Post # 1
I have been married for a very short period of time but I think we are headed to divorce. I don’t feel loved and my husband does not make any effort to show any appreciation to me. When I suggest we do anything together I always get a grunt! We don’t go out to eat because he doesn’t want to pay tip. We don’t go to the movies because it is too expensive.
We don’t go for walks because he is too tired. However, right now as I write he is at the bar with his friends! For that he is never tired! When I confronted him he said I am a vampire and I am suffocating him!
Truth is he doesn’t want to do anything with me!
I don’t want to be a convenient mais (as I do everything around the house: cook, clean) and sexual object to please him.
I try talking but he shuts off and leaves. What should I do?
Post # 3
Wanted to say that i’m sorry that you have to go through this…Your husband is being very inconsiderate to you by giving you the cold shoulder while still going out with his friends…Divorce is hard but so is what you are going through currently…Would you consider being separated and seeing how that goes, maybe by not having you by his side at all times it will make him realize how bad he was being with you? Was he always like this before you got married?
Well i hope everything turns out for the best for both of you!
Post # 4
@Newbeg: I would make him listen to you. Tell him this is serious and your relationship depends on it! Maybe he leaves when you bring it up because he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Make him know you’re wondering if your relationship is going down hill. Hopefully, it’ll get his attention.
When you talk to him, just express your concern in a non-attacking type of way. More in a concerned way
Post # 5
Sorry you are going through that. Maybe you two need to compromise. Sounds like he can afford to go out with his friends to the bar, but can’t afford a lousy tip for a waiter/waitress? You two can’t go to a matinee movie when it’s cheaper during the day? Aren’t you two sharing the bank account 50/50?
Hope you can work things out.
Post # 6
Would he consider couples’ counseling? You might need a third party to help with your communication.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re going through this…it seems like he has some things to work out. Would you be willing to consider marriage counseling? It can be very helpful to open the lines of communication and get to the root of whatever it going on. I hope things work out for you and your husband!
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
Was your relationship like this prior to marriage?
Unfortuneatly, some men have a really hard time adjusting to “being married,” even when almost nothing changed. In situations where a lot of change happened, men feel overwhelmed and can puch back. I know it’s hard, but he may just need space and time to adjust. It’s not entirely fair to you (at all), but it’s part of the give and take in a marriage, I think.
Be patient because he’ll likely come around. You got married for a reason, and I bet they’re all still valid.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry that you guys are going through a rough patch right now, huge hugs coming your way.
Have you considered counselling? It sounds like he just needs to listen to you, and maybe that takes someone else in the room with you both to make him do so. He married you because he loves you, I’m sure that hasn’t changed and you guys are just having difficulty communicating.
I would also recommend reading “The Five Love Languages”, it has done wonders for myself and Darling Husband throughout the course of our relationship. Good luck hon!
Post # 10
That’s odd behavior, for sure. Was he like this before you were married? I assume not, or you likely wouldn’t have married him. Were you already living together or did you move in after marriage? Sometimes change can really throw people who don’t adapt well to it.
Sit down with him and ask what’s going on. Try to do this in a non-confrontational way, and use “I” and a feeling instead of “you” and an action. For example, “I feel sad that we don’t have quality time together. I know we see each other a lot, but I’d like to actually go out and do things with you, so it’s more quality time instead of just large amounts of time”. As opposed to “You’re always spending time with the guys, and I want to actually spend quality time with you”. That way it feels less like an attack and more of an expression of your feelings about the situation.
Post # 11
@Newbeg My main question is was he like this before you were married?
Seems like you two are having trouble connecting for some reason.
Have a talk with him, deep, honest, but non-confrontational and if that doesn’t help things definitely try couples counselling that also helps to get to the bottom of things and implement actions for change.
Post # 12
This situation is not good and I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through it.
Do you have any hobbies of your own? Are you relying only on your husband to be your entertainment? He might be feeling suffocated if you have nothing else going on but him. I’m not defending him, I just see that your post is a small snippet of what could be a larger and more complex situation.