Post # 1
My (soon to be) fiance and I were hanging out tonight and I found a receipt for $80 worth of flowers on his computer desk. I asked him about it and he said he sent flowers to a female friend because it was part of her birthday present.
Okay, but $80 worth? And why flowers?
Don’t get me wrong, that was very sweet of him to do but I think that’s a really excessive amount of money to spend on a girl he only hangs out with every once in awhile.
I don’t want to tell him how to spend his money because he’s a big boy and can make his own decisions. But I am a little hurt that he would send another girl flowers. I can’t even remember the last time he sent me flowers.
At what point in a relationship did you merge finances and/or discuss financial stuff such as this?
Am I being a baby about this? I’ve never had any jealousy issues until… now.
Post # 3
@VCWedding: ‘Part’ of her birthday present? What else did he get her? Do you guys spend a lot of money on each other for birthdays? Does he spend this amount of money on any other friends? What’s their relationship like? Are you friends with her?
These are the questions I would ask. There is so much extra info that needs to be given before I could assess the situation.
If he NEVER does anything like this, it would be weird. If he has a history of buying people expensive things, I wouldn’t really see it as that much of an issue.
Although maybe you could say “babe – I know you probably meant well, but you DO realise sending a girl flowers is a romantic gesture? I don’t want you to confuse the poor girl…”
My FI has no idea that his actions can have implications. If he doesn’t find a girl attractive, he wouldn’t even think that something like that could be interpreted differently, because he wouldn’t have intended it to look that way. Sometimes boys are silly.
Post # 4
Honestly, I would be pissed too in that situation. 80 is pretty expensive for just a friend AND 80 worth of flowers would send a message of some sort and it’s for her birthday? If it was for recovery or congrats then it’s totally cool. hmmm
Post # 5
@Miss Jackrabbit: She’s a health nut and works out a lot, so the other part of her birthday present was this Nike workout bracelet/band that measures your activity, which she really wanted.
The amount of money he spent on her is about the same he would spend on me and I don’t think he spends this much on his buddies. Her and him became friends about the same time we started dating. I don’t have much of a relationship with her because she tags along with his guy frends a lot. To be honest, I don’t think she gets along very well with other girls.
Post # 6
@VCWedding: Wow, $80 is a lot to spend on flowers. Unless if she was like one of his bestest best friends I would be a bit upset. If it were a $15 bunch of flowers and a card, I’d think that was thoughtful and polite.. but $80 is a lot of money!
Post # 7
@VCWedding: man Im more annoyed after you said he spends about the same for you?! the money is not the point but it’s kinda disrespectful that you are the same with some random girl IMO AND it’s not like he always spends like that for other friends.
whats up with that. Have you asked him?
Post # 8
@gramgeek: I know, right? I told him sending flowers is usually considered a romantic thing and he just said, “Whatever, she likes flowers.”
I wanted to be like, “Well I do too, ya big dummy, so where are my flowers?” I can’t even remember the last time he sent me any.
Post # 9
@gramgeek: He told me he was just being nice. But still. You don’t have to spend that much money to be “nice.”
Post # 10
Oh hell no. I’d be pissed.
Post # 11
@VCWedding: hmmm Im so with you!. Sorry I don’t have any advice though…maybe tell him exactly how that makes you feel and maybe he will get it. I hope there’s nothing further than just being nice like he says
Post # 12
I think it’s weird. $80 is quite a bit to spend on flowers, and as PPs said sending someone flowers on their birthday sounds more like something you’d do for a loved one not a casual friend. I’d question him a bit more about it, but take comfort in the fact that he’s not attempting to hide it from you. He left the receipt out in the open where you could see it and answered you truthfully when you asked what it was for. Now, if he’d hidden or trashed the receipt then acted embarrassed or made up a lame excuse when you asked who they were for, that would be a red flag. So I say it’s weird, but don’t jump to any conclusions just yet.
Post # 13
I think finances are the least if your worries in this situation… I would do some serious investigation about why he’s sending such a romantic, sweet gesture to another girl.
Post # 14
I don’t think you’re overreacting – I’d be pretty upset if I was in the situation.
But like RipleyC said, at least he’s not trying to hide it, and he has been honest. I probably just doesn’t realise that others would see it as romantic.
How open are you with your SO? I know if something like this happened in my relationship, I’d openly say to him that I feel quite upset and jealous that he would send flowers to a friend but not to me. But in our relationship, that’s just the kind of openess we have. So if you have that kind of openess, you can always let him know how it made you feel.
Post # 15
So a workout bracelet she really wanted and expensive ass flowers, sent to a female friend? To me this has red flags all over the place. It would be different if shes been around from childhood or something, but she’s been in his life just as long as you.