Post # 1
Argh! So, my BF and I set and date and he’s allowing me to talk wedding plans a little even if I don’t have a ring. I don’t mean “allowing me” like he gave me permission. I just mean that I kind of hinted a bit and he laughed at me and said “it’s okay! You’re on a schedule. You can just say it!”
But if I ever really, REALLY talk about wedding plans, like trying to get a guest list out of him, he panics. FULL ON PANIC. He won’t talk to vendors or talk budget until there’s a ring. So give me the ring!
The reason: he was married before. She made a huge deal about the wedding and his entire engagement was a year and a half circus that ended in an empty marriage because she didn’t really care about that part so much. (I’m sure she did, but this is how his emotions are remembering it.)
We don’t really want to elope… but he’s dragging his feet proposing because he doesn’t want to see me turn into bridezilla for the next 10 months (that’s all I’ve got- 10 months!) How can I reassure him that I want to be MARRIED to him FOREVER and not just have a party? We’ve had this discussion but it keeps repeating itself like a broken record and I think he may be holding my ring hostage to his emotions. It’s taking all the fun out of planning to feel like I’m hurting him every time I mention an idea.
Anyone else experience this?
(End vent. Thanks!)
Post # 3
@Dreamer12781: All I can advice if I were in your shoes is to sit him down once again and tell him how serious you are about yall getting married. I would suggest telling him the reason why it means so much to him is because you want to get married and spend the rest of your lives together. In the end that’s what the most important thing to you. The party isn’t a party but rather a celebration of your new lives together as husband and wife that your family and friends get to be a part of. Just reassure him that your not going to turn into a bridezilla at least you’ll try your hardest not to. I hope this helps.
Post # 4
Try to outline reasons why you want to be married and not just have a big party. Try to vocalize those things frequently. I think talking to my husband about things like, we will get a new grill after we get married, we will set up a joint account after we are married, let him see that there were logical reasons I wanted to get married not just to have a big party.
Post # 5
@Dreamer12781: I totally hear where you’re coming from. My b/f talks about our ‘wedding’, our ‘house’, our ‘kids’… EVERYTHING BUT ENGAGEMENT. I finally had to tell him that unless I had a ring on my finger, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. He still talks about it, but I remind him that we still need to get engaged first. That’s when he goes silent.
I don’t understand men. Sometimes they really bug me.