He says were fine how we are….

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: did your SO have the same outlook?
    yes, but it ended between us. : (13 votes)
    20 %
    yes, but he changed his mind. : (11 votes)
    17 %
    no. : (40 votes)
    63 %
  • Post # 2
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    but i mean, this is how your feeling! 

    Feelings are something not to be ignored, if you werent keen on marriage, then ho hum, you guys are great! 

    If you are keen, he needs to know, tell him that is something that is VERY VERY important to you, and you would like to spend the rest of your life with him, and maybe itts not that important to him, but clearly it is to you, everyone makes compromises in a relationship.

    So its up to you if u can get over the fact of never getting married, or sit him down and tell him that marriage is exactly what you want, since its just a ‘piece of paper’ it shouldnt be that big of a deal to him anyway right??


    Post # 4
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    jamieanne3610:  i haven’t been in this situation, but here’s my take on it. he’s telling you exactly who he is and what he wants/doesn’t want out of life. he has told you before that he doesn’t want to marry. you have told him before that you do. so now that both of you know where the other stands, it’s up to y’all to figure out a compromise (courthouse wedding, but not a huge princess day? no legal marriage, but a commitment ceremony?), or end things. whoa harsh, i know. but seriously; if you want a husband (and kids, with that husband) then this is obviously not the relationship for you. but, if you want THIS GUY, then you’ll have to decide if you’d rather be with HIM without a ring, or be without him but with someone who will marry you.

    it’s got nothing to do with you personally i don’t think, and i don’t think it’s wrong of him to not want to wed. he’s just told you that it’s not something that’s on his to do list. he has as much right to that feeling as you do to wanting to get married. 

    Post # 5
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    If you are 100% sure you want children and he is 100% sure he doesn’t, I would end the relationship. That’s such an insurmountable issue.

    Post # 6
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    well like i said beautiful, either you decide that hes the man for you, you dont need a ring nor a ‘piece of paper’ as he calls it and stay happy being commonlaw.

    or tell him its something you have always wanted and you’re feeling this way because you want it to happen.

    if he says no, its never going to, then even more thinking needs to come up in the process of what you’re going to do, stay or go.


    hugs n love

    Post # 7
    2016 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016


    “I feel like he wants me to give up all my dreams of a husband and family for him” This- have you told him this SPECIFICALLY? I think if he heard this he would hear you, he’s hurting you. My SO and I also got together in 2010 and have been living together since 2012. He still doesn’t think we NEED to get married but he wants to marry me because I want to be married and he wants to keep me.

    Put your foot down, he has time between now and your 5 year anniversary to get it together or set you free. It’s BS for you to wait around and make huge financial decisions while still only being his “girlfriend”. Let him know this is absolutely a deal breaker, if he wants you in his future then he needs to put a ring on it.

    Post # 8
    7915 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If it means a lot to you to get married in this lifetime definitely end it.

    Post # 9
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2016 - Rosewater Room

    It seems pretty clear that your dream is to be married with a family. Sit down with him and tell him, this is what I want from my life; I care about you and I want this husband/father/partner to be you, but if you’re not willing to compromise or provide me with the things I need out of this relationship, and want them as much as I do, maybe its not the best fit. 

    I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this and I wouldn’t blame you if you skipped Christmas and all those annoying prying questions from extended family. 

    Post # 11
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Look at it from his perspective- he has everything he wants right now. Why should he change anything when he is happy?

    A man who is mature enough to be husband material would answer that question by saying, “My partner’s happiness is even more important than my own. If getting married will help her feel happier, let’s go to the courthouse tomorrow!” A man who is not mature enough to be husband material will answer, “I see no reason to change a thing. I am happy and all is well. She’ll just have to get over it.” Which one sounds like your partner?

    Post # 12
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

    Have you made marrying you a requirement? Becuase if you have, and he still acting this way you may need to cut your loses and walk away. I was with my DH for 6 years before he proposed. When year 5 came around I knew i had to make my stand and really be prepared to stand by my word. I was clear, “I want to be married, and I would like to be married to you. I will not be here another year without a ring.”

    I am not telling you to give that type of ultimatum but be very clear on what you need. If he values you, he’ll get with the program. If not walk away.

    Post # 15
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    If it’s just a paper thing I don’t see why it wouldn’t be a problem to just run down to the court house and get married?

    Also if u want kids and he doesn’t that would be a deal breaker for me.

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