Post # 1
My fiance and I have a strong difference of opinion in regards to the wedding party. He has only two members of his family and he is not particularly close to them. Therefore, he wants groomsmen to be by his side. He has a small number of close friends and it is quite an emotional issue for him because of the family situation and not having a large group of friends who all know each other. On the other hand, I would prefer not to have bridesmaids. I am very close to my family I have a number of very close friends from junior high school to college. If forced, I could pick one high school friend as my maid of honor. However, I feel very uncomfortable with the situation because I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I would like the focus to be more on celebrating rather than picking friends. As I have different circles of friends, it is difficult to pick someone from one group without excluding someone else from the same group. Any way to remedy this? My fiance is pretty traditional and doesn’t want just groomsmen in the wedding party. Also we will have our brothers as ushers. Any advice for getting ready in the bridal suite too? I want to include people but I don’t want it to be mayhem. Thanks!!
Post # 3
Do you have a sister or a female relative you can choose? It’s hard picking bridesmaids for everyone, and most people understand that you can’t choose everyone.
Post # 4
@gaucho25: Don’t punish him because you don’t want bridesmaids. There is no rule stating that you have to have even sides.
Post # 5
so you’d rather hurt your FH’s feelings then your friends’? just sayin’. pick a few girls that you see the most longevity in your relationships and be done with it. people will understand if you don’t have a 30 person bridal party.
Post # 6
A friend of mine was in a similar situation and she choose to stick with her sister, sister-in-law and this other girl who she grew up with like a sister in order to avoid choosing between her friends. He had a cousin as well as a good friend and her brother.
Sticking to family only means no one can be offended from your groups of friends. In the absence of female fmaily members, I had my BFF since jr. high as well as 2 former roomates and felt there was a clear line of closeness drawn there.
Post # 7
I don’t have any sisters, but I have one younger brother. I have friends from junior high, friends from high school, and two different close sets of college friends. I just feel that the “bridesmaids” thing isn’t really me. I’m just trying to come up with alternative to have people included.
Post # 8
You can have more or less than him, but if its in his vision for the weddiing to have his buddies standing up there with him, then you shouldnt take that away. Its his wedding too. There is no rule that says that you have to have the same number of bridesmaids or have any at all.
Post # 9
let him have groomsmen… coordinate with all the ladies that are important to you to just wear the same color, whatever they want. they’ll feel important, but not bridesmaids
Post # 10
I picked mutliple friends from the same group – yes we are all friends, we typically spend our weekends together, but then there are def ones that I am closer to, the ones who I would call with a personal problem & others that I would just talk to later. Do you not feel the same way? Are there some that you talk to more on a regular basis then others or have more in common? If so, pick those girls.
And I agree with the others, don’t make your Fiance feel guilty/bad for wanting Groomsmen. Take it in stride, and even though “it’s not you” have fun with it 🙂
Post # 11
Interesting that I’m the dissenting voice in this, but… I don’t agree with the concept of “letting” him “have his buddies.” Marriage may be about compromise, but it’s never too early to start. Have you discussed this in-depth with him?
I don’t think you should choose bridesmaids just to have them and pacify your future husband. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. Your fiance should understand your discomfort, and have just one or two people standing up with him. It won’t look strange, it’s what works for you.
Our story: I don’t have siblings, didn’t want a wedding party, and don’t feel close enough to female friends to ask them. My future spouse has one brother, one college friend, and three high school friends. Our compromise? His brother will be his best man, I won’t have anyone up there with me, and his other friends will be our ushers. He is the one who told me that he wouldn’t feel comfortable having 5 guys while I have no attendents, so we chose the solution that included people but only to a certain degree.
Post # 12
@gaucho25: I’m in the same boat. How are you striking the balance?
Post # 13
Thanks for the advice. It’s not that I don’t want him to have groomsmen…I just don’t really want bridesmaids. But he is really pressuring me to have some people and thinks that one of my good friends deserves it. So I called this good friend and she is in fact, an awesome friend. She was surprised that I called her because she didn’t think I was the type to do this and months ago, we both talked about how we dislike the idea of bridesmaids (she has been a maid of honor for other friends). However, she agreed to do whatever I need.
But, at what point does it end? My fiance now wants the groomsmen to wear the same suits. Ok fine. And be announced during the reception ( no offense but I think it’s cheesy). And be listed on the program. And he thinks I should do the same. In addition, to pick out dresses for my special friend and maybe a few other women (to match our wedding colors, but I am not a big matchy matchy person anyhow). I just feel uncomfortable with choosing just a couple of people because friendships change and I’ve never been someone who likes the exclusive group of friends thing. I have been to other weddings with bridesmaids and people often feel left out.
I will probably have some friends give a toast during the wedding reception and the rehearsal dinner (where everyone is invited since it is out of town).
What’s the best way to downplay things while still have him be happy? I just don’t want to be forced to do something I don’t want, but I also don’t want to take anything away from him.
Post # 14
@gaucho25: maybe a comprimise to annoncing the groomsmen could be to include them in the grooms speech for him to personally thank them that more personal than being annonounced. but i beileve marriage is about give and take so why not the wedding too. it does seem a little like you’ve given an inch and he’s taking a mile now, make sure the wedding still reflects you also. start putting in your own wishes or sit down together. write down all the things you both really want and really don’t want and talk it over. 🙂