(Closed) he thinks im cheating :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

talk to him.  ask him to explain his feelings and reasoning.  then calmy explain to him that youre depressed and why youre depressed and of course reassure him youre not cheating.  tell him he needs to trust you, especially after 8 years.

Post # 4
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

OK…breathe. So the only reason he thinks you’re cheating is because you’re depressed? There isn’t more to the story or anything?

Definitely talk to him. Open and honest communication will get you through it.

Post # 5
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) I agree with speaking to him.  Perhaps you are pulling away sexually or emotionally and he has confused this and thinks that you’re cheating,  Make sure he knows that you love him very much and are just going through some things that are making you down, but you are still very excited to be his wife.

Post # 6
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Like one of my college professors once told me, never assume anything.  Why?  Look at the first 3 letters of that darn word b/c that’s what happens when you assume anything!  Talk it out.  Sit him down, tell him how much you love him and open your heart and tell him what’s really bothering you now.  Let him know you’re in it for life with him!

I know you two can work this out.

I still live by the “no-ass-ume anything” rule btw too! 

Post # 8
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Breathe deeply.  Try to relax.  You two are having a miscommunication that’s all.

You need to share with him your heart and what’s going on inside of you.  He loves you and needs to know it’s to do with depression and not with anything or anybody else in your heart ok?

Maybe instead of talking (until you get back home) send him a loving email and explain it all.  That way you can calmly get your thoughts down and he can read what you’re thinking and feeling without further stress on either one of you.

you two can get thru this.

Btw, one site I love and follow its principles is http://www.marriagebuilders.com .  There’s some great info there and also check out Dr. Harley’s book on “His Needs/Her Needs”.  

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um… maybe this is just me, and this may be an unpopular thing to say, but usually when someone accuses you out of the blue of something, it’s because they have done it or are trying to hide something themself.

Take some time to prep yourself with what you want to talk to him about, and maybe ask where he got this idea and why he thinks that now, after eight+ years.

Good luck. I’m sure it will all work out.

Post # 10
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

maybe he means with us (the hive)?

sorry for such a stinky situation πŸ™ and I do agree that it’s so so so important for you two to talk about this! Especially when no one is upset, because those conversations never end well seems like.

Post # 11
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Usually when people cheat they are extremely happy and joyful, talk to him and explain to him your true feelings, has any of you guys ever cheated before? Does he have a guilty conscience?

Post # 12
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

“Usually when people cheat they are extremely happy and joyful”

This is not at all true. Sorry, but it isn’t.

I think that it’s kind of ridiculous of him to translate your depression into cheating. He is being incredibly insensitive. You’re going through a rough patch obviously and he’s trying to call you out on something you didn’t even do?

Are you having sexual side effects with your depression (i.e. low libido levels)? The only remotely understandable thing would be that, of you are uninterested in sex with him, he might translate that in his mind as “She’s sleeping with someone else.” He clearly doesn’t understand what depression is. You need to maybe educate him a little and tell him what you are feeling and how his BS is like the last thing you need in terms of your current mental state. 

Post # 13
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry he thinks that!  I would talk to him, he probably just doesn’t understand why you are acting so different lately.  Is there anything specific causing you to be depressed?  I hope you feel better soon!

Post # 15
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

yea honey, defnitely go see your doctor. you could be suffering from seasonal depression. it happens to the best of us (been there and done that).. on an unrelated note do you by chance have an iud?

Post # 16
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

I am so sorry to hear about your miscommunication!  It sucks that you are feeling depressed.  I would go see a doctor if there is no reason for the depression.  Also, I found that when I was on certain birth controls I became very depressed, hormonal and emotional.  I don’t know if you are on birth control, but if you are, I would also talk to your OBGYN.  Hope everything works out for you!  

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