Post # 1
He said “when you start making more money than me, you can make these decisions”
WTH, funny thing is last i checked we are not that different at all. (im pretty sure after taxes last year i actually made more?) but this is the second time he has said this? To me its just nonsense. We have only been married two months. where did this come up? We talked about it and how its bull **&* and he felt bad. but i help him out with his business all the time. even then after that whole talk he asked if i could come down and help a little. :/ even though i went, i told him see?? i dont get any credit for helping you, i dont ask for money. its physical work its not like some paperwork which i help with also. i thought we were partners. it kinda hurt.
Has anyone else got this before???
Post # 3
Umm, my Dad said that to me a few times when I was a bratty teenager bitching about my car (that they paid for) and things like that, but my DH would never. That is a very parent-child thing to say to someone. Yikes.
Post # 4
Very parent-child and yes, I believe my father told me the same thing a few times!
Post # 6
Totally unacceptable. FI made a comment to me along those lines once. You can bet your ass I made it clear that if he ever said that again, I’d be out the door.
Post # 7
@souza_2005: My SO makes five times what I do and would never say that to me.
Post # 8
First he tried to use it in a situation where he wanted to buy a piece of property (with his 3 brothers) no house on it, no plumping just property. in his parents town. not even where we live. he tried to use that excuse…i shut him down and we are not getting it. but its like he still doesnt understand. the second time was even stupid-er. he wanted another computer chair and we have a studio. its just cluttery. if we do get one i want a nice leather one so some where he thought that this excuse applyed to that too. I swear! and guys think women are the only crazy ones. At least i won both arguments but i dont really feel like i did.
Post # 9
Eww. That is just all kinds of wrong.
Post # 10
@MexiPino: +1 to this as well.
I’m a stay at home parent and my husband would never say his decisions trumped mine.
Post # 11
@iarebridezilla: +1. “While you’re living under my roof…blah blah.” Thanks, Dad 😛
I would not stand for my husband to say something like that to me. We are partners and all our money goes to joint goals. It doesn’t matter who contributes what. I’d imagine that only matters in a divorce 😉
Post # 12
I’m a supply teacher (read: 90% SAHW) and DH would never say that to me no matter how big or small the purchase. And if he ever did he’d sure as hell never do it a second time, because I would be gone.
Post # 13
@souza_2005: my dh would never say this to me. i find it very disrepectful.
you are a partnership and he should treat it as such. have you discussed counselling?
Post # 14
Well, first, congrats on not setting your H (he loses the D for today) on fire!
Because I might have!
The breadwinner can’t antagonize the lower money maker. Then you get a weird power dynamic! Like father-daughter… Eww.
Post # 15
How about you tell him he has to start acting like your partner because you feel weird about engaging in marital relations with someone who acts like your father! Ask him if he has an incest fantasy because otherwise he needs to treat you like an equal. If he’s that upset by the money difference (and apparently there isn’t that big of one), you can take a higher paying job, have less time to spend with him, and then YOU can tell HIM about what decisions he can and can’t make.
Post # 16
@souza_2005: Wow, this is totally unacceptable! I agree that this is very “parent-child”ish and is not okay in a mature, adult relationship. It sounds like he does regret saying it, and that’s a good thing. He understands that it wasn’t okay, so it’s not like he’s saying, “well that’s just how it is.”
As long as you have made it clear that you won’t stand for that attitude, then I think that is all you can do. I’m sure you’ve already talked about it, but just express how incredibly hurtful his words were and that it made you feel like you weren’t in a marriage, but more a dictatorship almost?
DH and I agree, our money is OUR money. I do ask before I make purchases, but it’s not to ask permission. It’s so that I can make sure I’m not going to be spending his gas money or something to that effect.
I’m sorry you dealt with this, but it sounds like it was just something he slipped up with. It’s not okay that he did it and I’m not condoning it, but we all get caught up in the moment sometimes and say things without thinking them through. Men, as we all know, ESPECIALLY.