He said what?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Umm, my Dad said that to me a few times when I was a bratty teenager bitching about my car (that they paid for) and things like that, but my DH would never. That is a very parent-child thing to say to someone. Yikes.

Post # 4
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@iarebridezilla:  +1

Very parent-child and yes, I believe my father told me the same thing a few times!

Post # 5
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Unacceptable.

Post # 6
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Totally unacceptable. FI made a comment to me along those lines once. You can bet your ass I made it clear that if he ever said that again, I’d be out the door.

Post # 7
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@souza_2005:  My SO makes five times what I do and would never say that to me. 

Post # 9
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Eww.  That is just all kinds of wrong.

Post # 10
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MexiPino:  +1 to this as well.

I’m a stay at home parent and my husband would never say his decisions trumped mine.

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@iarebridezilla:  +1. “While you’re living under my roof…blah blah.” Thanks, Dad 😛

I would not stand for my husband to say something like that to me. We are partners and all our money goes to joint goals. It doesn’t matter who contributes what. I’d imagine that only matters in a divorce 😉

Post # 12
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m a supply teacher (read: 90% SAHW) and DH would never say that to me no matter how big or small the purchase. And if he ever did he’d sure as hell never do it a second time, because I would be gone.

Post # 13
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@souza_2005:  my dh would never say this to me.  i find it very disrepectful.

you are a partnership and he should treat it as such.  have you discussed counselling?

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well, first, congrats on not setting your H (he loses the D for today) on fire!

Because I might have!

The breadwinner can’t antagonize the lower money maker. Then you get a weird power dynamic! Like father-daughter… Eww.

Post # 15
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

How about you tell him he has to start acting like your partner because you feel weird about engaging in marital relations with someone who acts like your father! Ask him if he has an incest fantasy because otherwise he needs to treat you like an equal. If he’s that upset by the money difference (and apparently there isn’t that big of one), you can take a higher paying job, have less time to spend with him, and then YOU can tell HIM about what decisions he can and can’t make.

Post # 16
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@souza_2005:  Wow, this is totally unacceptable! I agree that this is very “parent-child”ish and is not okay in a mature, adult relationship. It sounds like he does regret saying it, and that’s a good thing. He understands that it wasn’t okay, so it’s not like he’s saying, “well that’s just how it is.”

As long as you have made it clear that you won’t stand for that attitude, then I think that is all you can do. I’m sure you’ve already talked about it, but just express how incredibly hurtful his words were and that it made you feel like you weren’t in a marriage, but more a dictatorship almost? 

DH and I agree, our money is OUR money. I do ask before I make purchases, but it’s not to ask permission. It’s so that I can make sure I’m not going to be spending his gas money or something to that effect.

I’m sorry you dealt with this, but it sounds like it was just something he slipped up with. It’s not okay that he did it and I’m not condoning it, but we all get caught up in the moment sometimes and say things without thinking them through. Men, as we all know, ESPECIALLY.

((hugs)) 

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