Post # 1
So, I’m hoping that you ladies will give me some advice, as this is my first real drama post! My Fiancee and I both have a child from previous relationship. I have a 5 year old girl and he has a 7 year old boy. He has told me that he is considering inviting his Ex wife to our wedding and reception to be a “baby sitter” for the event.
Now, mind you she pretty much puts him through hell about everything, and I don’t think I would feel comfortable buying her a meal and providing her with liquor (selfish, maybe). On top of all of that, I don’t want to feel her sneering at me while we say our vows or whatnot.
I would rather shoot myself in the face than invite my ex, but don’t know how I should be reacting or go about his ex. Any ideas? PLEASE HELP!!!
Post # 3
Honestly I think that’s really inappropriate. There is no reason that one of your husband’s family members can’t help keep an eye on his son for the night. Or you can hire a babysitter. I would tell your FI that you are really uncomfortable with the idea of her being there and you need to come up with a different option.
Post # 4
If they have a good relationship, I would think it would be a nice gesture. But if there is any hostility between them, NO
Post # 5
Why don’t you just go ahead and hire a babysitter?
It seems like you might want someone to be able to watch/entertain your daughter. Get someone the kids know and like (or pay a teenage cousin or neice). That way you can say you already have it taken care of and you don’t have to have her there.
Post # 6
Here’s some advice – SAY NO and hire a real babysitter. You’ll be really uncomfortable with her there and I think it’s really inappropriate for him to have suggested it if the both of you do not have a good relationship with her. it would be one thing if it was amicable and you got along with her (which is rare, but has been known to happen) but as it stands, ummmm no. Hire a sitter that didn’t used to be married to your FI.
Post # 7
I think this is kinda weird and inconsiderate. I think it is great he wants his son there but find appropriate babysitting arrangements, ie: not his ex-wife being at the wedding/reception. I think you really need to voice that this makes you uncomfortable and that it would be considered really inappropriate. It would be wayyy different if you guys were all buddy-buddy but that is obviously not the case.
Post # 8
Yeah, it doesn’t exactly sound like she is going to be a well-wisher.
Could one of your sets of parents watch the kids?
Post # 9
Tell him you’ve hired an older cousin/family friend/teenager/etc. as a baby sitter. Inviting an ex wife that you have a bad relationship seems inappropriate to me.
Post # 10
ABSOULTELY. NO. WAY!!! Hire a babysiter for sure. This is your day and having her there is just plain creepy if you ask me.
Post # 11
Plenty of options to choose for a babysitter without it being the ex-wife.
Post # 12
FI has a fairly decent relationship with his ex-w and I *still* wouldn’t feel comfortable with her at our wedding.
We’re actually compromising a little bit. She’s coming down to San Diego (she lives in LA) and when it’s time for the kiddos to leave 10-ish probably) she is going to come get them. We’re paying for her hotel in order to make this happen.
Post # 13
If you’re uncomfortable with there then you should have a talk with your FI and let him know. There’s no reason why she should be there, a babysitter can always be hired. Bottom line, if you’re uncomfortable with it, you need to make it clear to him and then figure out a solution. It seems odd that he wold consider inviting her to the wedding, even if it is as a “babysitter”.
Post # 14
I dont understand why you cant just hire a babysitter for a 1/4 of the price? Why is he determined to have her babysit? Does she babysit for everything else as well?
Post # 15
Yeah… that would not fly with me. I suggest getting a babysitter to watch the kids during the wedding.
Post # 16
Um, yeah, NO! This is your day. My mom and dad have a great “ex” relationship, but she never would have gone to my dads wedding. It’s just not done.