- 5 years ago
I have been with my bf for 4 years. I’m 24, he’s 25. We have been living together for almost 2 years. I love him very much and I am actually happy just being with him like this, without being married. However I’ve made it clear that marriage is something I want in the next few years. He has said the same.
He has all the signs of wanting to propose- he does everything with me, is very mature and loving, almost never has “guys nights” (takes me everywhere), has even looked at rings with me, asked me my ring size, and talked specifics of wedding planning and guests! He always says “we” and is very invested in our apartment and doing homemaker-y things together. He is very close with my family and even texts my relatives regularly.
The only issue is that he’s been extremely vague about when he plans on proposing. He has said he will “definitely do it” (he first started saying this about 6 months ago, although he’s always been open about wanting to marry me). However he has not given me a timeline. Since we’re young, it feels silly to ask, esp since my mother and friends are all telling me I should wait until I’m in my late twenties. We live in NYC, where nobody gets married till 35. lol.
He has a very unpredictable job so perhaps this is financial, but I’ve told him many times that I don’t need an expensive ring. Plus my parents will pay for the wedding. He has jokingly said, “Let’s just get married now!” and has made a comment about my cousin being unable to “get drunk” at the wedding because she “won’t be legal”. She’s 18 now, so presumably he means to get married in 3 years, or earlier.
I have asked him jokingly about the timeline and he said he will “definitely propose” but he’s being vague on purpose because he wants me to be shocked when it happens (he said that). When he said that, I thought it would happen within a month, but it’s been about 3 months and still hasn’t happened. I’m really happy with him just being my boyfriend, so if I found out he didn’t plan on proposing for another 2 years I’d be fine with that. I just want to know BASICALLY when so that I know we’re on the same page. I don’t want him to drag me along and then marry someone else but I’m not getting that vibe from him.
However he jokingly said I was “marriage obsessed” one night, the last time we talked about this (yet he has made marriage comments since then, many times!) He always jokes around so I didn’t take it personally, but I also took it to mean that I should stop bringing it up. I haven’t had a ‘serious’ talk with him about this, only little comments. Should I just let it go? Any ways to make him want to propose quicker? I guess I’m just in suspense and kind of confused, plus the constant proposals of people who have only been dating for 1 year on Facebook are irritating me. Also, I will not do an ultimatum unless I’m worried about my age.
will it help to be more domestic and “wifey” around him? I know my messiness is his biggest issue with me…is that the reason? LOL