- 5 years ago
Ok, I’m pissed, and sad, and want to punch my boyfriend in his obnoxious face! I posted on here before. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years. We’ve lived together for a year happily. In Oct., our apartment flooded in Hurricane Sandy. The hurricane actually brough us closer together. We were doing great, and we both agreed that the hurricane brought us closer together. We’ve been talking about getting married. We ended up finding an apartment together in NYC and moved in. The apartment is great, but since the hurricane we’ve been fighting A LOT. Its been 6 weeks out of over two years.
The biggest source of our fights have been cleaning and his refusal to come home on nights when he has a long commute. He works part of the week on long island (where we used to live) and part of the week in NYC. He decided to spend any days he works on the island staying with his parents who nag him. On the advice of the people on the Bee, I decided not to nag him about this and just let it happen. The thing is, I miss him when he is gone. For the last 2 weeks he’s been spending Tues through Fri night on the island. He comes back on Fri. around 9 or 10 after rush hour. It has felt like a total rejection to me, but I just let him do it for three reasons. 1. The commute is LONG. I do it myself everyday, but whatever, he has less patience than me. 2. His mom is a really bad nag, and I figured she do a much better job convincing him to come home than I ever could. 3. I kinda like having the apartment to myself and not having to worry about doing dishes or cleaning up after myself when he’s not around. I also assumed that it would only be one night a week, two tops.
Anyway, I haven’t nagged him or argued with him about this since I came to this decision. However, this Fri. he deciced to come home early around 2pm. To be fair, the house was a mess. I even warned him when he texted me that he was leaving work early. However, I wasn’t expecting him and was planning on cleaning up before he came home. He got home and started sending me snarky texts and I got mad and sent him snarky texts back. (I know, not mature.) He came home and we had a huge fight. He started texting his best friend later that night. She’s a girl and they had a casual sexual relationship 5 years ago. I’ve always been fine with it, and I knew about it before they started dating. However, I’ve always had really important ground rules, she is not allowed to sleep over when I’m not around, and I will always been informed when they hang out. In any event, he was texting her after our fight and she invited him over. He waited until I went to bed and semi snuck out without telling me where he was going.
This morning I was livid. I’m not a jealous person and I don’t think he is cheating on me, but I think he crossed a serious line. We had another huge row, and now he’s saying that the fighting is too much and he mayby/possibly wants to break up.
I don’t know what to do with him. I’m hurt that all it took was 6 bad weeks to, in his mind, destroy our relationship. I think its reasonable to expect some rough patches. We rarely fought before this. When we did, his immediate reaction was always to threaten to break up. At minimum, given that we are two months into a 12 months lease neither of us can afford to break, he could try a little harder. I also feel like this realization would have been useful in mid Nov. when we signed the #[email protected]% lease!
I don’t know what to do with him. I feel like its a rough patch and we would probably work through it if he was willing to give it a chance. Further, quite honestly, I’ve been having second throughts about this relationship since we started fighting. However, I wasn’t about to throw it out the window either. Its been wonderful for 2 years. It only got hard after we moved due to the hurricane. I just don’t know what to do.
I told him I don’t want to break up this afternoon and now I’m playing it cool. As horrible as it would be to break up, I just don’t think me begging him to keep me would be helpful. I do want to give it a second chance and I don’t think I have much a choice. Financially speaking, neither does he. Is there any way to salvage the sitation?