- 7 years ago
This a long post but I really could use your honest advice here about a MAJOR talk we had last night and I think I’ve pretty much issued an ultimatum. Just a little background: I’ve been with my SO for 5 years now, he’s the love of my life and treats me amazingly. We’re both 30, professionals and have no finanical issues. Let me be clear that I have NO DOUBT he wants to marry me and loves me. BUT this is a classic case of a man who loves a woman deeply but for WHATEVER reason has been dragging his feet. And I really feel that I am to blame for that because I haven’t taken a stand.
For the past few years I’ve discussed marriage with himand he has always told me he wants to marry me and that it will happen when the time is right. Up until now, I knew he was saving money for us so I really didn’t pressure him. Each year would pass and nothing would happen in terms of some type of progress.
Last year I started to get really anxious since it seemed that NOTHING was happening so I had several conversations with him over the course of last year. He promised me we would be married by Dec. 2011 and that he would do something this year. Let me just say that he is a man of his word so I truly believed based on conversations we’ve had that we would be engaged by this summer. But recently I sensed that it would not happen this summer–and my sense was right.
So, last night I broke down and told him that I just didn’t know when something would happen. I told him I felt pressure from my family but that I was also running out of patience. I told him that I’m 30 and life is just passing me by. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but that he couldnt tell me when we would be married, but that it would be in the near future (not years from now). He basically said his family is going through a financial crisis. I asked him what that has to do with us since we have SO much money saved up. I feel that each year it’s a different reason to push things back. I said I couldn’t think of one reason why we cannot be at least engaged at this point. And he really did not have an answer for me–he just kept repeating that he promised we would be married. But for whatever reason he just could NOT give me a time. We ended up getting into a huge fight and I walked away, went home and balled my eyes out.
Then he calls me several times last night telling me how much he misses me/loves me and that he would do anything and whatever it takes to be with me. I told him thaT I truly have been patient and I believed him when he told me last year that this would be our year. I told him that if he’s serious about us then something has to happen in the next few months–as he had promised me before that it would. He asked me if I’m giving him a deadline and I said no, but that I really need to see SOME progress in this relationship, at least a step forward after 5 years together. He kept saying that he wants everything to be perfect and the right circumstances to be present when we get married. I told him that life is messy and that although I feel terrible for his familys’ problems, I really don’t see what it has to do with us since we are independed in every way. I reminded him that people get engaged/married in the WORSt of circumstances.
So he told me he would talk to his family (who are abroad) and try to get them to come here sooner to meet my family. And he keeps promising me he’ll do something soon. All i Know is I have to stand my ground and tell him that if something doesnt happen soon, that will be my answer. I still feel like he’s not giving me a clear answer about whether or not there will be some progress. He just told me that I would see when we’re married and have kids that I was worrying for nothing. I asked him if it was “now or never” for us in terms of getting engaged and married what would he do? He said he would marry me if it came to that–which tells me that for whatever reason he is dragging his feet and I’m the one who needs to take a stand here.
It’s so frustrating because I feel like I backed him into a corner but at the same time, I have to keep my interests in mind. After all, I compromised for him and waited for years when he asked me to wait….and now all I’m asking for is some progress.
Ladies, do you think what I did was wrong or that I was in the right for really just putting him on the spot, given that years have come and gone and NOTHING has happened?