Post # 1
Since the beginning of the month Darling Husband & I have been talking about moving out of our crappy apartment (a relic from my undergrad) & into something more suitable for you know… a married couple. At the same time, we’ve thrown around the idea of TTC sometime next april (2013)
The trouble is, my dear Mr Rugbee & I have completely opposite ideas of what kind of home we want. I don’t need a lot of space & like being centrally located: I’d be happy in a condo near the subway. Mr Rugbee on the other hand is a suburbian born & raised. He wants a yard “to play with his kids in”. Furthermore it is essencial we have that yard prior to conception… I’ve tried to explain to him that infants live in baskets but I think it’s more a matter of principle. All the homes that fulfill my DH’s wants & that we can afford are just soooo far away. 🙁
Any bees out there feel like they want something that’s inherantly opposite to their DH’s/FI’s/SO/partners?
Post # 3
Aww I’m really really sorry you’re going through this… it’s really hard when two people want different things. SO and I are kind of similar… he grew up in the country side on a big property with horses and all, and I grew up in the city but going to the country side/mountains during summers and weekends. I’m comfortable anywhere, because I’ve lived in every situation, but he HATES the city. So, while I prefer the convenience of the city, he wants to be as far into the country side as possible. We live in the suburbs right now, and I’ve managed to make the best out of my commute and my surroundings. I do have to say that it’s growing on me, and we have decided to eventually move into the country side at some point and have a big yard and be close to mountains, if possible.
Since I grew up experiencing both the country side and the city, I can definitely tell you that, as a child, I LOVED the country side so so so much more than the city, and would have probably loved suburbs more than the city as well. So, if you’re thinking about your children, they will probably enjoy the yard more than you think they will (especially if you add a big dog to run alongside them!). So, I’d say maybe you guys can give it a trial run and first rent an apartment in the suburbs, and then move after the baby is born to a yard? Baby won’t need the yard for a couple years anyway, but I understand his principle… Maybe you can both go look for open houses in all areas that you like and that he likes, and see how it goes? You never know what you might fall in love with!
Post # 4
@MrsRugbee: Hi there! First of all, let me say congratulations on your recent marriage!!!
Imho, I think that you both raise great points. You’re more of a city girl, and he’s more suburban? Same with myself and my Fiance. I love being right close to work, and the college I attend. However, my Fiance has always been raised on big sprawling farms.
The only difference between our couples is that we have a baby already. He is now three, and when we first had him we rented out a large rancher that a family friend was giving us for a good deal. It was on a huge acreage and had horses, ducks, etc. Now we rent a tiny little apartment style house in order to be closer to my work and our son’s playschool.
I must say though, and I mean this only in my opinion… I really wish we’d stayed in the rancher. The twentyfive minute commute was nothing compared to playing with our lab and our baby, letting him crawl all over the huge yard. The extra space and privacy of the suburb area we were in also made me feel much safer, and I found that Fiance and I got along much better (we still do fine, but there was no “please get out of my way….move your stuff…etc). This place just simply doesn’t work for our baby.
However, sorry for the long post!!! Hope it helped :)))
Post # 5
Same here. I wanted to be closer to the city and where my family is, but he wanted more land and space. Given the budget constraints the only way to do that was to move far from the city into the burbs. I’m still struggling a little with being so far from my regular supermarket and mall conviences, but we did end up with a house we both love and I do like having the space and yard.
Post # 6
@squeak: I have such an adorable mental image of the yard + kids + dog(s?). 🙂 You’re right about going to check some places out: We’ve only looked at a couple & neither were really what we were looking for.
My bigger problem is that I specialized in Urban Planning in university. My academic background tells me I should hate every little bit of the suburbs with a burning passion: they cause car dependance which leads to obesity, traffic & greenhouse gasses which combined are 98% of the world’s evils.
Post # 7
I have to agree with the PP and your Darling Husband, your future children are probably better off in more of a suburban area, where they can run and play a lot easier than condo near a subway.
I personally grew up in the country and now love in the metro area, but in a suburban area. Growing up we had a lot of space to run and play…
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Yes, a baby does live in a carrier. But they are only in that stage for a very short period of time. By 18 months, your LO will want to head outside, and by 4 years old the big wheel bike will become his/her bff. Unfortunately, there’s simply not a lot of room to safely roam in the city when you are small (heck, even when you are big!). You may dislike what the ‘burbs represent, but there is a legitimate reason why they are so popular for people with kids. It’s a nice way to raise a child. And the countryside is even better!
Maybe you could rent a place in the ‘burbs to try it out first? I wasn’t sure how I would adjust when transitioning from a home that was less than 2 miles from the city line to one that was more traditionally suburban, so we decided to rent for a year or two to test out the waters. It was a great way for us to make the transition, and now I am eager to move farther out and get some real breathing room. It was Mr. LK’s goal all along to move out into west county, and I am finally onboard with it, too.
Post # 9
I’m going to disagree with those that think that kids do better in homes with yards. I didn’t have a yard growing up and I still had lots of space to run and play! Montreal still has lots of parks and green spaces where kids can roam and play. My favourite thing growing up was my grandpa walking me to the park every day.
I think you’ll just need to think ahead and make sure that whatever you buy will be good for several years.
By The Way, there was an episode of urban/suburban on HGTV in Montreal, you should watch it!
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
My Fiance wants a yard and a driveway too, before we try to get pregnant. I’d be more than happy in a downtown condo… I don’t see an issue with raising a child in the city. I think our happy medium could be a condo townhouse with a small lawn downtown, Lol.
Post # 11
We lived in an one bedroom apartment when I was born, i’m the fourth, it was crowded. My parents had to convert the dining room into another bedroom for us. We lived like that for 3 years, and I still remember some of it. We moved into a house just after the fifth kid came along. I DO remember just opening the door and going outside to play.
I think the apartment thing works for a little while, but it takes so much planning to go to the park, gathering up toys, blankets &etc when you could just open your door and be out there.
Post # 12
I think my husband and I both thought we would do the whole house/yard thing when we had a kid, but honestly we LOVE living in the city. We have so many parks and playgrounds nearby that instead of a yard, my son gets to enjoy numerous different areas that are within a 5 minute walk from our home. We can walk to a lot of musuems, there are free music shows everywhere when the weather is nice etc. I do feel badly that he doesn’t have a ton of space, but for now at least, I think our son gets plenty of benefits also from the city life. (including seeing more of mom and dad given our short commutes)
For me, I love being able to run errands without getting in and out of a car, something I did when I was in suburbia with my parents that drove me crazy. I love being in a place where I can meet tons of other moms so easily and where work is a short commute away. A cup of coffee, the grocery store, restuarants, the gym – all within a few minutes walk. YEs, more space would be nice, but for US (not everyone!) we have come to accept that we love the urban life, at least for now, and will reevaluate as the years go by.
oh and for maternity leave – nothing beats urban living – baby is in the stroller and you can go without hauling the baby seat in and out of a car. ultimate freedom for mom 🙂
Maybe you can play it by ear? I have friends whose husbands pressured them to move to the burbs, and they are generally pretty unhappy now (because they weren’t ready to move, not because the burbs generally are bad).
Post # 13
The current apartment complex that we live in has a swimming pool, and lots of space for kids to ride their bikes and play. So a house in Suburbia is not automatically better than living in an apartment. Babies do great regardless of space etc. People make it work either way. My parents lived in an apartment til I was 6 and then we moved into a house in the suburbs that had the whole nine yards, my siblings and I did great living in both places and never preferred one over the other. Our parents made it work for us.
Post # 14
When we first started house hunting (or apartment hunting since we live in NYC) our wants and needs did not match. Darling Husband wanted new construction in a high rise with great views on the UES and I wanted a quiet tucked away prewar brownstone on the UWS. Slowly, Darling Husband realized one feature at a time why what I wanted not only was the nicest option for us, it was the smartest option.
I made him do research on the UES and he found out for himself that apartments in our price range with the features he wanted were all in terrible locations – either a 20-30 min walk from the subway or in a dangerous spot. So he agreed to focus on the UWS, but was hanging on to his new construction mentality until we moved to a rental with new construction and he missed our prewar brownstone apartment. New construction means no charm and usually cheaply built so you can hear your neighbors much better.
So the moral of my story is that I could have tried to explain to Darling Husband until I was blue in the face why what he wanted was not going to work for us, but I let him experience/discover it for himself. Maybe you can try that with your Darling Husband – have him do a commute to work from his desired neighborhood or something.
Post # 15
@moderndaisy: we were similar! My husband wanted the suburbs, said he didn’t mind the commute. then after we had our baby he realized that that extra bit of commuting would essentially mean he never saw our son during the week. And he had to admit he liked all the fun stuff we could do in the city 🙂
oh and yay brownstones for renting but I have heard they are a huge headache for owning 🙂