(Closed) He wants groomsmen, but I don’t want bridesmaids

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Do you have a sister or a female relative you can choose?   It’s hard picking bridesmaids for everyone, and most people understand that you can’t choose everyone.

Post # 4
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@gaucho25: Don’t punish him because you don’t want bridesmaids. There is no rule stating that you have to have even sides.

Post # 5
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

so you’d rather hurt your FH’s feelings then your friends’? just sayin’. pick a few girls that you see the most longevity in your relationships and be done with it. people will understand if you don’t have a 30 person bridal party.

Post # 6
2889 posts
Sugar bee

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and she choose to stick with her sister, sister-in-law and this other girl who she grew up with like a sister in order to avoid choosing between her friends. He had a cousin as well as a good friend and her brother.

Sticking to family only means no one can be offended from your groups of friends. In the absence of female fmaily members, I had my BFF since jr. high as well as 2 former roomates and felt there was a clear line of closeness drawn there.

Post # 8
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

You can have more or less than him, but if its in his vision for the weddiing to have his buddies standing up there with him, then you shouldnt take that away. Its his wedding too. There is no rule that says that you have to have the same number of bridesmaids or have any at all.

Post # 9
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

let him have groomsmen… coordinate with all the ladies that are important to you to just wear the same color, whatever they want. they’ll feel important, but not bridesmaids

Post # 10
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I picked mutliple friends from the same group – yes we are all friends, we typically spend our weekends together, but then there are def ones that I am closer to, the ones who I would call with a personal problem & others that I would just talk to later. Do you not feel the same way? Are there some that you talk to more on a regular basis then others or have more in common? If so, pick those girls.

And I agree with the others, don’t make your Fiance feel guilty/bad for wanting Groomsmen. Take it in stride, and even though “it’s not you” have fun with it 🙂

Post # 11
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Interesting that I’m the dissenting voice in this, but… I don’t agree with the concept of “letting” him “have his buddies.” Marriage may be about compromise, but it’s never too early to start. Have you discussed this in-depth with him?

I don’t think you should choose bridesmaids just to have them and pacify your future husband. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. Your fiance should understand your discomfort, and have just one or two people standing up with him. It won’t look strange, it’s what works for you.

Our story: I don’t have siblings, didn’t want a wedding party, and don’t feel close enough to female friends to ask them. My future spouse has one brother, one college friend, and three high school friends. Our compromise? His brother will be his best man, I won’t have anyone up there with me, and his other friends will be our ushers. He is the one who told me that he wouldn’t feel comfortable having 5 guys while I have no attendents, so we chose the solution that included people but only to a certain degree.

Post # 12
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@gaucho25: I’m in the same boat. How are you striking the balance?

Post # 14
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


@gaucho25: maybe a comprimise to annoncing the groomsmen could be to include them in the grooms speech for him to personally thank them that more personal than being annonounced. but i beileve marriage is about give and take so why not the wedding too. it does seem a little like you’ve given an inch and he’s taking a mile now, make sure the wedding still reflects you also. start putting in your own wishes or sit down together. write down all the things you both really want and really don’t want and talk it over. 🙂 

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