Heart Broken Bee

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sorry this happened to you. That was a total dick move on his part. *internet hugs*

Post # 4
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@ScienceGeekgirl:  I am SO sorry that happened.  I’m shocked that he presented the ring and, at *that* moment, changed his mind.

*hugs*

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

WOW, that’s really horrible and cold.  I know you love him, obviously if you would have married him, but he’s completely not worth it…if he got cold feet so much that he said “we MAY get engaged some day” I think that really means never.  I think you need reassess whether this is the type of man you want to be with.  hugs to you!

Post # 6
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

Sorry to hear he presented the ring and chickened out and pretended it wasn’ THE ring.  Hugs.  He may have felt some pressue according to the fact it was an imprtant day but he should have known his feelings in the moments leading up to the meal to not get the ring box out…  I hope he understands how unfair on you that was. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

🙁 All I can say is wow. He should have kept it in his pocket. The actions were rude and inconsiderate of your feelings. Still, we don’t know your relationship with him and how you two communicate so you need to have a serious conversation with him about this disappointment without arguing. He needs to explain why he got cold feet. Then you decide if he’s worth the extra wait. You don’t want to end up being strung along waiting for a man that has no intentions of marrying you (which is what you want). And don’t let him persuade you otherwise.

Post # 8
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow! I would be so hurt and honestly pretty pissed. If he wasn’t sure then he shouldn’t have given it to you, thats just like twisting the knife. How long have guys been together?

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s appallingly insensitive behaviour. If he had any doubts whatsoever (like even vague doubts) he should have kept the ring box firmly in his pocket. To present you with an engagement ring and then backtrack is an awful thing to do. I’d be seriously considering my future with someone that did this, to be honest. I’d not want to keep the ring either even as a gift.

I’ve never known anyone else experience this either. I know people whose SO’s refused to propose despite hints to the contrary and I’ve known people who got a proposal and then waited a ludicrous number of years to get married (23 years in the case of one friend!) because their SO’s thought they could keep them hanging on and off their backs if they got engaged. But I’ve never known anyone presented with a ring that suddenly turned into “just a gift”. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

How horrible!! I would be pissed… I don’t even know how I would react!

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ouch. I would feel really hurt. I am sorry I don’t have any advice of what to do except to talk him and tell him how you feel. I mean, it won’t change how he feels, but I would honestly give him the ring back for sure.

Post # 12
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@melbgirl:  +1

Wow. I am so sorry this happened to you, but like a PP said, I would reconsider the relationship. It will take a long time to recover from this unfortunately, and will you be happy just “dating” knowing it may never go anywhere? :/ ::Hugs::

Post # 13
Member
8914 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@ScienceGeekgirl:  I’m really sorry that he pulled such a bait and switch on you.  So he pretended it was just a “regular” diamond ring?!  Wow.

How long have you two been together?  Maybe he was really feeling pressured into marriage, thought he was ready, and needed the clarity of that moment to realize that he’s really not ready….  If it’s only been a year or two, I’d try to forgive him and understand from his perspective – he’s just not ready.  If that’s a dealbreaker for you, so be it.

If you guys have been together for a WHILE (and I know everyone’s different…), than it’s less understandable.

Post # 14
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@ScienceGeekgirl:  Wow, that is HORRIBLE. I am sorry, but if when it actually came to the reality of engagement and marriage and he got cold feet, then you need to leave. You “may” get engaged “someday”? I am sorry, but it is never going to happen. Even if he wasn’t ready, he should have had the presence of mind, love, and respect for you to have realized it before and not let you have gone through that much pain. That was completely scummy, and you deserve a man who would work hard not to do that to you. You need to leave this guy, he is never going to be ready.

Post # 15
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Steampunkbride:  + a million.

I rarely come into threads and say “leave that guy”, because I feel like that is advice that gets thrown around on here a lot.

But…

Leave that guy.

Girl, you deserve more. A lot of people get cold feet. Really great men can get nervous or unsure for various reasons. However, someone who cares so little for your feelings that he will back track at such an important moment is not worth the heartache. Personally, I could never get over someone ruining such a special night. I’m sorry lady. Internet hugs.

Post # 16
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wait… he took you out to a special place for your dating anniversary, presented you with a diamond ring, and then TOOK IT BACK and said IT DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING? 

Oh, hell no.

If he’s not ready to get married, cool – move on.  Move out, move away, move on with your life.  That is a dick move if I’ve ever seen one.  Go ahead and keep him in your life if you believe he might be ready someday but don’t believe for a second it’ll be anytime soon. 

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