why prenups aren’t only for famous/weatlthy people anymore.