Heartbroken. My worst nightmare

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Koifish:  I am so sorry you are feeling this way! My FI and I will have been together for 9 years when we are married!! To me school is a #1 priority and you should be happy for your SO to go back and finish school! I think it is awesome that he is doing that!  I can totally understand why you are upset though because you are ready and excited for the next stage in your life.  Maybe you can talk to your SO and express to him that you were excited to get engaged.  Maybe you two could have a long engagement and start planning once he is out of school!! 

Post # 4
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am so sorry 🙁 I mean fair enough for waiting until he is done with school, I get that. But if you are ready to make that next step in commitment to each other, getting engaged, why not go ahead and get engaged? But I do understand his wanting to be done with school before making the leap.

FI and I will be waiting until I am finished my grad degree, been engaged nearly two years, so been together nearly five years now, no wedding date set yet, so I understand how you feel! It is very frustrating having to put all your plans and dreams on hold. But this gives you more time to plan out your dream wedding, so when you do get engaged you can go out and book the places you want almost right away!

Good for your SO for going back to school!

Post # 5
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@Koifish:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine what a disappointment this must be for you and am sending you lots of internet hugs.

I don’t really understand the dilemma regarding getting engaged right now. I understand that with your SO going back to school paying for a wedding could be hard to handle, and so it would make sense to postpone that if necessary. However, does he have an issue with having a long engagement? Especially since he already has the ring, I feel like a long engagement could make sense for the two of you. It’d give you peace of mind that your relationship is progressing and if you agree not to get married for a few years, that would take the pressure off of planning a wedding while your SO is in school.

Post # 6
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Koifish:  That’s a BS excuse. Lots of people marry while they’re in school.

Post # 7
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Jacqui90:  & @MissMarple:  agreed!

@Koifish:  I’m sorry this was just sprung on you. Had you discussed the possibility of him going back to school together? 

By the time we get married in 2015, my FI and I will have been together for 11 years. Having gone through undergrad, grad school, now law school, and some intermittent years of work throughout, I can understand why your SO would want to postpone the marriage. I’ve put a lot of pressure and stagnation on my FI’s life due to my collection of degrees, as he calls it, so I understand both sides. It’s really hard to think about marriage when you’re in school.

Having said that, if he has the ring, why not get engaged and plan for a long engagement? 

 

Post # 8
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

@paula1248:  I tend to agree…….At first I was thinking, well, that makes sense because he wouldn’t be able to buy a ring, but he already *has* the ring?! Why not have a long engagement? I’m sorry OP,but I think something else might be going on here. I think he’s stalling and you guys need to have a talk. 

Post # 9
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@Koifish:  What if he would propose and you guys could just have a long engagement? Express to him, as PP’s have stated, that you would love to go to the next step in becoming engaged, etc. AND there’s a HUGE chance that you wil be doing most of the planning anyways so it really wouldn’t matter that he is in school while you guys get married. You can have a delayed honeymoon or do it on one of his breaks from school. Just talk to him about it. Tell him how you are feeling! 🙂 If he has the ring already, why not just have a long engagement?

 

Post # 10
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He already has the ring. I dont see a reason to wait to be engaged… I’m sorry… Hopefully he is just trying to throw you off 🙁

Post # 11
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow, he was that close to proposing and then pushed it back two years? There’s nothing wrong with dating 6+ years before marrying, but it sounds like something else is going on here. Do you think he may not feel ready to be engaged? 

Post # 12
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@paula1248:  I think if the couple would like to have a larger or fancier wedding and the couple’s families are not planning to help pay for it, then it likely makes sense to postpone the wedding. A lot of times, going back to school means not just lost potential income from unemployment, but also incurring debt, and I think it’s perfectly understandable that being on more solid financial footing would be preferable before getting married. I guess that’s why I wouldn’t necessarily call postponing the wedding itself BS, but I do agree that that has no influence on the engagement if her SO has the ring already, as I expressed earlier.

Post # 13
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wait, why can’t you get engaged? Is he selling the ring back to pay for school?  I’m pretty lost since he already has the ring. 

 

PS. Hubby and I are still in grad school, but we are married. We had a super small church wedding and didn’t spend any money on it. I wanted a larger wedding, but I wanted to get married more. No regrates. 

Post # 14
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have to admit, I’m confused too… If he has the ring, what’s the problem?  My husband and I got engaged when I was in my first year of a master’s program and he was in his 3rd year of medical school.  We got married right before we both graduated.  Planning a wedding while in school was hard, and we had to keep it pretty cheap.. but it was totally doable…

I really hope he’s trying to throw you off!

Post # 16
Member
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds shady. If he has the ring, why couldn’t you be engaged 2 years?

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