- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hello all! I am brand new to the board as I wanted to get a little advice from those in my situation and even those who aren’t. Let me preface this by letting you know I’m typing this on myphone, so don’t be shocked if a wonky word or two ends up in here via autocorrect. So, onto my dilemma.
My SO and I have been together for nearly 4.5 years. Weve lived together for close to 4 of those years, and we also have an 11 month old son whom we both adore. We both have decent jobs, me a logistics coordinator, and him in construction. He started his own business after becoming a licensed contractor himself this year as well. Obviously, one big thing missing here from this picture is an engagement (obviously, since here I am on the waiting board at wedding bee). I’ve been as patient as I can, and we’ve discussed marriage several times. From these talks, I’ve learned:
A) he does want to get married eventually
B) he wants to before our son can remember us being unmarried
C) he wants another child when our son is around 4, and wants to be married before said child.
Having that info made me a little more cal about waiting, because by all means, to me it spelled engagement around the corner. Surely he wasn’t planning to wait until our son was ALMOST four and we’d be thinking of another kid, right? That he’d want to at least just be married for a bit before adding another kid?
But no, recently when I mentioned in passing something about getting married, he said, “I think you’re thinking about this a lot more than me. I mean, I’m just so focused on getting my business going, I’m not thinking of getting married anytime soon.”. That stung, because I really did think that he’d surprise me any day now. Still, after thinking on it, I decided I could understand that, even though I was disappointed.
TWo weeks later, (this Sunday) he starts talking to me about going to the bank and starting the process of trying to get preapproved for a home loan, nothing out of the blue because we’d been making those plans since we started leasing our apartment. But now, I bristled. I was gung go about buying a house with him then because I was really under the impression we’d at least be engaged soon, but after he told me that he’s not thinking of it anytime soon, I’m not comfortable buying a house with him. It was a different story when I thought that commitment was around the corner–now I feel like I’d be agreeing to the next excuse for putting off an engagement.
So my question is, do you think I’m being unreasonable by back pedeling on buying a home? To me, I kind of feel like I was already dumb enough to give away the “milk for fee” so to speak by living with him, having his baby, cooking, cleaning, etc, and I’d have to be a complete idiot to add on a complimentary ice cream sundae. Any and all advice would be quite helpful! Thanks!