(Closed) He thinks car/home/trips as commitment ….so why bother..

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Are you both saving for a wedding?

It sounds like getting married isn’t a priority to him.

I can understand that somethings things come up- but the fact that he is talking about replacing a new car, and planning holidays isn’t a necissity and shows where his priorities lie.

Post # 5
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dannielle89:  “It sounds like getting married isn’t a priority to him.”


Post # 6
1077 posts
Bumble bee

@Aoibhinn888:  I would consider saying exactly what you have posted here, you could even just show him this thread. He may not even consider the car/trips/etc. related. I know my SO didn’t realise that I do connect major purchases with our engagement until I related my feelings about it to him. How much have you guys talked about it? Has it been in the heat of the moment or when you were both feeling a little more receptive? You sound well reasoned in this post, and if you have had a similar conversation with him already then I would consider setting a timeline on your own.

From one waiting bee to another that sucks, I really hope he sees that you are at the end of your rope with this! I think it’s worth talking about, but depending on his reaction I’m not sure what I would do. 

Post # 7
169 posts
Blushing bee

@Aoibhinn888:  Do you have any input on these plans? For example, when he was thinking about the vacation, could you have said something like, “Honey, I love the idea of taking a vacation with you, but I also know that we need money for taking the next step in our relationship. What would you think about going somewhere closer to home, saving about XXX amount, that we could use to purchase an inexpensive engagement ring?” (Similarly, with moving to a nicer place – maybe you could delay that a few months, thereby saving the extra rent $$ for those few months and putting that toward the ring?)

Good luck communicating with him about your financial priorities. It’s your relationship, too, and you deserve to have input on the path your lives are taking!

Post # 8
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Agreed, getting married isn’t a priority. Have a frank conversation about it and how important it is to you , and that none if this other stuff shows you commitment whatsoever. If is a priority to you and still not important to him then I think you have some thinking to do…

Post # 9
36 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Aoibhinn888 Say what you’ve said here, and if it honestly looks like its a problem, then tell him. If you really think he is ‘the one’, then maybe you ask him about marriage, and is it ok and all. If you really think he is taking way too long to pop the question, how about you just have a discussion with him and ask ‘do you want to get married?’. Sure, it isn’t the most romantic way, and you don’t have a story to tell, but at least its better than regretting later on.

Post # 10
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

When my Fiance and I discussed getting married, he suggested we put off our two week trip to the UK to help pay for it even though he really wanted to go to visit friends and family who live there.  If he wants to make it happen, it will.  If he doesn’t, he will keep finding excuses and honestly I would be a little concerned with his ability to manage finances if he is already looking at getting a new car after buying one four months ago.

Post # 11
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@axeyourmakeupkit:  This!!!

Have an open conversation about his priorities, and whether he values marriage/why he is stalling?

Post # 12
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would have to say, he sounds like my Darling Husband. We already owned a home together and despite our talk that I didn’t want to live together/buy a place unless we were definitely getting engaged he went 2.5 years before proposing. !!! UGH! he would say stuff similar to your SO. Like “It’s just a piece of paper, we already live like a married couple”. It drove me nuts, but the thing is, he WAS secretly saving and planning. He just planned REALLY slow…LOL. So you never know. Maybe he is trying to save, just not as fast as you’d like him to.

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