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Well it makes sense. I see his oint of view. If the wedding is important, then financially you will need the money to get married. However, being engaged for a couple years isn't bad either. You could always tell him you don't mind a longer engagement.
Sounds like your guy is a ducks in a row kinda guy. Hopefully you win the lotto soon!!
Well I guess I mean kind of like, he likes to have everything in order, step by step kind of goals. Instead of, " Go with the flow". I may have used the term incorrectly though!!
@Cash000: Yeah, that he is. But the point is that an engagement gives you time to save up! I have said all of this, of course. It's just frustrating. If money is the only thing stopping him (which it must be if he said yes to the lotto thing, even though he has previously said he doesn't feel emotionally ready either), then I am just going out of my mind trying to think up magical ways to get rich quick!
If my FI said he'd only marry me if I got rich, I'd tell him I'd only marry him if he sprouted a 9" penis.
Seriously. I just dont understand why people let money come in the way of getting married. It costs $50 at the court house to get married. If you're only getting married to have a wedding, well then, that's a different story altogether.
let's remember what the real meaning of marriage is here people... love, not a $30,000 circus.
Did he give you an ammount you had to win, cause it's relatively easy to win like 5 bucks, so keep trying!
Your bf is a very smart man. Do you want to be 5000, 10000, 30000 or more in debt? Probably not.... so do yourself a favor and open a savings account on the side and just throw money in there that way you know you're getting yourself closer just be doing so.
Some men feel like they can't get married unless they can financially support their wife and future family. Maybe he doesn't care about paying for the wedding. Maybe it's the mortgage and the babies that he's thinking about.
I don't think it's right or wrong of him to feel that way. He wants to be able to support you and your dreams. There's probably also financial pressure related to the ring. I'm guessing you'll have to wait until he's ready. I've read about very few bees whose BFs changed their minds about being "financially secure" before getting engaged, let alone married.
@Cash000: You used the term "ducks in a row" correctly. I just don't think it's a term that's used in the UK.
@VickyAurea: Stop buying lottery tickets!!! LOL!
If I were you I would totally buy a fake "winning" ticket and scratch it in front of him and then watch his reaction when you "win"!!!!
Also.....even if you win $2.00 on a lottery ticket you still are techinically winning the lottery....
Is it about marrying him or having a wedding? He has a point if it's a wedding you want, but if it's just about tying the knot, well, that really doesn't cost very much.
Mt fi felt the same way... he said he would only propose when we were financially stable with solid jobs. I was frustrated at the time, but he was right. I would not have taken kindly to a three or four year engagement, waiting around to have the money for a wedding. Instead, he proposed as soon as we were settled, and a year later, we're getting married. It's worth the wait.
Just tell him you dont mind a long engagement!! It does make sense to wait til your in a good financial situation. oh and stop buying loto tickets lol
I think you should calm down a tad. I dont get how getting engaged can be fun when you are constantly pressuring the guy to ask.
My (now) FI told me the same thing a couple of years back. I wasnt prodding him about marriage at all, but on a trip he did give me a special family ring (i dont think he was technically supposed to give it to me until we were married, but talked to his parents about it), and told me that he wanted to marry me, but wanted to be in a different 'spot' in life than we were at that time. I am so glad that he waited until he felt it was the right time.
I think you should focus on your time together right now, as BF and GF. Enjoy life and try to stop thinking that something else needs to happen for you to be happy.
@Atalanta: Hey that is so true!
@VickyAurea: Go to the liquor stores where they have had lotto winners your chances are greater of winning $1-$300, but take someone with you.
@MightySapphire: Nope, he has a ring, he could give it to me any time. But he doesn't want to.
@Miss Smurf: Hahahah I love the fake winning ticket idea! I'll see if I can find one somewhere :) And no, winning £2 doesn't count, it has to be enough to pay for the wedding.
i'm seriously considering basing accepting a proposal on if he's willing to compromise and be more smart with his money by openng a savings account instead of just having it all sit in his checking account. it worries me (for our future since we disagree so highly on this topic) that he would rather it sit in his checking account vice a savings account just on the sole fact that measly interest rates really aren't "worth it". *FACE PALM* seriously? why do you need $20K sitting in your checking account at ALL TIMES?!
side note - he's told me that he will marry me if i figure out how to make bourbon chicken like they do at the mall food court. LOL
@VickyAurea: Your SO sounds like mine and typical of some men. It's normal for them to be concerned about the financial end of marriage and a life together. I know my SO wants to feel financially secure, stable and able to provide. He is still building his career and is not quite where he wants to be finance wise. Neither am I, although I am fast approaching a "comfortable" state. I totally get his point. However, I just tell him there is no perfect time for anything in life and we will ALWAYS have some sort of debt. There is no reason we have to break the bank on a ring/wedding etc. There really isn't a way to make someone feel comfortable or ready. I just encourage SO and assure him that we are doing great and we will be fine!
By the way, my SO has also jokingly made similar comments about the $ issue.
I really hate to put this out there, but I'm guessing it's why you asked the question. Is it really the cost of a wedding that's delaying a proposal? If it is, that's totally fine. Someone with a good financial head on their shoulders isn't too easy too find. You might be "winning the lottery" right there.
Patience is a virtue. And you can tell him the longer you wait, the more cool things you're thinking of adding to the reception. Like you're going to need him to create a very cool wedding website and help you make 100 tissue pom poms. All in pink.
If it's not, you might need to reevaluate your relationship. Some people just don't want to get married. If he's not the marrying type, you need to decide if it's a deal breaker to you.
I've personally always seen the money thing as an excuse - it's a way to postpone the nuptials. Now, this is different if you aren't living together - but for a couple who is already living together and who can manage those finances, they either need to a.) plan for a less expensive wedding (a very small ceremony and dinner at a restaurant - although not ideal and 'big' - really is not that expensive) or b.) continue to wait indefinitely for this big windfall that's going to pay for a wedding.
Weddings are expensive. For the whole church-and-a-reception type of wedding, plus photographers and decorations, most people wind up paying at least $5,000. And if other relatives aren't pitching in, that can be very tough for people who don't make much money. So they've either got to plan for a smaller affair, or continue to wait and wait.
I get that men have this idea that it has to be 'big and amazing,' but countless times I've seen men stick to this ideal of the very, very best even if a bride-to-be insists she doesn't mind, or even wants, something small. I do see it as a stalling mechanism for him to make sure he's certain.
But like I said, if you aren't living together and he wants to make more money first, that could take ages. But I wouldn't call it unreasonable.
@RiverRunning: Nope, it's much more me who thinks it has to be a big affair. He doesn't at all. But I do, I have a big family and I have big expectations about how lovely I'd like our special day to be, including a unique venue which unfortunately adds to the price as cheap hotel deals are easy to come by but all very samey on the day.
@Sarah MD: He definitely wants to get married, just not yet, so there's no need for any deals to break there.
@sleepingbeauty88: That does sound crazy. See, I have minus numbers in my account and he has near enough zero in his, just enough to pay his rent. So I can see his point. Anyway, we just opened a joint savings account (totally my idea and my nagging) and so hopefully that will set us on the right track and, if it goes well, maybe he will relax and see that it is okay for us to get engaged and to start planning our future out in the open and not just hypothetically.
I think the answer is simple. Have a simple wedding. Only family and a few close friends. Don't do anything elaborate. You can get buy real real cheap. I speak from experience becuase I've been married before. It was 16 years ago but we spent $500. No flowers. I borrowed a wedding dress from a good friend who happened to be the exact size, we had a relationship with a local church (business relationship) so they let us use a lovely hall for free. We had friends who are musicians, so they played...for free. No reception. Just went out to dinner with close friends and the next morning left for our honeymoon where we did spent $1,500.
So I guess that means total cost to be married $2,000. That includes wedding bands, wedding, and honeymoon. Simple. You're just as married with a simple wedding.
And, if you offer this up and he doesn't bite, that means it could be an excuse. could be.....only he knows.
@prshadow: My immediate family is 24. But if I invited my whole family, which the whole family would expect, I could have at least 80-100 people easily. Plus then SO's family and plus both of our closest friends. Yep. I am dreaming the smallest possible wedding for us. Which is quite big because my family is huge.
I'd rather walk into a registery office on my own with him than have the type of wedding you talk about. Nothing wrong with it but it just isn't for me - there would be far too many offended people and, besides, I want a wedding! I get that we can't afford to pay it all in cash right now but I'd like to lay it on the cards and start making plans. As I see it, we can't really know our budget until we plan and work out how much stuff that we want costs. I have done this but he refuses to talk about it - it is boring to him and I am a crazy lady for talking about it.
HAHA try to have a sense of humor I suppose. That's kind of cute, really. You may have to wait until you're both in a good place financially to afford a wedding, but the wait will be worth it, I'm sure!
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So I talk about getting married a fair bit these days and he has obviously realised that I am waiting and have been more actively waiting recently. I'm keen, let's put it that way. But he's just not ready. He thinks we need a few years to be in a financial situation where we can afford a wedding and so he can't imagine himself proposing now, at a time when he doesn't think a wedding is something we can afford.
The really silly thing?
The other weekend at the beach, we made a deal that IF I win the lotto, he will marry me right away.
The really, really silly thing?
Since then, I have found myself buying lotto tickets even though I know my chances of winning are so tiny that I'm just wasting money I could be saving for an eventual wedding. Aaaaargh!
Any other bees had their SO made an impossible deal with them like this?