- 5 years ago
Just to set the scene, me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years this january, we are both 23, and have been living together for 4 years.
We have discussed marriage in the past, I have never particularly wanted a big wedding, but I have always wanted to get married. He agreed that when he was ready to marry, he would just ask me, no engagement and we would elope soon after.
Last october, (over a year ago now), we were stitting out on the roof top under the stars and he turns to me and asks ‘are you happy?’ to which i reply ‘yes’ and he follows up with ‘so happy that you’d want to marry me?’
this was completely out of the blue and shocking, but i said yes! and he asked a couple follow up questions like ‘ i thought you maybe wouldnt want to get married while you were still at university?’ but i said of course i didnt mind.etc.etc
i opened a bottle of wine and said we should celebrate, to which he said ‘this isn’t an engagement’ but i didn’t think much of it as this had always been the way we had discussed it, and we had a lovely evening together.
A few days later i tried discussing some kind of plans with him, but he seemed reluctant, saying we’d talk about it later. This went on for two or three months, i would brind it up, say ‘ i was thinking maybe a january wedding’ but he wouldnt want to discuss it, once i actually got him to say ‘maybe next christmas time’ (about 14 months from the time)
but eventually i got fed up of his evasion of the topic. because we had always talked about elpoing, i hadnt told anyone he’d asked me to marry him and dealing with this on my own for months had been hard,
i took him to a restaurant and asked him right out ‘do you want to marry me or not? have you changed your mind since you asked me?’
his answer was this: ‘when i asked you, i didnt mean that i wanted to marry you any time soon. i was feeling quite depressed at the time, having just moved (we had moved house and away from alot of our friends) and you were the only thing keeping me happy, and i think i needed to prove to myself that i was changing, and i was changing my attitude on marriage, I was just letting you know that i one day want to get married, a proper wedding, but i don’t want to be engaged now’
and thats about it. the subject of marriage hasnt come up since, and i am too embarrased by the whole thing to even mention it, its been a year since then and I feel like its put our whole relationship backwards, we’ve been together 5 years and I dont think we’re anywhere near marriage. did I interprit things wrong? did he make himself clear?
I dont want to wait forever, but I fear because we are still young, a proposal wont come for years, if ever.
Any advice would be very helpful!
sorry for the very long post