He thinks 10k for a wedding is "too much"…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Just know that this is an issue that will continue to follow you through marriage.  You’re going to need to iron this issue out because this is going to happen with every major expenditure the two of you will have.  Make a budget, agree on it, and stick to it.  Especially when it comes to buying a house or procuring anything big.

Post # 3
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I completely understand what you are dealing with! My FI told me to hold off on a wedding so that we can have a “nicer” wedding – the one that I really want etc. the one I was hoping for. So I did all the waiting and saving and now he constantly tells me he would be fine with just having a back yard wedding or BBQ (mind you our backyard is SUPER small)…maybe could fit 10 people! Because he thinks 10K is too much for a wedding. I sometimes think some of these guys don’t understand the costs of weddings and how expensive things really are. Especially the majority of the people coming are from his family and friends (we are having 90 guests). I did mostly a DIY wedding but the costs still rack up! It’s hard because they like to talk big early on and they seem to be on the same page…but when it actual comes to paying it, it seems to change their opinion. I myself am paying for our entire wedding. I’ve been paying down everything a good chunk from each paycheck for the past year and a half. My FI does pay most of the rent though to help me be able to pay for it though, so in a sense he is helping out. But i’m the one who see’s the money leaving my bank account (we have seperate accounts), and yet he still complains of how much weddings cost. We only have about 4 weeks left though…the costs will be over soon. But I know the day of the wedding both me and my FI will enjoy the day and appreciate everything about it…so it will be well worth it in my opinion! I just wanted to say I hear where you are coming from and understand your need to vent! Best of luck to you and your wedding! 🙂 

Post # 4
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that he’s dreaming if he thinks that you can pull all of that off for under 10k.  However, most guys have no idea how much wedding things cost.  You should both sit down and look at individual wedding items – photography, dress, travel, ceremony location, food, etc.  Then, decide what level of quality you would like to have for each and how much that would cost.  Perhaps if he sees all of yours/his must-haves added up, he’ll start to understand where $10k+ wedding budgets come from.  

I’m not saying that he needs to be convinced to spend more, and you definitely shouldn’t make financial decisions that you both aren’t comfortable with.  But, this will get you both on equal ground in terms of what you guys want and expect from the wedding.

Post # 5
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Personally. I’m in his boat on this one (minus the wanting to travel part..) 10,000 is a LOT of money for one day.

It sucks that he’s being frustrating and difficult though. Even though I am way to pragmatic to spend that much money, a lot of people wouldn’t even bat an eye. To want expensive things (like france) but not want to pay for them is a tough pickle to be in! 

Post # 6
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016


He probably has NO IDEA how much things cost. Tell him that if he thinks he can do it all for 10k, you’d like to see it. Once he sees a few quotes, he’ll come back to reality.

Post # 7
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i’d make him a spreadsheet with everything organized by your must haves/wants/bare minimum with pricing for it all. Or assign him a few major duties like getting quotes from venues or caterers- he will soon realize this stuff adds up crazy quick and anything with the word wedding instantly gets marked up to double… i’m sure France isn’t cheap- I wanted a wedding in wine country, but ya know what? Shit’s too expensive! He’s gotta compromise on something so put the reins in his hands and see what happens! =) It might actually be funny!

Post # 8
2072 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sfigu16:  First off, you need to understand does he not WANT to spend the money? Or can you guys genuinely not afford to spend 10k without putting yourselves in a bad situation? If it is the latter, then you need to come to an agreement on what you can actually afford to spend, and adjust your plans to fit the budget. If the actual budget is say 3-5k then his Europe ideas may be out. Depending upon where you live, airfare alone for the 2 of you to Europe could cost upwards of 2k. If money is tight, your best bet may be to just have a small wedding or elope locally, and save up for your dream trip to Europe down the road. Has he done much traveling before? It sounds like he may not fully grasp the cost of it? Another option, if your budget is a bit higher would be to move forward with the elopement in Europe, and nix the reception back home to save more.

Post # 9
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

10k IS a lot of money, and his concern about spending that much is legitimate. Sit down with him and sort out your “must have”, “like to have” and “don’t care” items. Once you’ve come up with those, start pricing them out. Go with a “good, better, best” type list and go though it together. If you find that your budget doesn’t match your want list, then it’s time to reassess the situation. You may find that you need to postpone the honeymoon, or scale back on your want lists.

Post # 10
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yikes, I’m sorry.

I don’t know where you live, but from where I am, it would cost a lot of money just to GET to France :/.

I think 10k is totally doable in general – we’re doing both our wedding and honeymoon for under 10k, but we’re getting married in a small town and doing backpacking/camping in that area as our honeymoon.  So, either the budget gets bigger or the wedding gets smaller and closer to home.

Good luck to you!

Post # 14
314 posts
Helper bee

He knows all those plans will cost more than $10k- I think he’s just making it an issue right now b/c he’s stalling for time. He’s not ready to get married right now.

Post # 15
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The beach.

Well, if you budget carefully, you can make 10k go a long way! Though, I do see his point. 10k is a LOT of money. I would sit down with him and tell each other what your priorities are. Though a wedding only happens once, you also need to look past the wedding and to the future. Maybe he wants to save the money for a house? Or for traveling after you are married? Perhaps saving for future children? Personally, 10k is reasonable but you should talk to him to see what his priorites are too. Marriage is a two way thing. 

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