Post # 1
So FI had chosen his groomsmen from the getgo, we have both had the same friends growing up and it was an easy decision for him. All of a sudden he decides grooms man #6 isn’t really that great of a friend so he nixes him keep in mind this is only on paper- he hasn’t asked anyone yet) so now he needs a #6 (I wanted 3 bm and 3 gm, he couldn’t narrow it down so we have 6/side now-too many in my opinion) so he’s grad idea that suddenly he is sentimental over is having his dad be his best man, because he can’t choose one. now the reason this is bugging me is his dad will be in all weds family photos anyway, we are having everything at his dads house, his dad is very laid back and lives 3 hours away so getting him involved in suit fitting will be difficult, and the head table with dates. We decided to allow our wedding party to have their SO sit at the head table with them. Therefore if his dad is at the head table with his new wife, not only will this bother my FMIL but also my mom for sure. I don’t want to make this a regrettable thing in our lives but I really feel strongly about it. It will be more added stress and hurt some people as well as make for possibly strange wedding photos. Uggh rant is over now tell me what to do please bees…. (forgive the grammar this was done on my phone)
Post # 3
I think you should let this one go. If your FI suddenly feels like his dad sould fill the spot of best man, let him. I don’t see how it will make strange wedding photos, or be a hugely ” regrettable” decision.
Wedding photos are great, but no one is paying attention to the dynamic, and they certainly aren’t as important as who your FI remembers standing next to him on this big day– that is HIS day, too.
Post # 4
I would simply tell him that because you wanted fewer bridesmaids, you should both keep it to 5 each – that’s more of a compromise than adding people just because he’s indecisive. Also, remind him that having his dad as a BM can be awkward for his mum, he might not have thought of that yet!
Post # 5
You do nothing. I too, fail to see why this is an issue. You FI doesn’t get a say in who is your MOH and you don’t get a say in his BM. If he wants his dad as his BM, then that’s who his BM should be.
Picture dynamics and potentially jealous mothers aren’t nearly good enough reasons for your FI’s dad to not be his BM. What’s important to your FI trumps what’s important to your mother and his mother.
Post # 6
@Mrs_Amanda: I mean regrettable if he doesn’t have his dad, I don’t want him to do what I want and then regret it, that’s part of the reason I’m struggling with this. I want him to be happy because of course it’s his day, but Im just not find of this sudden change. And rather than expressing myself to him I want to get the initial vent out tot the hive so when I go to him with my concerns it’s level headed and not a rant.
Post # 7
Uh… nothing. It is his groomsmen and unless the guy hates, you have no say. So he has his new wife, the couple’s involved can act like adults for a few hours. Unless you want to come off as super petty then you say nothing.
Post # 8
It used to be very common for the groom to choose his father as his best man. It’s really his choice.
If you’re afraid that it will cause problems to have him sit at the table of the wedding party then don’t have one. Just have a sweethearts table. I’m also not sure how it will make wedding photos strange.
Post # 9
What do you do? you re-draw the seating chart, and tell your fi to put a suit-fitting with his dad on the calendar.
On the topic of seating chart, obviously it’s way too early to even start working on this if your wedding isn’t till September, but one creative solution could be to sit with your new husband at a sweetheart table, and distribute the wedding party and any other honored guests (such as your FMIL or your mom, and their partners) amongst 2 additional tables.
That’s not the only way you can do it— you have a lot of options, including telling your mom and your FMIL to get over it. Just saying that a seating chart is easily reworked, and dinner’s only an hour anyway, both of which make that a very poor justification for not letting your fiance have his choice of best man.
Post # 11
i really apprecitae all your comments, i think having some blunt perspective has help to realize the actually issue i have with this, your right the photos will not be affected, the mothers can stuff it (we’ll tell them why they are not at the head table, this is important to him as difficult as a conversation that eill be) the underlying issue is he is a “daddys” boy, which i think there is nothing wrong with, but he is always vying for his dads affection and recognition and he thinks (he said this) it will make my dad happy. my FFIL is not a cold or mean man by any means, hes just “a mans man, non of that sissy stuff” etc. Im worried the outcome may be different than what my FI hopes for and maybe im a bit jealouse and feel like i keep coming in 2nd to his dad who hes got on a pedastal. i know there are women out there who have had to compete with a MIL, but i didnt really think i would ever have to compete with my FIL. im glad i am able to say the thing on my mind here in the hive rather than stepping on toes with my Future Husband, so thank you for helping me
Post # 12
I see you just responded, so this may be unnessary but I too agree with PP’s. If he wants his dad in the wedding party it’s no biggie. My DH had his father be his best man and it worked out just fine. And as far as the “head table” switch it up a bit. I did. We 3 “head tables”. They consisted of us, our immediate families, our readers, our officiant/his wife and our wedding party and their dates. It worked out great.
Post # 13
@avonleaR: You don’t need to do anything. He should be able to do this. As a previous poster said, they can act like adults for a few hours, this isn’t junior high.
Post # 14
@avonleaR: Nah, you’re not competing with his dad. My DH’s best friend was his dad and he misses him horribly (he died 7 years ago). In a day when so many parents and children don’t get along celebrate the fact that your FI loves/admires his dad so much. 🙂
Post # 15
@avonleaR: You should have no say whatsoever about the people he picks as groomsmen, IMO.