- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
It's too bad that those comments were so negative! I wish it were more accepted that eithe rparty changed. I think both should feel free to take whichever name they want, but I am NOT someone who really cares at all about tradition.
That said, I'm taking my FI's last name but we're BOTH taking my maiden name as a middle. So both of us will have all four names. I was so happy with this compromise and with him wanting to take on part of my family history in addition to his.
But we were talking about it once and he thinks that a few of his friends will absolutely tease him for doing it. I felt so bad for him that even though it's something he really wanted to do, and offered to do on his own, he has a couple good friends that he absolutely knows will give him crap for it. It's a shame that it can't just be equal.
When we filled out our application for a marriage license the woman at the service desk in the county office even commented. "Oh you're taking HER name? Interesting. Hm." It was totally weird and in a really rude tone.
And that's just for him adding a middle name! Haha.
I think it's the coolest thing ever, expecially the deep thought he put into why he wanted to change his name, but I think it's something that is going to be different for every person.
As for the comments, well, they're the product of our highly gender stereotyped society, and the people making them look extremely foolish in the face of the moving article. It is sad though.
so, are woman not entitled to lineage and family pride???? ughhh! that's so annoying.
people need to get off their high horse and realize that just because something is "traditional" does not make it right. i am not saying that it is wrong either. i'm just saying that's all it is-----------a tradition.
the mr. and i are keeping our own names because we just like our own names. i don't care if the woman takes a man's name, vice versa or if neither takes each other's names or if they decided to swap names, etc. and, let's not forget when both genders are the same (although that's a whole other issue).
my point is, do what you want. do what you feel is right for you. traditions have been created and broken and re-created into something new. traditions do not make you more or less of a person. traditions do not make you more or less committed to your spouse/partner. having the same name does not ensure longevity in a marriage. i hope when i have children, they are living in a more progressive world.
i just wish people would concentrate on more important things, like "do you love and care for each other?" "do you have the same values and if not, are you willing to work towards your differences?" what's in a name anyway? a rose is but a rose.....no?
My friends actually did this. The husband had absolutely no relationship with any of his family and had an abusive and unhappy upbringing. The bride's family welcomed him with open arms and he was happy to take her last name.
My FI and I are wanting very badly to hyphenate, each taking the others last names...so we will be the Smith-Joneses. But the amount of crud I have run into trying to do this has been the most surprising and discouraging thing ever! In the province I live in, you are not legally allowed to hyphenate by marriage, if you want to do that, you both legally have to change your names, which means literally changing everything from your birth record on...NOT what we want. I don't want to eliminate my maiden name, I want to incorporate it. The reason I was given at vital stats here against hyphenation was that it made thing "too complicated"..um, why should I care if it's complicated for YOU?!!! If I'm willing to spell it out, why not?!!! So now I'm trying to find a good solution to this, which may be that we each take my maiden name as my middle name and then I assume his last name as my married name. OR I just assume his name, and we are known socially as the "smith-joneses"...but I was so excited about doing the hypen thing OFFICIALLY, with all the paperwork and everything. And the worst part is, HE was really excited about...now he's kinda sad...but in regards to the original flavor of this post, I've actually had nothing but positive responses when we have told people...guess it depends!
I hate when people feel like they have to put down other people's personal choices. Who cares? It doesn't affect you...so go along on your merry way...haha! I don't care if someone else does it...its different for sure, but if that is what the couple wants, that is what they want!
People are so retarded! If he wants to take her last name, how does that mean he's a pansy or anything? And if the woman doesn't take her husband's last name, is she a feminist bia? I mean, really. Gah, so dumb.
I have a cousin who took his wife's last name, in part so he could have the same last name as their daughter (who his wife already had when they met). I think in the family there was some disappointment, especially since he was the only one of 11 grandchildren who would have carried on the family name (my current/maiden name). But I think it's cool that they did what works for them and applaud anyone who does!
FI and I have friends who are kinda going through this. She really wants her last name as there aren't any boys to carry it on and she has had it for over 30 years. He doesn't seem, and claims to not care. The problem arose when their baby was born (they haven't set a wedding date yet) and they were set up to name her. Suddenly he wanted the baby to have his last name. I think that has confused the issue since and now they aren't sure what to do. I have nothing against it either way. If my FI wanted to take mine that would be fine, as it is I'm perfectly happy taking his. The only thing I definitely want is ONE last name. It doesn't really matter where it comes from.
Here is an interesting one. My girlfriend's cousin got married and he felt it was wrong for her to change her name. So they decided to both change their names to a name they hand-picked. Both of the families were really upset with them because they not only dissed the last name but also didn't invite them to the wedding. But they did ask for gifts! Go figure!
btw. I plan to keep my last name when working. I co-own a business with my brother. Just would help in the business world for me. I plan to use his name in my personal life.
in pre-Christian times, lineage was traced through women and the mother's name was used. this was because one can always be certain of a child's mother, but you can never be 100% sure who the father is ;)
I'm trying to get my fiance to take my last name (I really, really want our family to have one last name). I actually like his last name, and don't mind it with my name - but my last name is my mom's maiden name, which means a lot to me, and his last name is his dad's, whom he has no relationship why. Why should we continue to pass down the name from the side of his family that he doesn't communicate with?
I did "I have another opinion" because I think to each his/her own and my FI is actually considering changing his to mine. I haven't decided if I want to take his last name. Part of it's because of the negativity towards me from FI's family. I'm not exactly welcomed.
I agree Miss Mary Jane, the comments about the article and the comments inside the article where he'd be less than a man, etc. is disgusting pure BS.
And the mom crying and saying "we need to have a family discussion"....puhleaze. Get over yourself, woman.
I've never thought twice about changing my name. Growing up I always assumed that's how it went. Now you hear more and more about people not changing either name, hyphenating etc. I wouldn't imagine it's that common for a guy to take the girl's last name but I could definitely see it happening if she was a doctor or someone well known in the community by her current name. I don't see a problem with it either way. It's a personal decision, and these days it doesn't really matter which way you do it.
That's great! I always joked that when I got married I wanted my husband to take my name :P OR that I was going to marry someone of the same last name so that I didn't have to change.
But I figured my chances of that were slim, and I really want my whole family to have the same name. So I think I'll keep using my maiden name in professional life and adpot my husband's name for 'us' related things. (Yes, use two different last names!)
I have friends who both changed to HerLast HisLast. That's the closest thing I've seen.
I see what you mean about all the negative comments posted below the story. I really wish that there could be more people who think along the lines of KatieBug, you know, just go about with your own life and don't berate another person's choice. However, when it comes to these kinds of issues, that's rarely the case. You're going to hear what people think about any choice you make -- whether it's to keep your own, change to his, take another, etc.
I think what it comes down to is that choosing a name really isn't a private, personal choice. Your name is how you present yourself and introduce yourself to the outside world. And it's a fact of life that you'll be judged for that kind of choice if it's too far from the mainstream. However, when people do have personal reasons for making this kind of public choice, it can become more accepted as something that is merely a choice, not a statement.
I personally don't agree with his reasonings and her resistance to take his name, but if she's not willing to lose her name and he's willing to take hers for reasons that they think is good enough for them, I am no one to say that it's wrong. I probably would have a major problems if one day my son (if I have one) decides to take his bride's name, though.
When I worked at a bank, I had a customer that took his wife's name. She had kids from a previous relationship and then they and 3 kids before they got married. So they wanted all the kids to have the same name, so he just took her name. I don't think it's a big deal.
While I said I wouldn't choose that option, but wouldn't have a problem with it...I think I would wonder about the couple that did that.
My personal opinion of marriage is that the man takes the role of the head of the household and his name becomes the family name.
that said, i think the article was really fascinating...especially the part about their wedding rings being two figurines carved from the same bon and worn around the neck! That's a neat symbolism.
We've talked about it. fizicsGuy really wants me to change my name...but I had a major freak out a week before the wedding so we're putting it on hold.
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/name-changing-anxietyyet-another-one-long
He says he'd change his name if it were more culturally acceptable...he also says he'd feel like I was more fully accepting his family and heritage if I changed mine, and somehow it feels like I'm rejecting it by not doing so. But he admits that's kind of unfair b/c I could say the same thing about how I'm rejecting my heritage by taking his name. It's hard. But I will say, part of me does want to have the same name as he does...it does feel like it would be more official is we did.
I personally know of only one couple that talked about this, but the engagement ended up breaking off (for medical reasons I won't go into). I also know of couples who've picked an entirely different last name, but we both like the history of our names so that's not really something we'd consider.
I clicked the "we considered it" ... though it was a short lived idea. My husband doesnt LOVE his last name, but he wasnt really willing to consider changing his to mine. (Not because hes a pig or has unreasonable expectations, more of a traditional thing and really not wanting to be mocked like non-other.)
It's a neat idea for some people to consider if it works for them. I'm always on board with people throwing out tradition in favor of a solution that suits them better, though I'm personally fairly traditional in this area and have always figured I would either take his name or keep my own. I love my family and I love my name, but frankly, I'm looking forward to going from a 10-letter last name to a 4-letter one.
It is culturally acceptable and, in fact, perfectly normal in some parts of the world!
I recently learned that my great grandfather took my great grandmother's name. Apparently in Japan, if a family has all girls, the eldest girl will keep her maiden name and her husband will change his name to hers! Thus, my grandmother's maiden name was also her mother's maiden name. I think this is SUCH an awesome comrpomise and a great norm...i wish it was like that in the US too!
For us, the only reason he didn't add my name as a second middle name is because in our state, he would have to do a full legal name change in order to add my last name. It kind of disgusted me that I can change my name but he can't change his.
I changed to his name. I actually suggested he take my last name as his middle. He wasn't having it. He isn't a really traditional guy in general, but something about the wedding made him feel strongly about "how things should be" (not seeing my dress, the name stuff, etc). He let me decide about taking his name, but I know he was very happy that I did.
It's sucky that men have to face such social pressure if they choose this path. Power to those who blaze the way for others!
Honestly, I wish we were just more like counties like Italy and Argentina where it's not the norm for anyone to change their name. So much simpler. My last name is awesome and I have zero desire to change it. I will likely end up taking his name as a middle name so that I can interchange as needed. But I think it sucks to add that level of complication to my life.
FI actually offered to change his last name to mine! My last name is unique and I've always loved it, but I'm pretty excited to be Mrs. FI after we're married.
I don't think that anyone should judge another couple's decision on the subject, though. It's a personal decision and it's terrible that so many people would leave negative comments on that story!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| AshleyR83 | 24 |
| rebwana | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| beargoose | 22 |
| his chippymunk | 21 |
| Jenlon | 20 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| Cady | 19 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| bestbuddies | 1 |
| Adalita | 1 |
| islandgirl82 | 1 |
Interesting read: a man who took his wife's last name.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/i-took-my-wifes-last-name/article1232071/
I see no problem with it. It so happens that I am taking Mr. MJ's name, but he would have taken mine if I had wanted.
After you read the article, look at the comments. I was disgusted by how many people told him he had no balls, he must be a pansy, she must be very controlling, he's a poor excuse for a man, etc. I was absolutely disgusted. One parent of teenage boys said they wouldn't be accepting of any girlfriend who wouldn't take their sons' last names at marriage. Many of them used lineage and family pride as an excuse. (But at the same time were 100% supportive of women checking their maiden names at the altar).
What do YOU think?