Post # 1
I got the BIGGEST bomb dropped on me…Friday night my FI calls me and says “I’m just not happy anymore and I think we need to be apart” Now my relationship hasnt been all sunshine and roses, but I NEVER saw this coming. He went out to drink that night with his best friend who is in a HORRIBLE marriage, and I cant help but think that he is just being influenced. Saturday night he came over, got all of his stuff, and we fought a lot. I gave him all the contact info to the vendors and I told him if he wants to end this then he needs to do all the dirty work. I also told him he needs to tell my son as well. This upset him and he got mad at me and accused me of using my child as a pawn. I just feel like he needs to not only end things with me but to explain himself to my child as well. He left Saturday night after a whole lot of fighting, crying and drama, he told me that he just needs time. I called him yesterday and apologized to him for the way I acted saturday night, he said there was nothing to be sorry for. I told him if he just needs time I will give it to him, I then said I love you he said I love you too and we hung up. About 3 hours later he text me to tell me he was going to the gym, which he always does, and I havent heard from him since. I dont know what to do and I am completely lost. A part of me wants to tell him to go to hell and how dare he not realize whats staring him in the face, the other half knows that I could have treated him better and wants to wait here for the day he realizes that we belong together.
Post # 4
I am so sorry you’re going through this. (((hug)))
Post # 5
My heart is breaking for you. Sending many many hugs your way. I know this is going to suck but – if he is going to let a friend and drinking allow himself to treat you like this it is better you find out now than after you guys got married. As for telling your son – If I were you I would do it myself. I understand your feeling like this is HIS doing so let HIM to do ugly part, but the simple truth is, He is not invested in your son the way you are. You will handle this with love and truth. He is upset and angry and will probably tell your son in a way that is not the best way for a child to hear it. I agree with him on this part – keep your son out of this. The relationship you need to keep strong and healthy is between you and your child. Make sure that your son knows that he had nothing to do with the break up and that you will never ever stop loving him(your son).
You will get over this, be strong for your son. People care… Keep us posted 🙂
Post # 6
@soon2bmrsgarcia: SO SORRY TO HEAR THIS FOR YOU
Post # 7
Oh, I’m so sorry. How awful.
It doesn’t sound like you treated him badly at all, at least not from what you’ve written in this post. Asking him to cal the vendors and talk to your child is completely reasonable. Don’t feel bad, at least not about that.
If I were you, I would not contact him. I would let him really get used to the idea of what he’s done, and I’d give *myself* time to process and heal from such a bomb. This isn’t the kind of thing that I would be able to just bounce back from, if he should come crawling back. This is a major, major move that he’s made — give yourself time to process. That’s my best advice. Sorry this is happening. 🙁
Post # 8
I am so sorry hun! Just know that as decemberbride said, if he is that easily influenced by a friend before you even get married, how would he be able to handle other influences such as a woman coming onto him? You don’t deserve that, and trust me you WILL find someone who wants to be with you and will treat you right. I went through a failed engagement before I found my now fiance who is the one, and trust me, be thankful that he revealed himself to you now instead of after you got married. Hugs to you and you WILL get through this!!
Post # 9
Thank you guys so much! I know I have to be strong and give him his space. It just hurts so much and I have so many unanswered questions. Thank you all again!
Post # 10
@soon2bmrsgarcia: That sucks, I am sorry! But I would suggest rather than thinking of this as “giving him his space” you think of it as time to consider what YOU really want. If one night out with a friend is going to have him running…especially when there is a child who has grown attached to him…is that a person you think will be there for you when things get really hard?
People have cold feet and they panic, if that is what this is, then he has a communication problem. There will be moments in every relationship where we think “OMG, can’t do this, must flee!” but its how we cope with those moments and work through them that matters.
I agree with the posters who said let him see how it feels to live without you. If he is miserable, he will find a way to reach you. If he is happier…well, why would you want to be with a man happier without you?
Post # 11
@Rubies: So well said!! You said everything I was going to say!
Post # 12
I certainly don’t want to come off as bashing the OP, but what makes everyone think he just left because his friend influenced him? I think there’s more to the situation than any of us can know. If this man is semi-rational, he probably wouldn’t end it just because a friend’s bad experience influenced him. FI and I are around bitter people who hate their marriages and try to tell us not to do it. We have never considered ending our relationship because of it though. Unless he was already unhappy, I just don’t see one night out with a friend convincing him to call off his wedding.
Op said “the other half knows that I could have treated him better.” It’s not really fair to say the OP did nothing wrong just based on the information in the post. And I would tend to agree with the FI here. Telling him that he has to tell your son is manipulation, and I think in your gut you kinda know that.
Op, I am truly sorry you are going through this 🙁 I hope you don’t take offense to any of what I have said, I am just trying to be honest. I think you need to take a good hard look at what made your relationship not “all sunshine and roses,” give your FI the little bit of space he’s asking for (without freaking out, texting, calling repeatedly–doesn’t count if you do) and then hopefully at some point in the future you two can sit down and talk about what you both need to do to repair the relationship. Good luck and I hope you are able to resolve this 🙂