(Closed) He wants his dad to be his best man??? What do I do?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you should let this one go. If your FI suddenly feels like his dad sould fill the spot of best man, let him. I don’t see how it will make strange wedding photos, or be a hugely ” regrettable” decision.

Wedding photos are great, but no one is paying attention to the dynamic, and they certainly aren’t as important as who your FI remembers standing next to him on this big day– that is HIS day, too. 

Post # 4
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would simply tell him that because you wanted fewer bridesmaids, you should both keep it to 5 each – that’s more of a compromise than adding people just because he’s indecisive. Also, remind him that having his dad as a BM can be awkward for his mum, he might not have thought of that yet!

Post # 5
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You do nothing.  I too, fail to see why this is an issue.  You FI doesn’t get a say in who is your MOH and you don’t get a say in his BM.  If he wants his dad as his BM, then that’s who his BM should be. 

Picture dynamics and potentially jealous mothers aren’t nearly good enough reasons for your FI’s dad to not be his BM.  What’s important to your FI trumps what’s important to your mother and his mother.

Post # 7
Member
5548 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Uh… nothing. It is his groomsmen and unless the guy hates, you have no say. So he has his new wife, the couple’s involved can act like adults for a few hours. Unless you want to come off as super petty then you say nothing. 

Post # 8
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It used to be very common for the groom to choose his father as his best man.  It’s really his choice. 

If you’re afraid that it will cause problems to have him sit at the table of the wedding party then don’t have one.  Just have a sweethearts table.  I’m also not sure how it will make wedding photos strange.

Post # 9
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What do you do? you re-draw the seating chart, and tell your fi to put a suit-fitting with his dad on the calendar. 

On the topic of seating chart, obviously it’s way too early to even start working on this if your wedding isn’t till September, but one creative solution could be to sit with your new husband at a sweetheart table, and distribute the wedding party and any other honored guests (such as your FMIL or your mom, and their partners) amongst 2 additional tables.  

That’s not the only way you can do it— you have a lot of options, including telling your mom and your FMIL to get over it. Just saying that a seating chart is easily reworked, and dinner’s only an hour anyway, both of which make that a very poor justification for not letting your fiance have his choice of best man.

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

(duplicate post) 

Post # 12
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I see you just responded, so this may be unnessary but I too agree with PP’s.  If he wants his dad in the wedding party it’s no biggie.  My DH had his father be his best man and it worked out just fine.  And as far as the “head table” switch it up a bit.  I did.  We 3 “head tables”.  They consisted of us, our immediate families, our readers, our officiant/his wife and our wedding party and their dates.  It worked out great. 

Post # 13
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@avonleaR:  You don’t need to do anything. He should be able to do this. As a previous poster said, they can act like adults for a few hours, this isn’t junior high.

Post # 14
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@avonleaR:  Nah, you’re not competing with his dad.  My DH’s best friend was his dad and he misses him horribly (he died 7 years ago).  In a day when so many parents and children don’t get along celebrate the fact that your FI loves/admires his dad so much.  🙂

Post # 15
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@avonleaR:  You should have no say whatsoever about the people he picks as groomsmen, IMO.

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