Post # 1
I know there were some posts on this about a year ot two ago and I wasn’t finding anything recent and it didn’t really have the info I was looking for.
Issue: I want a sweetheart table. My fiance and my parents are demanding a head table. Seems simle right?
My side: All of my bridesmaids except one are either engaged or married and none of their husbands or fiances actually know each other. My fiances groomsmen all have flavors of the week and can’t hold a relationship for more than a matter of minutes, so naturally none of them know each other either. I dont want to do a head table and then have two awakward tables of people who are uncomfortable being seated together while their significant others are at the front of the room. Plus people end up leaivng the head table to be with ther significant others, and where will they sit? steal someone elese chair? Drag their chair from the head table to where their SO is? (ok I am exaggerating here). We have a total of 10 in our wedding party and a total of 10 for their SO, why not seat them with the people they know and skip the head table all together? I want our wedding party and their guests to have fun. In my defense I had initially suggested to my parents a “No ring no bring” rule for the wedding to eliminate flavor of the week guests, but I was overruled by my parents saying its rude, selfish and unclassy to not let the wedding party bring guests (understandably so) but whats the point in bringing a guest if they cant even sit with them during the reception??? I understand if you are married, live with or see the person everyday that not being able to sit together for a couple hours is not that big of a deal, but for a new couple (groomsmen) that will have only recently started dating someone around the time of the wedding seems really weird to sit seperately. I know I would be upset if I was the date of one of those groomsmen and had to sit at the table in the back of the room not even in ear shot of my date. Yes, close family members get tables near the dance floor and head table, followed by family friends and our friends in the WAY back including guests of the wedding party. While I get frustrated with flavors of the week, I don’t want those poor girls getting dressed up only to feel ditched in the back of a room somewhere. So in a super long nutshell thats my side on why a head table is a bad idea.
My Fiance and my parents side: Tough! They will have to get over it, a head table is traditional and lots of weddings did it before yours and they survived. (They are not budging on this)
Any comments, suggestions, similar stories? How have you dealt with this issue.
Post # 3
We are kind of doing both. We are doing a head table that is 3 8 ft tables long, all of our bms, gms, and their dates, along with our parents will be seated at the tables to either side of us, while me and my groom will be seated in the middle table, by ourselves.
Post # 4
@jenilynevette: I even tried to propose that to them but my parents don’t want anyones back to the other wedding guests, not even the dates of the GM or BM, basicaly any idea I have is shot down unless I agree to a head table. I would love to be able to do a hybrid table of sorts especially since my Fiance’s mother is going to be sitting at what looks like a weird 3 person table. Hahah the joy’s of wedding planning! At least I have some time to figure it out, none the less annoying at this point though.
Post # 5
@jenilynevette: We are doing something similar…our sweetheart table will be in the middle and my closest people will have their table very close to us on one side…and my FI’s closest people will have his closest people sitting on their table on the other side…In this way..our closest friends and family will have easy access to us …but our moms will be on different sides from each other..it is very useful in our case.lol
Post # 6
@KristenLiz11: How many bms and gms do you have? the way my setup is, the head table only has people on 1 side of the table, facing the rest of the tables, like this :
The bottom row on the reserved tables aren’t going to be there, i just havent taken them off yet.
Post # 7
@KristenLiz11: We had a similiar issue because we had 12 people in our wedding party. We wanted to sit at a table with our friends and family, however having upwards of 30 guests at a table was not an option in our space! We chose to have 10 people at our table (wedding party members & their significant others AND a few very close friends who we really wanted to spend some time with). Our other wedding party folk were situated at nearby tables with their significant others and friends. Our family had their own table.
Really…it worked out PERFECTLY. Although we agonized on how to do it, our seating plan made everyone happy.
As far as significant others go – we did not invite “flavors of the week.” Instead, we invited bf or gf’s who were in serious relationships. We found that people understood our position. But, I would definitely, absolutely invite your guests’ significant others if they have been together 6+ months. Weddings are celebrations of love…guests will enjoy themselves more if they have their romantic partner with them! Just my opinion!
Post # 8
@jenilynevette: We have 5 bridesmaids, 5-6 groomsmens and their significant others, so all in all 20-21 for the wedidng party and their guests (22-23 if you include us). That would be a long one sided table so we would have to split it up into multiple tables not sure if my fam would go for that. The head table would only be 12-13 people if we do not sit the wedding party with their SO.
Post # 9
@kmurti: The only problem is my parents and fiance are stuck on “traditional” wedding set up’s. So they think the only way to do this is a traditional head table with the bride and groom, bridesmaids and groomsmen without the SO’s. My struggle has been to get them to see my side of it. They demade that the groomsmen get +1 regardless of how long they are together, ok fine, I agreed to that but at the same time my parents are refusing anything but the head table. So now the random +1 have to sit far away. I just wish I could find a way for them to see that “traditional” weddings are a thing of the past, especially when it comes to seating.
Post # 10
@KristenLiz11: I am confused as to why you can’t just pull the bride card on this one?
Actually for our wedding the hubby and I told ourselves we each get like 3mental trump cards…and we must use them wisely. My hubby used one of his on the cake…I got my way with the sweetheart table (best decision for us by the way). ….I am not sure we used them for much else….I don’t know what would have happened if we pulled the trump card for the same issue…back to square one I guess.
Honestly, it’s your wedding too….and believe me, if you do everything traditional (like cross all your “t” and dot all the “i” traditional) then you may not enjoy your wedding because it will then be cookie cutter and un-you.
So my advice…pull out your Bride Trump card….and just throw a fit if you have to (lol).
Anyways, I understand your parents are paying for the wedding (are they paying for all?)…but what makes them think they can tell you what you are having for your wedding? That’s wrong! They had theirs, they should let you have yours!
Post # 11
@KingsDaughter: No my parents aren’t paying for it all. My parents are just paying for the food and the one hour of open bar. My fiance and I have to spend about $10,000 towards the wedding, money that should be going towards either our student loans or a home deposit. That in it’s self should be a trump card! LOL. We are putting off our future to pay for a party that they demanded we have so I should at least get the table set up the way I want, on the other hand my fiance doesn’t want a sweetheart table and so maybe i’ll let this be his trump card and Ill throw mine down when everyone least expects it. My sister eloped in June and didnt tell anyone because she wanted to avoid planning a wedding with my parents, so not only do we have to deal with usual parent stuff but my parents are trying to cram two weddings worth of fun into this one because they are hurt and feel left out that my sister eloped.
Post # 12
As someone who was just a bridesmaid in a wedding last weekend with a head table, I vote NO head table!! They are awkward and annoying especially because the bride and groom usually arent sitting there for more than 10 minutes, as they are mingling with guests.
We did a sweatheart table and it was fine!
Post # 13
@KristenLiz11: OMG we’re having the same problem! I want a sweetheart, he wants a head table. We don’t have room for people’s dates, and a lot of the dates won’t know anyone else 🙁
Post # 14
@KristenLiz11: We did a sweetheart table for exactly the reasons you list!
Your bridal party already stands out in their attire, they don’t need to be on display with you the entire wedding – you and your DH are the center of attention!
We wanted our bridal party to be able to sit and eat dinner with their SO’s and children AND we got married on a yacht so seating 14 people together was going to be annoying – a sweetheart table gave us the best of both worlds and everyone was happy!
I highly recommend a sweetheart table. Ask your parents to be empathetic to the situation and tell them it only makes sense to have a sweetheart table and let everyone sit with the ones they love!
Post # 15
@KristenLiz11: neither my FI nor I want a head table…for the same reasons you mentioned. I have no idea how I’m gonna set up the seating though. I’m totally on your side!
Post # 16
@KristenLiz11: oh my dear. I think your sister had a point in this one. If your parents are like this (I sorta looked over your other posts), I too would have eloped, also coupled with the fact that you , yourself, don’t see the need or point to spend money for a wedding. Is it too late for you if you did want to elope? I almost did elope, well really thought about it…and I actually wanted a wedding..and spending over 10k was worth it for me..but if it wasn’t , an elopement would be a great choice….sounds like you are not getting anything you want out of this wedding. Please tell me good news and say you get what you want….something, anything. ..