I came across this board post on the knot this morning, and I'm having mixed feelings about it.
As a quick overview (if you don't want to read all of the posts), a Ph.D. student asked if anyone else would be using a portion of their student loans to pay for their wedding. She got two very distinct opinions from the people that posted.
You're right, it did get pretty nasty. But, I'm not interested re-creating that here. I'm curious what other engaged students are feeling about budgeting for their wedding.
Gotta agree with the folks who said that taking out loans for a wedding is a terrible idea. Someone actually just resurrected a thread from a few months about someone who was thinking about doing the same thing: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/despair-cancel-wedding
Not sure what some of the people were talking about how being a grad student is a totally different world. It's not. It's like any other job where you don't make much money, that's all. A wedding is like anything else, where you shouldn't spend beyond your means *shrug*
I agree that it's a really bad idea to take out a loan to plan your wedding. Maybe being poor when you're a student is a way to tell you to wait until you're older to get married! :)
I know MANY people who have taken loans out, and I understand why.
I guess I wouldn't do it, but you'd be foolish to think that thousands of other people haven't. Tons of people do, I think it just depends on their comfort level with debt. Obviously most Americans are comfortable with a lot of debt, if you look in the news.
I am a student, and I have extra loan money that will be going towards our wedding. However, I am not going to take more money out to put towards the wedding. I think many people's ideas of where money is coming from may be a bit skewed: not everyone's family contributes (or can contribute) monitarily. To each his/her own!
The women on that site are scary. Yeesh. I'm surprised I made it through the threads without reading the phrase 'I know you are, but what am I?' Hahah.
Personally, I just took out a $4000 'personal' loan from the bank to cover our wedding costs. I understand that debt is bad, but there was no other way we were going to come up with the money before our big day, and it's really important to us that things are done right. [Not because of the whole frilly-dress thing; our families rarely get together, and we are both STOKED to have our friends and fams in one place.]
On the debt note though, I never would've taken the loan out if I didn't know that I'll be getting back at least that much at tax time; so, even if we get no money at the wedding, I won't be in debt for more than a few months. :]
I think it is wrong specially to use STUDENT loans to pay for a wedding. That money is supposed to be used to support you in things related to your education. It is unfair to use the money toward things that are not, like a wedding, as essentially you are taking the money from others who may need it for its intended purpose. Basically, you get to have a wedding at the expense of someone else's education.<
As for whether you should take our a regular loan to pay for a wedding, I am in the no camp for myself. I cant see starting a new life together with that kind of stress!
I don't think I would ever judge someone's personal character based upon how they choose to pay for their own wedding. Gimme a break, that's ridiculous and a waste of time. I say, if you are going to take a loan out, do it and don't ask people if they think it's okay. Obviously, most people will say "don't go into debt to finance a party".
If money is left over from a student loan, that money has already been allocated to them. The best way for them to spend the rest is to pay back their loan...which has absolutely no bearing on how much others would receive (someone else's education) in the future.
If one has to take out a loan (or utilize money from a leftover loan), that may be better than putting the wedding on a credit card. That is of course if the percetages are higher with the credit card. Not everyone has unconditional monetary resources (parents) they can tap into, so if you really want to get married, you have to utilize what's available.
But, the point could be made that a loan is not available money. Also, why is it that when people CAN afford to have the wedding that they want people assume that it's because they have parents who are helping? That's not always true.
Like KateMW, I'm surprised by the number of inferred references to parents/family paying for the wedding- sometimes people save and have a smaller wedding with their own money. We're both in school and paid our own way.
I wouldn't judge a person because of how they finance their wedding (or anything else), but I don't see a problem with expressing an opinion about whether some choices might be better than others. That said, the Kn*t is scary and I avoid it like the plague
I think how people choose to finance the things in their life is thier choice. What's right for someone might not be right for someone else so do whatever you feel is appropriate. However, I work with a few people that took massive student loans and are having trouble now making the payments because the job market wasn't what it once was. I think their advice would be to try to keep your loans to a minimum because you might not make as much money as you think when you graduate.
I had a friend who used student loan money for her wedding. I did think it was a bad idea, but her only alternative was to have no wedding at all (just a courthouse-type thing) or wait until she finished 6+ years of grad school. I couldn't exactly advise her that her (modest) dream wedding wasn't gonna happen because she was on a crappy stipend.
She was in a situation where there was no way her stipend could support her cost of living (ie rent for a modest apt with roommates, groceries, etc.)- nevermind a wedding. She didn't have an extravagent wedding- but it was just what she wanted and the happiest day of her life.
I kind of feel that your life shouldn't have to be on hold while you are a graduate student. The student loans are to support you through your education (ie not just to pay tuition) and if you get married during that time, then you could put the money towards that.
Private educational loans aren't like scholarships- it's not like she was taking money that could be used for someone else's schooling and spending it on her wedding.
I agree with the 'to each his/her own' statement. Sometimes you have to let people make their own decisions and deal with the consequences.
I totally agree with everything peihan17 just said. I am trying (perhaps unsuccessfully) to convey that everyone pays for their wedding in different ways. I am definitely not judging as to where money comes from!
Theoretically, student loans are to fund your education. However, I have lots of friends (and a husband!) who admit to taking out student loans for other purposes. DH got one his last year in grad school simply because he knew he would have expenses related to starting work (new clothes, moving, renting an apartment in a new city) for which he didn't have the money). My sister got one partway through grad school because she had an internship in DC, and didn't really have the clothes for it. I'm not sure how using a student loan at Ann Taylor is any better or worse than using it to help pay for your wedding.
That said, it's always a good idea to think hard about how you're going to pay back the money you borrow, and to what extent you really need it.
I thought student loans worked a little bit different then they do (obviously!), so my feeling on using them to pay for a wedding has changed a bit (in the last hour ). I still do not think it is the best idea, but as everyone has been saying, its your choice how you pay for your wedding - and not anyone elses business!
I really think this is a touchy subject. Honestly, I could care less how anyone else paid for their wedding. My parents paid for most of it, we saved a good amount, and some things definitely went on credit cards. I think unless you have the cash, any debt is the same, no matter where it came from. You have to pay it all back someday. And student loans are the one thing they really do have to pay back. And it has the lowest interest rate. If you think about it, many people take out equity loans on their homes for things unrelated to their homes, like new cars....whats the difference? I just don't care what someone else does with their own financial situation, unless they come to me asking for money!
I also don't think its right for people to tell someone else not to do it. She only went on to ask if anyone else was doing it. If she is comfortable with that, who cares? She shouldn't be lectured and/or judged for that. If she is on her way to getting her PHd, chances are she'll be able to pay it back, and I can't imagine she is taking out a $20k loan for the wedding. I mean, even a car can be a frivolous expense, considering you can buy a car for $5000 as opposed to $25k, and who pays cash for that?
I came across this board post on the knot this morning, and I'm having mixed feelings about it.
As a quick overview (if you don't want to read all of the posts), a Ph.D. student asked if anyone else would be using a portion of their student loans to pay for their wedding. She got two very distinct opinions from the people that posted.
http://talk.theknot.com/BOARDS/Main_frame.aspx?page=ShowPost.aspx?PostID=54859537&forumid=9
What does everyone think about this?
posted by smkarl 40 posts 3 months agoI am not even going to bother to read it since it's a Knot thread, I'm sure it's getting ugly. :) Let's not have that here!
posted by KateMW 483 posts 3 months agoYou're right, it did get pretty nasty. But, I'm not interested re-creating that here. I'm curious what other engaged students are feeling about budgeting for their wedding.
posted by smkarl 40 posts 3 months agoGotta agree with the folks who said that taking out loans for a wedding is a terrible idea. Someone actually just resurrected a thread from a few months about someone who was thinking about doing the same thing: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/despair-cancel-wedding
Not sure what some of the people were talking about how being a grad student is a totally different world. It's not. It's like any other job where you don't make much money, that's all. A wedding is like anything else, where you shouldn't spend beyond your means *shrug*
posted by peihan17 222 posts 3 months agoI agree that it's a really bad idea to take out a loan to plan your wedding. Maybe being poor when you're a student is a way to tell you to wait until you're older to get married! :)
posted by KateMW 483 posts 3 months agoI know MANY people who have taken loans out, and I understand why.
I guess I wouldn't do it, but you'd be foolish to think that thousands of other people haven't. Tons of people do, I think it just depends on their comfort level with debt. Obviously most Americans are comfortable with a lot of debt, if you look in the news.
posted by kenziegirl 59 posts 3 months agoI am a student, and I have extra loan money that will be going towards our wedding. However, I am not going to take more money out to put towards the wedding. I think many people's ideas of where money is coming from may be a bit skewed: not everyone's family contributes (or can contribute) monitarily. To each his/her own!
posted by Lynzee 21 posts 3 months agoThe women on that site are scary. Yeesh. I'm surprised I made it through the threads without reading the phrase 'I know you are, but what am I?' Hahah.
Personally, I just took out a $4000 'personal' loan from the bank to cover our wedding costs. I understand that debt is bad, but there was no other way we were going to come up with the money before our big day, and it's really important to us that things are done right. [Not because of the whole frilly-dress thing; our families rarely get together, and we are both STOKED to have our friends and fams in one place.]
On the debt note though, I never would've taken the loan out if I didn't know that I'll be getting back at least that much at tax time; so, even if we get no money at the wedding, I won't be in debt for more than a few months. :]
posted by lily1223 59 posts 3 months agoI think it is wrong specially to use STUDENT loans to pay for a wedding. That money is supposed to be used to support you in things related to your education. It is unfair to use the money toward things that are not, like a wedding, as essentially you are taking the money from others who may need it for its intended purpose. Basically, you get to have a wedding at the expense of someone else's education.<
As for whether you should take our a regular loan to pay for a wedding, I am in the no camp for myself. I cant see starting a new life together with that kind of stress!
posted by jcabc 103 posts 3 months agoI don't think I would ever judge someone's personal character based upon how they choose to pay for their own wedding. Gimme a break, that's ridiculous and a waste of time. I say, if you are going to take a loan out, do it and don't ask people if they think it's okay. Obviously, most people will say "don't go into debt to finance a party".
posted by carly7215 66 posts 3 months agoIf money is left over from a student loan, that money has already been allocated to them. The best way for them to spend the rest is to pay back their loan...which has absolutely no bearing on how much others would receive (someone else's education) in the future.
If one has to take out a loan (or utilize money from a leftover loan), that may be better than putting the wedding on a credit card. That is of course if the percetages are higher with the credit card. Not everyone has unconditional monetary resources (parents) they can tap into, so if you really want to get married, you have to utilize what's available.
posted by Lynzee 21 posts 3 months agoBut, the point could be made that a loan is not available money. Also, why is it that when people CAN afford to have the wedding that they want people assume that it's because they have parents who are helping? That's not always true.
posted by KateMW 483 posts 3 months agoLike KateMW, I'm surprised by the number of inferred references to parents/family paying for the wedding- sometimes people save and have a smaller wedding with their own money. We're both in school and paid our own way.
I wouldn't judge a person because of how they finance their wedding (or anything else), but I don't see a problem with expressing an opinion about whether some choices might be better than others. That said, the Kn*t is scary and I avoid it like the plague
posted by peihan17 222 posts 3 months agoI think how people choose to finance the things in their life is thier choice. What's right for someone might not be right for someone else so do whatever you feel is appropriate. However, I work with a few people that took massive student loans and are having trouble now making the payments because the job market wasn't what it once was. I think their advice would be to try to keep your loans to a minimum because you might not make as much money as you think when you graduate.
posted by roseskier1 65 posts 3 months agoI had a friend who used student loan money for her wedding. I did think it was a bad idea, but her only alternative was to have no wedding at all (just a courthouse-type thing) or wait until she finished 6+ years of grad school. I couldn't exactly advise her that her (modest) dream wedding wasn't gonna happen because she was on a crappy stipend.
She was in a situation where there was no way her stipend could support her cost of living (ie rent for a modest apt with roommates, groceries, etc.)- nevermind a wedding. She didn't have an extravagent wedding- but it was just what she wanted and the happiest day of her life.
I kind of feel that your life shouldn't have to be on hold while you are a graduate student. The student loans are to support you through your education (ie not just to pay tuition) and if you get married during that time, then you could put the money towards that.
Private educational loans aren't like scholarships- it's not like she was taking money that could be used for someone else's schooling and spending it on her wedding.
I agree with the 'to each his/her own' statement. Sometimes you have to let people make their own decisions and deal with the consequences.
posted by rosychicklet 312 posts 3 months agoI totally agree with everything peihan17 just said. I am trying (perhaps unsuccessfully) to convey that everyone pays for their wedding in different ways. I am definitely not judging as to where money comes from!
posted by Lynzee 21 posts 3 months agoTheoretically, student loans are to fund your education. However, I have lots of friends (and a husband!) who admit to taking out student loans for other purposes. DH got one his last year in grad school simply because he knew he would have expenses related to starting work (new clothes, moving, renting an apartment in a new city) for which he didn't have the money). My sister got one partway through grad school because she had an internship in DC, and didn't really have the clothes for it. I'm not sure how using a student loan at Ann Taylor is any better or worse than using it to help pay for your wedding.
That said, it's always a good idea to think hard about how you're going to pay back the money you borrow, and to what extent you really need it.
posted by suzanno 1,978 posts 3 months agoI thought student loans worked a little bit different then they do (obviously!), so my feeling on using them to pay for a wedding has changed a bit (in the last hour
). I still do not think it is the best idea, but as everyone has been saying, its your choice how you pay for your wedding - and not anyone elses business!
posted by jcabc 103 posts 3 months agoI really think this is a touchy subject. Honestly, I could care less how anyone else paid for their wedding. My parents paid for most of it, we saved a good amount, and some things definitely went on credit cards. I think unless you have the cash, any debt is the same, no matter where it came from. You have to pay it all back someday. And student loans are the one thing they really do have to pay back. And it has the lowest interest rate. If you think about it, many people take out equity loans on their homes for things unrelated to their homes, like new cars....whats the difference? I just don't care what someone else does with their own financial situation, unless they come to me asking for money!
posted by dreambml 429 posts 3 months agoI also don't think its right for people to tell someone else not to do it. She only went on to ask if anyone else was doing it. If she is comfortable with that, who cares? She shouldn't be lectured and/or judged for that. If she is on her way to getting her PHd, chances are she'll be able to pay it back, and I can't imagine she is taking out a $20k loan for the wedding. I mean, even a car can be a frivolous expense, considering you can buy a car for $5000 as opposed to $25k, and who pays cash for that?
posted by dreambml 429 posts 3 months ago