He took back a proposal?!

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

I think the faux proposal was a combination of him not being clear and you jumping the gun.  It seems like from his definition of a proposal (one that lacks an engagement period) is meant to be vague though!  Has he changed his mind on that idea since he’s now mentioning “a proper wedding?”

Don’t be embarassed to talk to him about it, you’ve been together almost 5 years!

Post # 4
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I felt like I was  in a similar position before we got engaged, where we had been together for ages and it didn’t seem like the marriage was coming any time soon. I told Fiance that I was fine with waiting a bit longer but I needed a definite time line set to know that we were on the same page. We decided on a no later than date for our engagement, and an approximate time for getting married, and he stuck to them. I was much less frustrated with him once we had a time line set.

Post # 5
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I think you need to sit down with him again and have that talk. It’s been a year, it’s definitely time. If marriage is important to you, and he doesn’t know if he wants to get married, you might want to reevaluate your relationship. Would you be happy being with this guy indefinitely without getting married? If so, then you’re good to go. If not…

Post # 6
5967 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh man…that is painful to read!  You both kind of screwed the pooch, his weird little “just checking” probe and your assumption that it was a bonafide proposal made this into a disaster waiting to happen.  That’s why you gotta have the ring, to close the deal…

I’d talk to him about it, take credit where credit is due, you mistook his hypothetical for a proposal and that was not a great idea, but at the same time you don’t mess around with the “M” word on a starry night atop a roof, everyone knows THAT!

Time to lay it out on the table, what you want, what he wants and if that jives…it’s ok to bring up, just be honest.

Post # 7
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can see both sides, while his “propsal” was illusive, I do think you read too much into it as well. 

Many couple talk about marriage in this detail prior to getting engaged, in fact my husband would ask me similar questions like “are you happy with the way things are?” or “do you want to be engaged?” and I never saw this as a proposal, but more of us talking about our future to ensure we are on the same page, basically like “feeler questions” so to speak. This sounds like what he was trying to do as well. 

I would sit down and talk about a plan, discuss when you both would like to get married so that you can have a more clear direction of the future. 


Post # 8
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well, he told you at the time that it wasn’t a proposal. So, he isn’t taking anything back. He never asked you. He was very clear about it, actually, you just didn’t want to hear what he was saying.

Post # 10
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@crayfish:  +1

Sorry, OP… sounds like he was pretty clear about it.  

Post # 11
1407 posts
Bumble bee

@Nona99:  “That’s why you gotta have the ring, to close the deal…”  +1

Post # 12
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oh man! Unfortunately I think it was a case of mixed messages, not necessarily a taken back proposal.

Lol I just wanted to share the opposite happened for me… I was sitting on a plane with Fiance before he was my Fiance and he says ” so do you think you’d want to marry me”, which to me is kind of hypothetical… I said “yes of course I love you” and he goes “ok we should get married then”… And that was the proposal. No ring or anything. So I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from… It’s confusing!

Post # 13
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think saying he took back the proposal is a bit dramatic, but I do see why you’ve hurt because he seemed so sure of marriage that night and then hasn’t wanted to talk about it since. I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel about marriage and let him know that it’s not just about him. You should also try to get an idea of when it could happen so you can decide where to go from here.

Post # 14
7047 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Why oh why don’t men understand that you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube?

Post # 15
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it was a bit of a miscommunication.  He hasn’t taken back his proposal beacuse a. there technically was no proposal and b. he didn’t say he doesn’t want to get married ever, he just said not right now.  You can’t force someone to marry you before they’re ready. Sit down and have an open conversation about it – If you guys cannot even discuss marriage, you’re definitely not ready for it.


Post # 16
213 posts
Helper bee

@mchitt329:  I agree. Jumping the gun, but I don’t mean that in an offensive way.  My fiance’ has his down moments like we all do.  He has been down and has asked me before, you sure you love me, why does something so pretty want to be with someone like me, you sure you want to marry me, you sure you want a life time with me.  Of course all these answers are a yes.  I love him.  Does that mean he proposed?  No.  (Granted, we were already engaged when he asked the before mentioned questions).

I understand your pain.  We have been together for 3 1/2 years.  Engaged for 1 1/2 years.  We aren’t rushing anything.  ALthough, I am sure if I said lets go elope, he would. 

Pick your battles with this man.  He will come around. 

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