- 3 years ago
My SO and I got in one of those potentially relationship-ruining fights two weeks ago, to the day. He finally got up the courage to tell me yesterday that he’d been to see a counsellor the day before. Over the past week and a half we have been communicating well, especially me. I’ve been trying really hard to share my feelings with him, even though I know they could be hurtful, because I want to be honest with him about how what he said has changed my life. For anyone who hasn’t been following my journey, it basically boils down to the fact that after nearly 3.5 years together, he said he wasn’t sure about our future. I had been talking to him about my wishes to get engaged before he leaves in 6 months, and I kind of got blindsighted by it. I asked him to clarify, because he’d previously said he wasn’t ready, and I thought he had just said that wrong, but nope. He meant it. He’s not sure.
He’s still not. But I’m okay with it, for now. I did a lot of soul searching this last week and a half, and with lots of advice from the Bee, I’d like to say we’re on the right track. After our first on the 9th, we spoke the next day and I told him I really really wasn’t over what he had said the night before, and basically told him he was wasting my time if he didn’t know after this long together (esp. after living together for almost 2 years). A few days after that I asked him if he’d been thinking about it at all, trying to make a decision, and he said that he honestly hadn’t, because he wasn’t sure how. So I tried to help him suss out some ways that he could attempt to reason with his feelings and make a decision without telling him how to feel. A few more days later, I asked him again, had he thought about it, and again, to my dismay, he said no.
I told him to speak with a friend of his who he’s close with, and he trusts, and told him that since his dad was married, and dated his mom for 10 years before they got married, maybe he should ask him, but his dad was on vacation, and his best friend doesn’t even really have marriage in his vocabulary yet. Oh, p.s. we’re 22 and 23, so I get it, not super old. But we’re about to be in an LDR, only able to see each other twice a year, and I really want to make sure we know what our relationship is, where it stands, etc. before he leaves because we’re both going to need to be committed.
Anyway, so the end-game of this is that I’m over the moon. Not because everything is fixed, but because he made an effort, did something he didn’t really want to, that was really uncomfortable for him, and did it all for us. He showed me that even though he’s not ready to make a decision, he’s ready to try, and he’s committed to sorting out what we are an where we stand. Some Bee’s might disagree with how I’m handling things, but honestly I love him too much to let him go. I firmly believe he’s the one.