Post # 1
Dilemma; Out of state groomsmen is bringing his girlfriend whom we have met once. He apparently didn’t realize that he would be sitting at the head table and asked if she would too. I said that it was just for the wedding party. He expressed that she will only know three of us.
I explained that there are others in the same boat (spouses of wedding party members). He asked if I would leave an empty seat next to her so that he could spend time with her. I told him I had no idea what the seating will be like until I get all my numbers in and see where we’re at. I expressed that once dinner is over he can spend all the time he wants with her and that many would be walking around, at the bar or dancing.
He didnt respond so I’m assuming he’s upset. I get it but it’s just for the meal. He can be with her all night.
Am I way off? I know some do sweetheart tables etc but our venue isn’t very big so to take away the long table and add more rounds would make it cramped. Maybe I’m just a big b but I thought ou wedding was supposed to be what the bride and groom wanted??
Post # 3
I wouldn’t let someone who wasn’t in the wedding party sit at my head table! And I probably would not change things around just for this one person! HOWEVER; my Fiance is best man in a wedding this summer that I’m not in, and don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind that I will be eating dinner “alone”. Not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I would feel even more awkward to sit with my Fiance if that wasn’t the plan all along! It’s really not that big of a deal!
And hey… at least the Groomsmen got a plus 1!!!!!!! 😛
Post # 4
@vicozzie: There is nothing wrong with your plan. These people are both adults and will be fine dining apart. They can socialize after the dinner.
Post # 5
Well, the wedding is supposed to be what the couple wants, but the couple aren’t supposed to want to be inconsiderate of their guests. It’s just my opinion, but I think separating Bridal Party members from their SOs is borderline rude. There’s a similar thread on this topic that’s also active right now, I think.
Post # 6
@vicozzie: What you are doing is common. Granted some people don’t like it, but it’s still common, and Groomsmen and his gf need to accept it. You (or your fiance) tell him that. I don’t think it’s rude, because (like telling the groomsman what to wear) that’s how weddings are.
Sit her with people she’s likely to get on with best, which is probably people her age. It’s frustrating being the date of a bridal party member, but like you say they’re only separated for a little time.
Post # 7
Does he want to bring his girlfriend to the altar with him too, so she doesn’t have to sit alone?
A thought-will you be having any events/parties before the wedding that will include this girlfriend? If so, use the opportunity to introduce her to others that will be there on that day. And then she can sit next to them at your reception.
Post # 8
Yeah I’m not really a big fan of being away from FH especially at a wedding. For my sisters wedding she is having the bridal party sit together because some people in the bridal party don’t want to sit next to their SO or be left out without a date and at first I was upset but she said that SO’s will be sitting right behind us at the next table and FH does know the people in my family (unfortunately not names though) so hopefully he will be okay. He’s very sociable and I’m sure she can be socialble as well…it’s only dinner half the time if the music is good you wont be sitting down.
Post # 9
@imabridesmaid: HA that made me laugh!!
I am certainly not WANTING to be rude about this. Maybe it’s old school but every wedding I have ever been to has had a head table and it was for the wedding party only. I just don’t think I need to change everything up for once person. I understand everyone would prefer to sit with their significant other but it’s just dinner.I have been to weddings as the guest of a bridal party member and also just as a single guest and I got to know the people I sat with!
I figured I could seat her close to the head table so she can at least keep him in her sight and interact with him. It isn’t as though she wont see him at all, he’ll be in the same room just at a different table for a short period of time.
Knowing the drama this caused it just made me think of another one….we have a party bus picking us up from the church and taking us for pictures and to the reception. Again..wedding party but I’m guessing she will have to come along??
Post # 10
@vicozzie: Tough luck for the girlfriend! She’s an adult and shouldn’t require a babysitter. If she wants to be anti-social, then she should stay home instead of going to a wedding.
Post # 11
@vicozzie: Yeah let her ride and watch the photo session. Besides, if it’s anything like my wedding, about 3/4 of the photos are without the bridal party, so Groomsmen will be bored. You could even do individual photos of bridal party members + their dates.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Honestly, splitting up a couple just so you can have a head table is inconsiderate. As a host your job is to make your guests comfortable. Splitting up a couple is definitely not making them comfortable. They will be apart for the getting ready time, the ceremony time, the photo time, and the dinner (however long that may take with toasts and such. fwiw our dinner service took 2.5 hours for all 4 courses and 5 toasts). If this woman doesn’t know anyone, you are putting her in a very awkward, uncomfortable situation, which is not being a good host. And at the same time you will have a groomsman who is mentally detached from everything because he’s feeling bad about leaving his significant other in such an awkward position. That doesn’t sound like a “win” for anyone. If you want a day that is purely about your comfort and preferences, then elope. But the moment you start inviting people you become a host and you must concern yourself with their comforts.
Post # 13
Your plan is typical for a head table. That being said, I have never been on the receiving end of such a plan. If I was, I would not say anything to the B&G, and I would be polite to my tablemates. But it would seriously diminish the quality of my experience at the wedding. I love to hang out with my husband, and I find small talk with strangers to be pretty tedious. Yes, I’m adult and I can suck it up, but I’ve had a long week and would like to enjoy my weekend before it’s back to the grind on Monday. Plastering on a smile and making small talk with Aunt Petunia from Omaha is not my idea of a great time.
This issue, plus my desire to sit and eat quietly with my new husband, was why we decided on a sweetheart table.
Post # 14
@vicozzie: I think we’re doing a sweetheart table for this reason.
All of my wedding party will get +1s, meaning if my Maid/Matron of Honor has a boyfriend at the time, she’ll bring him. And there’s a good chance I will have never met him. It’s just awkward in general to seperate a couple. Also, being a nurse, my weekends are SO valuable because I don’t always get them. So I’d be pretty bummed if I was invited to a wedding but then was seperated from Fiance for the getting ready, ceremony, pictures AND dinner too. I feel his pain on this one.
Post # 15
Can’t you have a table just for the wedding party’s SO’s. I did that at my first wedding. It wasn’t a big deal. Head tables are usually just for the B&G and the bridal party. Never seen it mixed with SO’s mixed in there. Sometimes B&G’s sit alone at the head table and the bridal party is out with everyone else.
Post # 16
Yeah I’ve never been to a wedding with a head table. I’m sure if my Boyfriend or Best Friend was a groomsman at a wedding I would know the people enough to sit with someone else since I am crazy outgoing and he is shy, but I wouldn’t like it very much. I think PP’s are right, they aren’t just apart for dinner they are apart for many hours before that, and in all of the weddings I have been in it was really nice to see my Fiance at dinner and chat with him about the day.
We only have a Bridesmaid or Best Man and an Maid/Matron of Honor, so we are sitting with them and their SO’s at one table.