Post # 1
My fiance wants "speeches" at our wedding. It’s something thats typical at Australia weddings to have a speech given by the fathers of the groom and bride, the best man, the maid of honor, and the groom.
I am really uncomfortable with speeches. At other peoples weddings I feel weird because it’s like all these intimate details are talked about and personally I don’t really care that the bride "excelled at soccer as a child". They tend to go on and on and really only the immediate family finds them entertaining. I am also a private person. I feel really uncomfortable when people talk about me.
IF these speeched happen it would be his father, his brothers and himself speaking for a while each. About my fiance growing up, stories about him being a bachelor and then a brief "congrats to the bride and groom" at the end. (But I might not even get that because during the speeches at our engagement party no one even talked about us as a couple). Then my dad (who gets VERY emotional) would give like a 2 minute toast. (I am not asking my MOH to give a toast, not a public speaker and I don’t want her to stress at our wedding. If she wants to, great-if not, great) It would be very one-sided and our guests will be one-sided anyway since about 5% of the people I invited from the US are coming. I can just see myself sitting there trying to smile while feeling not so happy.
Is anyone else really opposed to something their fiance really wants at the wedding?
Post # 3
Is there a way to request that they do this at the rehearsal dinner? That way you aren’t inf front of all of your guests and it would maybe feel more appropriate than if it were at the wedding?
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
Are you having a DJ? Sometimes a good DJ can help limit the timing of the speeches and "keep things moving."
Post # 5
Mrs Corn – Rehearsal is exactly what I suggested to my fiance! He said we’d talk about it when I get back (I’m away for the next month).
No DJ – so the rambling would go uninteruppted (and these people can TALK!)
Post # 6
You made some great points. Have you said these exact things to your FI?
My opinion would be to compromise. Let him have a speech from his best man (maybe dad). The people to give speeches, BM and MOH, are pretty typical. Fathers aren’t unheard of either. Brothers? At this point I’d say no. Sorry, but it sounds like your guests are going to get 15 minutes of lectures on your FI’s life history. And to top it off, it will be unbalanced because you won’t get a speech from MOH, and a pretty brief one from dad. I would keep it to BM speech. If FOG speech is needed to keep peace, fine. But that’s it. And if neither of them is going to acknowledge you, then perhps FI can give a speech. (As long as it is limited to just your relationship, the wedding, etc.)
Post # 7
You could ask them to write down their toasts beforehand and have them let you review it. That way you can veto anything too personal or cut anything that’s too long. I wish I had done this at my wedding. My dad’s toast was terrible.
Post # 8
I say compromise on how many speeches at the wedding- try to get him to agree with one from each of your families. Just explain you are very uncomfortable with the speeches to begin with and there are way too many being considered that will take up too much time. So 2 total at the actual wedding and everyone else at the rehearsal dinner.
Post # 9
I like Mrs. Corn’s suggestion of having these speeches at the rehearsal dinner. That way, your fiance’s family can give their speeches, but you won’t have to worry about putting your family on the spot, or the speeches taking up time at the actual reception.
FWIW, my husband really wanted his brother to give the blessing at our wedding. I was pretty against it, as I know that his brother has very strong beliefs that we don’t really share. I relented and let it happen and it…was really, very uncomfortable. His speech went on and on…and he said some things that I absolutely do not agree with, and I felt the same way as you described, trying to smile while I was totally unhappy. So I guess, my best advice is if you think you don’t want it to happen at the ceremony, I’d ask to have it happen at the rehearsal.