Post # 1
FI wants a full-blown traditional (but non-religious) ceremony with at least 50 guests. All I want to do is sign papers. This mainly stems from (a) the fact that I have very little family and the family members I do have don’t get along, (b) a desire to save money/time, and (c) my dislike of getting dolled up and being the center of attention.
We tried drawing up a hypothetical guest list and I have no problem keeping mine small, but he has tons of family and friends and even after struggling to cut it down, it seems near impossible to have less than 50.
Has anyone been in this situation? Taking any advice at all about how we might be able to compromise somehow…
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
TheGridMonster: I’m with you! Fi and i had a hard time agreeing on our exact wedding scenario but reached a good compromise. We’re having a small ceremony here with only immediate family. 20 guests tops, then we are eloping to New York for a NYE wedding where we will exchange our rings and personalized vows. I think it satisfies what we both want plus we get a built in honey moon!
Post # 3
You can do a domestic destination wedding! Invite 50, and it’s likely only half will show 😉
Post # 4
How would you feel about a low key elopement, then coming back home and having some kind of semi-fancy reception? You could wear something nice that isn’t the big puffy white gown that makes you the center of attention at all times. That way you both get a bit of what you want.
Post # 5
What about just a simple justice of the piece and a nice reception like some people have said? I didn’t want the wedding, husband wanted at least a reception, so we did the justice of the peace and had a lovely reception after the fact. It ended up working out great for us.
Post # 6
We are having a destination wedding in Punta Cana next year. We will only be 20-25 people, which is actually more than I was hoping but it’s still better than a big ceremony at home, for me anyway. Only immediate family and a few closest friends. It’ll be casual and low-key.
Post # 7
fascinated and mrs.joiner: We’re definitely toying with that idea, but he hasn’t been happy with it. What’s complicates matters is that my family is all on one coast and his is all on the other and we both have elderly family members that can’t travel.
Because of that, though, I suppose whatever we do, it will essentially be a domestic destination wedding and as damarajade noted, that means the turnout won’t be too high, which would help keep the numbers low.
missjz: That sounds amazing! I’d love to do something like that… if only we could get a good list of 20 down!
Post # 8
My husband and I had the same issue; we ended up doing immediate family only (about 40 people total). That included a good chunk of friends; I imagine that if you limited it to immediate only (moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, no aunts or uncles), you’d be under 50. Up to the last minute, I did some moaning about how we should have eloped, but in the end I am so glad those people were there. I hate being the center of attention too, and I didn’t want to spend money, but in the end I didn’t spend much more than if we had eloped with the fancy dress and photographer (people forget those things cost the same no matter how many guests!), and I was so entranced with my fiance during the ceremony that I hardly knew anyone else was there.
My aunt threw a casual pizza party for the rest of the family to celebrate, so everyone got their way in the end!
Post # 9
My situation is a lot like yours. I would be satisfied with just signing the papers with an officiant, but FI wanted a pastor to bless the marriage and invite a small group of family and friends. To compromise, we are having a ceremony with the pastor and witnesses (and photographer for a little photoshoot) in the winter and then a few months later re-enacting our vows as we celebrate in the presence of about 60 family and friends. I’m excited about having 2 inexpensive but cute dresses, 2 wedding cakes, 2 honeymoon trips, etc. We were both willing to compromise, so it has worked out.