Post # 1
My fiance and I are so excited to be married and know each other intimately, but I have a few questions about what to expect on our honeymoon.
He is a virgin and (this might sound like TMI but I think it’s relevant to the question) he has never attempted to bring himself to orgasm. (This isn’t to say that he is not interested in sex, by any means! I have no idea how we are going to wait for wedding haha, but I’m sure we won’t regret successfully waiting.)
When we are finally able to have sex, will everything be natural for him? Will he just know what to do in order for everything to function?
I guess my curiosity stems from the differences between men and women: I have LEARNED how I need to touch certain areas to climax, by myself, but he has not.
Do men need to learn about their bodies in order to enjoy their first sexual experiences or is that more of a female thing? Is it just as enjoyable for men the first time as any other?
Thanks, in advance, for any replies 🙂
Post # 3
Well, there’s no phyiological way that he hasn’t been turned on before, so I don’t think you have to worry about that. But, you need to have a healthy expectation that it will take time for you two to experiment and get to know each other’s bodies. Since you know more about your body than his (you have experimented by yourself, yes? Because that is going to be key to letting him know what to do for you), you will at least be able to handle some guidance on that end.Expect him to come almost immediately the first few times. And honestly, him masterbating is really important for him to understand his own body and to be able to slow things down a bit so that you can also climax. I think it’s a disadvantage that he’s never done that.
I think the most important thing is that you guys talk as you are doing your experimentation – “yes, that’s awesome!”, “a little up/down/to the left/right”. The few friends I have that waited until marriage (with husbands like yours that did not masterbate) were so embarrassed/uncomfortable by/with sex that they found this impossible to do, but it’s really so key. Just like with all things in a marriage, communication is the absolute most important thing! From the alternative terms you use in your post that really beat around the bush (so to speak), i’m worried that you’ve never been able to talk about sex very openly with others (as was the norm where I grew up as well – Bible Belt of Texas!). Try and break free of that with your husband – you guys need to know how to get the most out of sex for each other!
Post # 4
@crayfish: Hey, thanks for the input!
I guess I was trying to be somewhat discreet, not knowing how much detail could be given in these forums, and probably sounded completely green!
One major hurdle that we have passed is that I feel confident in my knowledge of my own body. I have experimented by myself. I’m just wondering if learning what feels good, for him, would take as long as it did for me… I spent years getting to know my own anatomy! Maybe it’s just more of an instinct for men?
Post # 5
I’m pretty sure it’s going to feel good for him really quickly. Most men are able to climax MUCH easier than women. I think that you should be prepared to NOT climax through intercourse at first. BUT, you can take the oportunity to show him how to please you other ways. Have fun!
Post # 6
@CorkyB: I think you can rest easy! 😉 1. Men are wayyy easier to ‘get off’ than women, if you will. DH says that it’s pretty much always been great for him, right off the bat. Unfortunately, not every woman has this experience.
Do you sound green? Yes. Is that a bad thing? Maybe not! You said yourself that you know a lot about your body and this is a great thing! I think you may be your future hubby’s best teacher. You know what you like or can at least have a good estimate when it comes to sex.
I think it’s great you guys have waited, just know that you need to have open communication about sex even now if it’s possible. Lower your expecations and go into it hoping to have a good time, slowly and gently at first and listen to your body’s own pain or signals as you go. You may experience some pain… :/ i did. Just take it easy and relax. It won’t be perfect but it does get better!
Post # 7
My husband and I were both virgins too, and it was definitely worth the wait for us. That being said, we had some stuff to figure out on our wedding night, and we were both nervous. It really helped a lot that he told me that he didn’t have any expectations, and that if I felt we couldn’t get to everything in one night, he was fine with it. That took so much pressure off of me. Off of both of us actually. Try not rush (not the easiest thing to do when you’ve been waiting for so long!) and really take the time to figure each other’s bodies out before going straight to sex. And don’t expect everything to be perfect the first time- we were anything but. It’s awkward learning what to do and when to do it. Every married couple I know has said that it only gets better with time, so just keep that in mind and try to enjoy your wedding night for what it is- a wonderful intimate time with your new husband and an expression of love for him.
Post # 8
@CorkyB: Are you sure he’s being honest? Maybe he’s embarassed to talk about this stuff…..it doesn’t seem normal for a man to have never reached climax—even with steel willpower there are nocturnal happenings that he doesn’t have any control over….
If this is the truth…he may have to go to the doctor, there could be something wrong with the plumbing
Post # 9
@sylvia.riggle: I am sure that he is being honest… we feel very free to talk about these things.
I’m not saying he’s never ejactulated by “nocturnal happenings,” he has confirmed that, the plumbing is fine. He has just never masturbated. Does something have to be wrong with him simply because he has never done that?
It’s much easier to forgo masturbation if you’ve never experienced it. I wouldn’t expect a man to be able to abstain from it if he’s known what it’s like.
Post # 10
My fiance and I are waiting too (just 3 months left though, yay!)
I highly recommend the book “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman. It was really awesome, and FI and I read it together! Well, we read the chapters that were for “engaged couples”. Some of the stuff is meant for couples that are already married. It’s really good though!
Good luck with your waiting expedition. 🙂 It’ll be sooo worth it!
Post # 11
@Valerita: Thanks for the suggestion! I hope all goes well for you and your husband to be, when the time comes to try it all out 🙂
Post # 12
I commend you for waiting. It’s great to hear how concerned you are about him. How about for you? what are your expectations? I remember my first few times not being very pleasant. It was actually pretty painful, so just make sure you take things slow and you might want to bring lube!
Post # 13
For the woman, intercourse initally tends to be…uncomfortable at first.
Since your fiance has never masturbated and hasn’t trained himself to wait to go, I think there’s a possibility that he may get very excited very quickly, and could experience premature ejaculation.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2012 - Watch tower lodge, Black hawk state Park Rock Island, IL
expect to stumble a little bit at first, both of you, but thats part of the fun is learning what to do , and what feels good and what doesnt, warning the first time a woman has sex it can be painful and you may bleed( somtimes alot) so here are my tips.
1.go slow! make sure you “preheat the oven” lots of touching and exploring, oral sex is great if your both comfortable with it
2. have a towel down on the bed because like i said you may bleed if you are a virgin
3. make sure he goes slow when there is actual penetration it will help ease pain and calm the nerves
4. talk to each other and if you have to stop a few min in then stop! try again a few hours later or in the morning.
5. relax!!!! the more tense you are the more uncomfortable it can be.
6. realize that you will stumble through it and learn to laugh…..
hope this helps. 🙂 ( im studying to be a sex therapist)
Post # 15
Good for you! I had originally wanted to wait for marriage and wish I would’ve stuck to it. But my FI and I love eachother and we’re doing a few month abstinence period before the wedding lol! 🙂
Sex the first time tends to be uncomfortable for the woman (on varying levels, person to person). I recommend..
1) LUBE! Lol, packing a good, water based lubricant (I actually found “warming” ones to be very effective), and have him put this on before you begin having sex.
2) Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Reeeeeally helps, especially the first time. Do things that turn eachother on, and if you don’t know what those are yet, your honeymoon is a good time to find out 😉 Tease him, play around, massage, you get the idea.
3) tell him to go slooooow…and relax! I thought sex would just “come naturally” lol, but I found that I was tightening up down there because I was a little nervous. So, be concious of that and just breathe and let yourself open. Make sure he goes slow though at first. My FI even stayed inside of me for several minutes, without moving much, just to allow my body to adjust. This really helped me.
4) Like the others said, don’t be afraid to talk to eachother through things! Tell him what’s comfortable for you and what’s not.
As far as expectations go, don’t be too hard on yourselves the first time. First time is new and a little uncomfortable for everyone. Relax! You will get into the swing of things and you both will eventually know what the other one likes and doesn’t like (good communication is a must:) Congrats girl!! Happy Honeymoon!