He Went to See a Counsellor (Long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My question is if you’re only going to see him twice a year, what are your visions for the future? Like how would you make that work? I’m assuming its a permenant thing? cause I’m just thinking marriage and maybe kids with the guy only around twice a year could be hard, but I’m assuming its permenant and brief moments of seeing him

Post # 3
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

In this case I don’t see the length of time of you being together as a reason to feel your ready to be engaged or married.  People can be together for 10 years but out of that, 5 were prio. To being in their twenties. 

He doesn’t seem ready and it seems like you are both on different pages. I wouldn’t press it any further and either accept that you will be bf and gf when he leaves or don’t waste your time. At this poit it’s not him wasting your time , he gave you his answer repeatedly and you choose to staY.

Post # 4
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I read the previous post you had, so to clarify hes going away for grad school and you can’t follow him? well….to put myself in his shoes…hes not gonna see you much at all anymore for quite a while…and hes saying hes not ready, maybe its his way of distancing himself because he doesn’t think it will last the ldr? Maybe hes hoping if he does that itll be easier on you both and you guys can move on, because you are quite young still. I mean those types of relationships are tough, especially with so few visits. I don’t think getting engaged just as you’re about to barely ever see one another is a good idea in the first place, but thats imo. But yeah in the end thats all my guessing, he told you hes not ready or not thinking you’re the one, whatever which. So its your choice now if you stay and hope he changes his mind

Post # 5
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If I were you I would want to wait things out a bit before getting engaged. It seems like you’re pushing him pretty hard and he honestly doesnt know what he wants to do. If you give him more time maybe he won’t feel rushed. Do you really want him to propose just because he feesl like he has to?

Post # 7
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

That’s fantastic news! I’m so glad that he took an actual, tangible step towards figuring out how he feels. I think that the way that you are handling everything is fantastic, you should be very proud of yourself. I hope everything continues to improve so that by the time he leaves you can both feel very secure in your relationship. 

Post # 8
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Long story short, I think it’s OK if you wait and I think it’s normal for him to be unsure at this point in his life. The last wedding I went to was for a couple, each 30, who dated for 12 years! He was deployed several times during that period.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Bubbles42.
Post # 9
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

 

peachykeener: Oh, honey. One counseling session does not equal commitment on his part. He’s nowhere near ready. I would suggest you use your time apart to take a break from each other and re-evaluate your relationship with him. 

Post # 11
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Its good that he is trying to sort out his feelings, but I would really back off of him if I were you.  Give him complete space to figure things out – no asking him what he’s thinking, no bringing up people to talk to about his feelings.  Would him going away without a firm committment be an absolute dealbreaker for you?  If so, tell him he needs to decide by then, and be prepared to walk if he doesn’t.  No guy is worth so much heartache, you deserve to be with a guy who fully wants the same things you want!

Post # 12
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It means a lot when the men in our lives make an effort toward relationships. Women are sort of programmed to do the emotional labor so it comes easily to most of us to have the long talks, evaluate where we’re going, think about the future, etc. The fact that your guy made the effort to step outside of his comfort zone and go to counseling is a great step. Even if things don’t work out the way you’d like, know that he obviously cares about you.

Post # 13
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m going to be honest. It shouldn’t be this difficult, involve this much heartache, this much soul searching. In my experience when a man finds the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he knows without a doubt. He doesn’t need to seek counsel. I think you should let this relationship evolve naturally and be prepared to probably let it go when he moves. Free yourself to find the man of your dreams who will move heaven and earth to be with you because he can’t imagine spending his life without you.

Post # 14
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I want to be completely honest in what I strongly believe the outcome of all this will be. Shortly after he moves to his grad school, this relationship will be over. He is not the one.

 

I feel like you are holding onto hope and clutching at straws because this is a painful reality to face. There will be someone else at the right time who will be sure and who would move heaven and earth to avoid an LDR of this nature.

Post # 15
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I just worry for you… Because some times with relationships you swim and swim and swim and fight and you still drown. You need to step back stop talking to him about this and just listen- live and let live through summer. 

 

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