He Went Without Me

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

nutmeg36:  ok….this is going to sting a little bit. This isn’t about you. Your husband is a grown man. Men have pride, and even though this doesn’t mean anything wrong with him in any way he has a right to hear things for himself first. Maybe he wants time to process. Just be there for him.

Post # 4
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

nutmeg36:  For the record I would be upset as well. We’re women, we are emotional. Plus we view it as our job to help take care of people. He may have taken it as a big blow. Just let him come around and offer to help in anyway you can and hopefully he sees that it affects you as well. Hugs xo

Post # 5
3360 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes overreacting.

He is not your child. He is your husband. A grown up does not need someone to accompany them to the Dr.

I get that you might need to adust your shopping and meals if he has diabetes, but info on how to do that is readily available without you needing to attend the Dr with him.


Post # 6
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I faced this situation last summer. FI was tested and dianosed with type I diabetes which is really rare for his age. I teach and have summers off and wanted to go, bu. FI really wanted to go himself and be able to experience whatever feelings he had without me there to ask the questions and potentially overwhelm him. I get your feelings totally because it’s a huge lifestyle change. Is it type 2? That has a brighter outlook if he can manage his health and potentially stop being diabetic. You have a right to want to feel included and I do not think you’re treating him like a child. Just know maybe he needed to face the music himself and see how it affected him emotionally. 

Post # 7
15019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d have been upset too. DH and I always go together for the same reasons, he isn’t good about asking questions or relaying information. Health issues affect us both so we agree to go together, although, it took me getting sick for this to really sink in for him as to why it’s so important. I do agree that maybe he wanted the news first for some kind of man pride thing so maybe you guys should sit down and discuss how to approach these things in the future. Maybe a second meeting with the doctor is in order so you can have the option to hear from the doc, ask your questions, and voice your concerns. 

Post # 8
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Not married yet, but I’d be mildly annoyed that he didn’t tell me. I would not have gone to the appointment as I trust FI to get his own diagnosis and treament correct.

Post # 9
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

While I am sure it would have been helpful (for you)for you to be there, the doctor phoned him and asked him to come today. DH knows you don’t have much time available to take off and the call from the doctor probably unnerved him a little , so he may not even thought of phoning you. He was likely also worried about what the doctor was going to say.

Having said all that, there is a plethora of information available on the internet these days compared to the great unknown that patients and families found themselves in years ago.

Post # 10
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry but I think you’re overreacting on this one. It is a big lifestyle change for both of you, but ultimately it is his health and his body.

Post # 11
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be upset. Something like that changes things for both of you. I get that he’s a big boy, but you’re his wife and partner. I wouldn’t give him a hard time about it, but let him know that for important appointments you would like to be there. 

Post # 12
332 posts
Helper bee

nutmeg36: I get that you wanted to be there (I can’t blame you), but he probably got caught up in the anxiety when he got the call and wasn’t thinking as levelheaded as I think you are assuming he was. Voice your concerns, and I am sure he will understand and be more mindful of your feelings the next time around. Sometimes they don’t want to inconvenience us, worry us or simply just don’t think about it. I would give him a pass, and try not to take it personal. 

On another note, my DH was diagnosed with severely high blood pressure (dangerous levels, as hypertension is genetic in his family)… He is only 31 and was put on meds, which he ultimately quit taking due to the migraines and other side effects. He ended up bringing it to very healthy and normal levels with a clean, balanced diet (he was eating like crap before) and exercising a couple times a week.

Not sure how your DHs health and fitness is, but figured I would throw that out there as someone who has been through the battles with their DH. 

Post # 13
6697 posts
Bee Keeper

Since you had discussed that it was important to you to go to this appointment,  I do think he should have kept you in the loop. I wouldn’t belabor it since it was such a last minute thing and he may have been distracted or worried.  However, if he is willing to sign releases, you can always ask to follow up and speak to the doctor yourself to ask any follow up questions you might have.  

Post # 15
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d be annoyed alright if we had specifically planned to go together. My husband is a big boy and can go to the doctor by himself but sometimes it’s nice to have support. If he said to me “Nah, I’m not worried about the appointment. I’ll see you after” that would be fine but if he had agreed that we’d go together and then went on his own I would be wondering what the Hell? My husband has a few health issues so he has had to go to the doctors quite a bit and even the hospital once or twice.

I would say to  your OH that you are 100% there for him whenever he needs some support but if he feels like he can deal by himself to just tell you and you’ll back off.

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