Post # 1
So FI had chosen his groomsmen from the getgo, we have both had the same friends growing up and it was an easy decision for him. All of a sudden he decides grooms man #6 isn’t really that great of a friend so he nixes him keep in mind this is only on paper- he hasn’t asked anyone yet) so now he needs a #6 (I wanted 3 bm and 3 gm, he couldn’t narrow it down so we have 6/side now-too many in my opinion) so he’s grad idea that suddenly he is sentimental over is having his dad be his best man, because he can’t choose one. now the reason this is bugging me is his dad will be in all weds family photos anyway, we are having everything at his dads house, his dad is very laid back and lives 3 hours away so getting him involved in suit fitting will be difficult, and the head table with dates. We decided to allow our wedding party to have their SO sit at the head table with them. Therefore if his dad is at the head table with his new wife, not only will this bother my FMIL but also my mom for sure. I don’t want to make this a regrettable thing in our lives but I really feel strongly about it. It will be more added stress and hurt some people as well as make for possibly strange wedding photos. Uggh rant is over now tell me what to do please bees…. (forgive the grammar this was done on my phone)
Post # 3
This isn’t unheard of… to have the dad as the best man.
I don’t know the rest of the situation with your families…. but this is not a battle I would pick.
Tux fitting: Are you going with a major retailer? He can to ANY men’s warehouse and get fitted…. I believe they can even have HIS tux shipped to HIS location, even though your order them as a group.
If having his mom at the head table bothers you…. then change that plan and do a table with the attendants dates…. to me a head table with 14 people is already too big. A head table with 28 seems like a nightmare.
I think you CAN solve these problems, if you want to.
Post # 4
I would explain how I felt, and that it would hurt people, and hope he listens. But if he really wants his Dad in the party, what can you do? Except fume…lol
Post # 5
@avonleaR: I think your SO has the right to pick his Best Man even if it is his father. Even though you may worry about delays with the suit, all the groomsmen that served in DH and I’s wedding were out of state, and the suits were ordered just fine. If you’re worried about your FMIL and mother’s reactions, just let them know ahead of time. They’ll have more than enough time to realize it’s your SO’s decision.
Post # 8
If he wants his father as his BM that is HIS choice, and a rather wonderful one. I cannot think of why anyone would have issue with him wanting to bestow this honor to his own father.
The opposite was true at my wedding; my husband chose his son, and I could not think of anyone more worthy of such an honor….
And if the adults involved (due to divorce) cannot put aside their differences for one day and act like adults, then that’s their problem.
Post # 9
My husband’s father was his best man. I don’t understand what the problem is. He should be able to pick whoever he wants.
Post # 10
@dkacerek: +1, especially And if the adults involved (due to divorce) cannot put aside their differences for one day and act like adults, then that’s their problem.
Post # 11
I agree with PP that your So does have the right to choose anyone he wants to be the best man. And really 3 hours away won’t make it that difficult to get the suit.
But just a thought. Why doesn’t your SO feel that he needs a 6th. Why don’t you both cut one out and only have 5 on each side?
Post # 12
It is a sweet gesture . Pick another battle.
Post # 13
@avonleaR: My fiance is using his father as his best man so he doesn’t have to choose between his other groomsmen. We aren’t doing a head table so I don’t really have the same dilemma as you, but if I were in your situation I think I’d just have the wedding party minus the dad and his wife at the table. He’d probably be content sitting at another table with other family..especially since he’s a man and doesn’t care that much and also because you mentioned he’s laid back. He can still stand up and do his toast from wherever he’s sitting. And honestly, who cares if your head table has more couples on one side than the other?
If this is not a consideration for you, and it is important for the wedding party to all sit together including dad/ new wife, then other people’s situations or feelings about that are their issues, not yours…don’t let them make it your problem due to their own discomforts.
Post # 14
It is a sweet gesture . Pick another battle.
Post # 16
@avonleaR: it’s not your choice, he can have whomever he wants be the best man.